Very strange situation

[gunnermartin]

Just had a call from a friend, who was distraught after a phone call she’d had from a mum from school. (She’s given me permission to post as we are both baffled).

Last night her daughter had a friend over (they’re 10). She was making burgers for dinner and the friends daughter came in saw what she was making and said she didn’t like them can she have a bowl of super noodles instead. Friend offered her alternatives but she said no she wanted noodles. So she made her two packets of them.

Anyway this morning she’s had a call off the other girls mum saying the child went home saying she was starving- the mum asked if she’d eaten dinner and the child said my friend had made her own two children burgers but told the friend who had come round quite aggressively apparently that there wasn’t enough for her so she would have noodles as only her own children were allowed burgers.

Thankfully my friend has an all day ring doorbell inside to watch her dogs in the kitchen, which also records conversations so she had the full dialogue on film, which she downloaded and sent over to the other child’s mother after the call!

Friend is saying she doesn’t want the child in her house anymore and feels bad for her child as they are friends but I’ve also told her I wouldn’t want her in there either!

People aren’t justifying anything - they are explaining why they have one.
if I didn’t have the dog, I wouldn’t have a camera.

It all hinges on what the other mum said, tbh.

I would hope she would have apologised.

Of course no one is going to ask if you have one. It wouldn’t occur to most people that you might have internal surveillance cameras.

to be honest with lying little madam pulling stunts like that, it is way better to have recordings. Who knows what lies she might make up next.

Me too. I love it!

I have no legal training of any kind, but a quick web search suggests it's a grey area. Might be ok because it was the homeowner doing the filming / recording on their own property.
Seems an interesting tactic, sending a mother who is clearly not the most calm and measured of people irrefutable evidence that you have filmed and recorded her daughter without their consent.

Fine, call it an explanation.

I still don’t understand why having a dog necessitates having internal cameras.

The recording of conversations is by far the bigger issue here. I think your friend made a mistake by mentioning it and forwarding the footage.

The noodles issue is minor. The kid probably isn't allowed them at home. The mother sounds a bit over the top.

It doesn't bother me one bit, I don't need privacy in other people's houses, what would I need Privacy for?
I am conscious to not scratch my arse when I'm in there, that's about it.

I'm curious, do you not agree when people have caught abusive carers on camera?

‘Oooh, I’ve been out at the shops for 3 hours now, wouldn’t mind stopping for a coffee. I’ll just check on the dog, make sure he’s still happy alone or if I need to get back’

Because

1. people are numpties who leave the factory set password.... which makes it a gift for hackers to guess.
2. Said hackers can then listen in/watch and discover that the family are going to Mallorca for a fortnight so the house will be empty.....and they have seen all the expensive kit that will be left at home
3. You are entitled to wander around your own home semi clothed but I am sure there are pervs out there who would pay to get off on the sight of a woman in her knickers on her way to get her bra out of the drier..... and some couples might even get amorous outside the bedroom.... Gold dust for the pervy hackers. Hope this clarifies things for you.

Why is everyone getting their knickers in a twist about the ring doorbell? OP has explained why her friend has it, to keep an eye on the dogs in the kitchen. Not weird or bizarre at all.
Personally I wouldn't be having this child back in my house if she is prone to telling lies and has now caused an uncomfortable situation between the parents and I'd happily tell her why.

You need privacy for a whole host of reasons. This is your personal data. You have no idea how it might be used or where it might end up. Someone could post it on their social media or use it for fraudulent reasons.

It always amazes me how laid back people are about their data.

The only abusive carers that have been caught on camera that I’m aware of were in care homes where they would have known there were cameras and where institutions are bound by GDPR.

If it’s just for the dogs, why is she filming her daughters friend?

Facts matter. OP said she had the 'full dialogue' on film, not the child. The camera was likely pointing elsewhere.

The camera is there for them to monitor the dog, so that is its purpose. Therefore any filming of a child saying they don't want burgers is inadvertent, because OP had no idea the child would say one thing to her and another to her mother.

If you don't understand basic words, that's not my problem.

I find the whole interaction strange. If my kids go to other people’s houses I hope they will be fed if they stay for dinner and if not I will feed them at home. I would never hassle the hosting parents. I have kids round often and sometimes they are so fussy they end up with plain pasta. Such is life.

The response to the mum is also odd though. Why not just write a short text and say she didn’t want burgers or x, y , z you offered so ended up with noodles. Simple. You don’t need to prove the kid a liar, it’s not really your problem. If the mum and kid keep causing drama just reduce the invites and cool the friendship No need to add to the drama.

A quick Google will reveal many, many stories of carers being caught stealing, physically assaulting and verbally abusing the vulnerable in their own homes.

Not getting the camera thing. I have a camera on my dogs whilst I am out of the house so I can keep an eye on them. It is turned off as soon as I enter the house. Why would you continue filming if you are there in the house with the dogs?

Because people rarely turn them off - it just adds on to one more thing they’d have to do before they leave the house.

she wasn’t specifically filming her daughters friend.

nah, shit stirring liar is about right. And her mum calling? overreaction

tbh sending the recording was weird, but we have all had "those mothers" going on at us for some perceived slight, and maybe OPs friend has had it with all that.

My daughter as a kid would say anything to get extra food - she just loved eating, particularly dinners. She’d tell her friends’ Mums she’d not had dinner if she saw them having some. I guess if pushed she’d maybe have fibbed further, but not known her do it and I’m pretty sure she stopped well before ten - as I wasn’t happy about those type of porkies and told her so every single time.
As the parent I actually wouldn’t believe this type of tale from my greedy guts (or even my less greedy ones) let alone call the host about it! I think therein is the issue - the mum didn’t stop to think it through. On the other hand I was always too willing, as my kids used to say, to not believe what I thought were tall tales and to believe instead what other adults told me - a long time ago and in some ways a different land I guess.
It’s the mum as much, or more, that will/may be the issue for play dates - unless she apologises and you can both laugh together about her kid’s propensity to get 2 dinners, not just one!

What a peculiar child! 😮

The onus is on the guest or the guest's carer to check if there is a camera.

It's not like OP has the camera in the bedroom or bathroom, where legally there is an expectation of privacy.

But she did film her daughters friend.

Ha, I just said that people rarely turn them off 🤣
you’re a better person than me - I’d forget each and every time!