My exes and finances

[Exandstress]

New poster here.
I have 2 DDs aged 15 and 7, they have different dads. My eldest sees her dad every other weekend Saturday and Sunday and he pays me just over £550 a month in maintenance. My other DD sees her dad every Friday after school until Monday morning when he drops her off at school. Until 18 months ago he used to pay me £250 a month as he has 2 children from his new wife at home as well which meant what my daughter gets went down.

His wife has a great job and is the breadwinner in the home. 18 months ago he decided to stop working and instead is staying at home with the kids meaning I was getting nothing. I spoke to his wife about this and she said that they already pay for her gymnastics and art class and thinks that more than covers an acceptable amount. They were already paying these though and I was getting £250 a month on top.

I have just found out that he has won some form of claim against his ex employer and is about to receive £190,000. I messaged him saying some of that money is mine for his daughter and he can’t just ignore her. He has responded saying that the money is not for that and I am not entitled to anything. I told him that I am out £4500 over the last 18 months through no fault of my own and should be entitled to some money. I asked if he is planning on going back to work soon and he said it looks unlikely. I personally think if he can’t work then he shouldn’t be looking after my DD but he wasn’t happy with me saying this.

AIBU to think that I should be entitled to some of the payout from his ex employer. This is money for lost earnings and I lost earnings whilst he wasn’t working.

You have 2 school aged children - one is 15! You can and should work!

this money is because of injuries? Compensation - not income

And maintenance isn’t YOUR income. Plus your daughter is with him 3 nights and you 4 nights, not a huge difference.

Youre lady and greedy

Look just go throught the courts but to be honest your attitude sound awful

He has lost the use of the right side of his body - your reaction he can get another type of job

You have 2 school age children in school one of which you don't parent over the weekend and the other EOW who is a teenager, so you get EOW to yourself - which most single mums don't!

You.chose to work.a 15 hr pw job so you relax at the weekend which honestly says a lot.

Go get a full time job or 2x part time jobs
Your 15yr old can get themselves to and from school and your 7 yr old can do breakfast clubs and after school activities

I doubt you'll find much sympathy on here. Go through the legal route and see what happens

Compensation for an accident isn’t income do not taxable

Because he has her 50:50 so he is contributing by having her half the week. Do you think you should be paying HIM to have her half the week? If not why not and why do you think he should then pay you?

he pays for her extra curricula’s so he is doing what you are doing: having her half the week and also paying for other incidentals. So why do you think he should be giving you more money?

He lost the use of the right side of his body.

the OP could work more. Both dc are at school.

he has the dd all Friday until after school Monday. That’s almost 50:50 and he pays for extra curricula’s. He IS therefore paying his way. Where is the shit dad here?

the payout is for his ongoing medical expenses and compensation for being made significantly disabled.

OP is calling him lazy yet she barely works herself.

Your a lazy cow working only 15 hours a week. You can work full time, you just don't want to. Im surprised uc dont push you for more hours. You have 2 kids to 2 different dads and expect them to substitute you not working enough hours. Your children will be at school 30 hours a week, is that not enough relaxing time for you? I work full time as a single parent, using paid childcare to enable me. Your 15 year old can go home after school and you could either get your 7 year olds dad to pick her up or use paid childcare to work full time. To pay for your own children and stop being so lazy.

You have 2 school aged children. Why can’t you work more than 15 hours a week?

this is nonsense. Yet you deem him lazy for not working after losing the use of the right side of his body.

@Exandstress you sound very grabby. Your focus is on you getting money.
The money your ex receives surely does go towards your daughter when she is in her other home (his house). You also do not know the full extent to their financial arrangements and while you mention somewhere he is putting some money into a fund for her, you won't know if he is also making other provisions he hasn't told you about (and I am not surprised at as it seems you are the one demanding extra money).

To help yourself if you are short on money a lot of temporary Christmas jobs are now being advertised which might be a starting point. You say you work for Tesco and I am surprised they aren't offering any over time to existing staff during this period.
Based on the few hours you work I assume you get UC. I am surprised you haven't been questioned yet over working so few hours with children both in school, so it's not like you have little children at home.
You mention your eldest doing GCSEs and needs you - but to do what exactly? Likewise running around taking kids to school and clubs is what people who work full time do too, so not an excuse.

