Very strange situation

[gunnermartin]

Just had a call from a friend, who was distraught after a phone call she’d had from a mum from school. (She’s given me permission to post as we are both baffled).

Last night her daughter had a friend over (they’re 10). She was making burgers for dinner and the friends daughter came in saw what she was making and said she didn’t like them can she have a bowl of super noodles instead. Friend offered her alternatives but she said no she wanted noodles. So she made her two packets of them.

Anyway this morning she’s had a call off the other girls mum saying the child went home saying she was starving- the mum asked if she’d eaten dinner and the child said my friend had made her own two children burgers but told the friend who had come round quite aggressively apparently that there wasn’t enough for her so she would have noodles as only her own children were allowed burgers.

Thankfully my friend has an all day ring doorbell inside to watch her dogs in the kitchen, which also records conversations so she had the full dialogue on film, which she downloaded and sent over to the other child’s mother after the call!

Friend is saying she doesn’t want the child in her house anymore and feels bad for her child as they are friends but I’ve also told her I wouldn’t want her in there either!

You’ve missed out specifically there.

It's all a lot of drama over nothing really, as the friend's mum now knows exactly what happened and that her daughter lied. Seems a bit OTT to ban her from the house as the mum now knows that her daughter's account of what happens at your house cannot be relied upon.
The likely explanation is that friend didn't want to admit to her mum that she'd turned down a decent dinner in favour of supernoodles so laid the blame elsewhere. That's all. Obviously most rational and socially adept mums would have left it without going back to the host mum and questioning why her daughter had come home hungry - the cheek. But it's very much a storm in a teacup - no drastic action required.

I completely disagree. I shouldn’t have to spend my life checking if I’m being filmed everywhere I go. It’s completely unreasonable to expect that of normal people. Filming people in your home without their knowledge or consent is unethical.

No I haven’t. Whether or not she deliberately set out to film her daughters friend is irrelevant. She DID film her.

Off topic bit british people are funny. No one sets up home security camera to snoop on someone,they are not hidden but very obvious and we dont check footage on ours 99.5% time but it has cone very handy- getting people who harass us prosecuted when we handed the footage over to the police, police asking and solving stolen car case when we shared our outside video camera footage, when we had a tradesman coming into our home on a day he wasnt supposed to taking away rads when we were on holiday and so on. Otherwise they are great when family members are in a hospital they can check in and have random chats over them etc- its like the ID cards brits are terrified of when mainland europeans have used them for decades and they make a lot of things faster and easier

i'm currently trying to arrange carers for my elderly mum. You can be very sure there will be cameras in the house. I may or may not remember to tell casual visitors about it, and will inform the carers before they start.

But i am baffled by all the horror of people worried about "their data". What data is some hacker going to get of you round at your mate's hose picking your nose when you think nobody is looking?

I'm still "meh" about sending the recording, my reaction to the idiot mother calling to make a fuss would have been more along the lines of "ask her again what happened, and tell her to be truthful. Your child is welcome in the house again, but i will not be feeding her and if she lies about me again that will be it"

She can film whatever she likes in her own home, if kids mother dosent like it dont send her child around other peoples homes

Did she have signs up or other wise take steps to be informing people that there was going to be recording of audio and video?

www.spycameracctv.com/blogs/news/is-it-legal-to-record-audio-on-cctv-in-the-uk#:~:text=In%20short%20%2D%20yes%2C%20it%20is,must%20consent%20to%20being%20recorded.

If I was your friend my view would depend a lot on the other mum’s reaction.

If she is mortified as pp said, apologises for her dd’s lie and ideally makes her dd apologise too - then I’d forgive and (mostly) forget.

If she doubles down and starts backing up her kid or talking about the camera then no the child wouldn’t be coming over again.

Completely legal, you do know there are cameras on the streets etc do you not go out either?

The kid is 10, who knows what goes on their wee minds at times. If the mum is aggressive then maybe she was trying to avoid getting in trouble. I wouldn't be cutting my child's friend off over it.

Do you have such a bee in your bonnet about cameras in other places too? Or just in homes?

as long as there is no expectation of privacy (bedroom, bathroom) it’s really not as big a deal as you are attempting to make it.

The girl lied. She’s now been caught out in that lie. We had cameras for my dad when he was ill and told the carers so.

Not really, lots of people have pet cameras in their homes.

I do. FWIW.

I wouldn’t be at all happy to have private conversations recorded without my knowledge and consent.

cameras are one thing but recording conversations is quite different.

maybe the op can come back and confirm?

Me too.

No audio on those though.

She said in the op that the conversation was caught, so I’m taking that audio was picked up

What was the other mums reaction to her daughter lying?

The only abusive carers that have been caught on camera that I’m aware of were in care homes where they would have known there were cameras and where institutions are bound by GDPR.
@CrownCoatsa friend of mine suspected a family friend was stealing from her vulnerable elderly relative, so she put cameras in. He was doing , far, far worse and is now in prison.
I personally don't have any in my home for the dog but I do understand why others would.

It's about testing boundaries. Kid is not a pyscho, she is just not good at covering her lying tracks.

So I’d assume the child didn’t want the burgers and wanted the noodles or whatever … was scared to tell her mum that she’d refused dinner or… god knows what goes goes on in a child’s head because they often can’t make sense of what they’re feeling or why they’re feeling it because they’re CHILDREN… then for whatever reason, she’s felt fear or similar and made excuses or blame shifted and the mother being too close to the situation hasn’t realised her daughter is not an adult etc … the mum is at fault here and of course the child should not be punished for that. And if anyone disagrees I won’t see it thanks to Mumsnet and this horrible infinite scrolling thing so our eyeballs are subjected to as many adverts as humanly possible! Arrrrghhhh I’ve had enough for today!

Yes.

perhaps op got the wrong end of the stick?

This happened to me once. I invited DC's friend over (also 10 at the time) for a playdate. His mum told me he only ate pasta with butter and chipolatas. So, I made this for dinner. He then said he wasn't eating it as it was the wrong shape pasta, and the wrong brand chipolatas. He refused anything else.

When his mum came to the door he shouted "I'm starving, she hasn't given me anything to eat".

That was the first and last time I invited him over.

I don't do fussy eaters.

but @Maghullyback did you tell his mum? what did she say?