Very strange situation

[gunnermartin]

Just had a call from a friend, who was distraught after a phone call she’d had from a mum from school. (She’s given me permission to post as we are both baffled).

Last night her daughter had a friend over (they’re 10). She was making burgers for dinner and the friends daughter came in saw what she was making and said she didn’t like them can she have a bowl of super noodles instead. Friend offered her alternatives but she said no she wanted noodles. So she made her two packets of them.

Anyway this morning she’s had a call off the other girls mum saying the child went home saying she was starving- the mum asked if she’d eaten dinner and the child said my friend had made her own two children burgers but told the friend who had come round quite aggressively apparently that there wasn’t enough for her so she would have noodles as only her own children were allowed burgers.

Thankfully my friend has an all day ring doorbell inside to watch her dogs in the kitchen, which also records conversations so she had the full dialogue on film, which she downloaded and sent over to the other child’s mother after the call!

Friend is saying she doesn’t want the child in her house anymore and feels bad for her child as they are friends but I’ve also told her I wouldn’t want her in there either!

Why is the filming considered weird by some when the OP has explained the camera is there to watch her friend’s dogs? Perfectly reasonable and a good idea to boot. Anyway, lucky it was there so she could prove what really happened. I wouldn’t have that kid back in the house again after that, goodness knows what lies she might make up another time. I wouldn’t go as far as to try to stop the friendship in school, but I wouldn’t facilitate it.

Hopefully now the girl has been caught out in her lie, she'll think twice in future.

Up to you/your daughter if you want her in the house again.

Quoting the OP in an effort to stop the doorbell recording derailment.

Friend is saying she doesn’t want the child in her house anymore and feels bad for her child as they are friends but I’ve also told her I wouldn’t want her in there either!

OP, how did the other girl's mum respond to the message?

I have cameras inside for my dogs. They're not on when we're home because that would be fucking weird. If I were the girls mother I'd not be allowing my child back to your friend's house.

The lies. Well, kids tell fibs. Its easy to see how it happened. Kid has asked for something, mum has said no, kid has said but they need it because they're starving, mum questions how they can be starving when they've had dinner, kid says they only had noodles, mum questions it and kid comes up with a weird story.

its not the kids being filmed, the house has cameras for reasons - security, dogs, whatever, and the children entered the kitchen which is covered by a camera... not some weird child sex scandal.

Its more weird thinking its something nefarious. The camera wasnt in the kids bedroom, it was the kitchen.

I don't think the filming is weird. I have a camera pointing at my garden where the kids all play together as one or two of them are prone to lies and tale telling. It's been a godsend!

So instead of sitting everyone down and getting to the bottom of things, giving a liar or tale teller the chance to think and do the right thing, you just watch the recording back and bring the gavel down?
Do the parents of these kids know they are being filmed? Or are they all your own children?

Probably was starving as are empty unhealthy calories and rather than being truthful just said what wouldn’t get her in trouble.

Why on earth would footage of people's Ring doorbells / cameras be all over the internet?! 😂

It’s really strange that you film your children playing in the garden in case they lie. Chinese state level surveillance. Leave them alone.

10 year olds can make mistakes true, but they can also lie and being able to separate the truth from fabrication is very hard, without the audio evidence the girls mother clearly would believed her daughter and assumed her child was being mistreated which is proven to not be the case.

I’m MUCH more stuck on this revelation that people are filming their daily lives like this than I am about a kid wheedling for noodles and then lying about it when caught out.

I go in people's houses as part of my job, at least half the people have cameras in their house, it's not weird at all when you have dogs.
I bet she was relieved she had them and could show the girl was lying.

This! 'Oh its not weird they record playdates at all, we surveil playdates in the garden to MANDATE TRUTH'.

Gosh well obviously that makes it normal. How fun for the children.

Have you implemented a points system for morality yet cos that should definitely be your next move.

I honestly would tell your mate not to worry because somewhere else a mum is reeling in horror and saying 'and then she said it's okay because she recorded my child's every word without permission and has a fucking transcript of it!'

Orwellian playdates 2025.

I wouldnt want a child who lies like that either in my home.

No, I agree - filmed with audio? That's really weird.

I would have just told the mum that her child was being untruthful, i would only send the recording evidance if she was being very difficult about it, i think that's ott. And rightly or wrongly I would be reluctant to have the kid back.

More than the girl telling lies, I’d be baffled that the mother thought it was a good idea to call you complaining about it. What if it was all you had to offer food wise?

Maybe teach your daughter to eat what’s in front of you at someone else’s house (except due to allergies ofc).

Yeah I mean that IS really weird to be fair. Cameras for security and dogs I understand. To listen to your children's conversations and play them back to see who was lying is weird. They're kids. They're probably all lying 😂

Absolutely this!

Do people who enter your house know they're being filmed?

Child clearly has serious issues as does her mother.
Lied to her friends mother not once but continuously. She was offered alternative foods and refused insisting on noodles. She went home and told her mother she was starving as she had been refused decent food. She further embellished the lies by accusing her friends mother of refusing her burgers saying they were for her children.
Her mother in turn contacts the other mum and berates her for 'starving' her child. Presumably no effort was made to clarify what had actually happened. She should be more concerned at the elaborate lies her daughter has concocted and her daughter's ability to lie. She has humiliated and embarrassed herself.
Some posters are more concerned with the mother's camera monitoring her dogs, something not unusual in many households. Thankfully she did have it.
@gunnermartin your friend has done the right thing. It wasn't just a little lie but something much more serious.

My neice was just like this at a very similar age. She once told me her step mum had locked her in her bedroom and refused to let her out until the rest of the family had eaten dinner.
It later transpired she was sent to her room for calling what her stepmum had cooked (cottage pie) slop and she wasn't eating it. After everyone had finished dinner she was asked to come to the table as stepmum had cooked her fishfingers and chips. Honestly, she was and still is a right cow and could twist the situation to her advantage. You really are better off not having the child to visit again and try and steer your daughter away from her.

Yeah the other mum is overreacting because she has failed to instil in her kids that eating supernoodles is very unhealthy.

And your first thought was to send a recording of the discussion.

I really hate the 21st century sometimes.

Bring back the 80s when we ate fishfinger sandwiches for tea and then played outside.

This with bells on:

“MostHappy · Today 12:00

My guess would be the child is probably not allowed to have super noodles for dinner as its not exactly a healthy meal - so is blaming your friend rather than tell her mum that's what she asked for.”

There’s no need to blow this up into a drama. Pre-teen children are relatively powerless. Decisions about what they can and can’t eat tend to be made for them. It’s not brilliant that the young friend lied but that comes with being powerless. Probably she saw a chance to get a treat that would normally be denied her.

I don’t know if you or your friend have teenagers but believe me there will almost certainly be occasions when your teen is not fully honest with you because they know you will disapprove of something they’ve done (eg my DDs had some friends whose parents were very opposed to alcohol; these friends still drank at parties but concealed it from their parents). Frankly, I’ve occasionally done the same in my marriage. Obviously it matters for the big stuff but this is minor.

This is all very weird. Filming and recording conversations that happen in your home is a bit OTT. But the kid is clearly a drama queen. Just tell the mum you offered burgers but the kid insisted on super noodles. Two packets were given. If she chooses not to believe you then I guess she's just a bit of a weirdo.

If the kid is a compulsive liar/shit stirrer then it's probably for the best if the playdates either reduce or stop. Or at least just have them meet in the park or outside either ones house.