They are almost 50:50 and he is paying via the extra curricula’s he pays for.

no tax as it was compensation for having lost the use of the right side of his body.

ironic wouldn’t you say that OP calls the man who has lost the use of the right side of his body lazy (who even knows if he’s right or left handed) whilst she only works a measly 15 hours a week with 2 dc at school all day.

😑

Not to mention that EOW she is child free - she can’t say weekends are for relaxing as she already does that every week day when the kids are in school

Your ex probably spends more time parenting that you do as she’s at school most of the time she’s with you

You’re not getting much sympathy on here OP and rightly so!
If this was a man who was trying to fiddle his earnings claiming he’s self employed or hide money as we so often see to get out of paying their way for their children, then fair enough but you’ve clearly said he paid until his circumstances changed.
You've said he has your daughter every weekend so you don’t see her after you drop her at school Friday morning and pick her up Monday afternoon , if you add to that say for example she goes to bed at 8pm on school nights , he’s actually caring for her for more hours of the week than you are.
You say you have rent to pay but let’s be honest you work 15 hours a week so you’re being heavily subsidised by universal credit, no hate, just stating facts as you aren’t bringing enough of a wage into your household to not be topped up.
All weekend to unwind LOL when they’ve been at school all week anyway.
You're actually in a very fortunate position compared to some separated mothers (not going to call you a single mother because you’re not) yet are still moaning for more!

Yabu. You are literally only 1 night off being 50/50 (but you won't let him have 1 extra night so you'll still be entitled to "your maintenance") He's capable of looking after child even though he doesn't work, I know single mums who don't work and have their kids full time and they are definitely capable of looking after their kids. Plenty of stay at home parents too (mums and dads) are they not capable of caring for their children or does this just apply to your ex because you haven't been getting what you want?

And also as a side note, your maintenance for your 15 year old will be running out in a couple of years depending on what your daughter chooses to do with her future.
So maybe start thinking about extra hours of work for when the money from that father dries up too.

But they already have the child for nearly 50% of the time and they continue to cover the costs of her extracurricular activities etc, despite the dad having no income due to his disability. Why do you think his new wife should subsidise the OP's choice not to work more than 15 hours per week?

I think they could reasonably be asked to take the dd for an additional night per fortnight to make it 50/50. Anything else is unreasonable.

Daughter will probably be knocked up in a few years thinking that is the life. On uc, getting maintaince from all her baby daddies and relaxing at home the majority of the time. Monkey see monkey do.

you really are getting a considerable amount of maintenance when you combine the two.
goodness know how you will cope when it stops for DD1 when she hits 18!
you seem to think you’re entitled to ex’s money but it reads more like you feel resentful that he is married.
you earn money, you get lots of maintenance.you work the magic 15 hours to get maximum benefits. Your life can’t be that bad.
i fail to see what DD2 would be missing out on.
dont be a martyr, you get every weekend to yourself.
this isn’t about your DD, this is about you and how you are feeling that you deserve some kind of compensation for the fact EXH has moved on and you haven’t.

Agreed. I love it on the benefits threads so many people refuse to believe people happily live off benefits and work the system.
Well look no further, here's one right here ladies, study it. It's who we are talking about.

Exactly, HIS work compensation. Why on earth would you be 😂 The man does more childcare than you do.

Op, in 3 years time you will lose the CMS for your eldest...what will you do then?

I suggest you start finding other work or going full time as it's likely the drop in CMS, child benefit and UC will impact you significantly.

I'm a bit lost for words with this one

You had me till the ‘he can’t use his right side’ bit. I really hope for yours and your childrens sake you are a troll op, otherwise this is horrible.

This has to be a wind up?! No one can be this lacking in self-awareness surely?!

@Exandstress Does he buy her clothing to wear when she is there? A phone to get in touch with him? Toys and electronics to use when she is there? School uniforms to wear when she is under his care? If not, he should be. If you are sending clothes, toys, electronics with her to his house, then he is taking the piss. If you pay for her to have a phone, and he contacts her on it, or she takes it with her, then he is taking the piss, {Edited to add} though it depends on how much her extra activities are that he does pay for. The money "in a trust" doesn't count, since there is no guarantee it will actually go to her.

He is supposed to pay for one half of her needs. I hope he is doing that.

Edited to add: You can and should be working full-time. Don't you get child-care paid for in the UK? Fifteen hours is nothing. That's like a teen working for pocket money. I agree with the above posters that you seem not very "into supporting yourself".

No of course you're not entitled to it or even a small portion of it.
Maintenance is for the child. Not you!

If dad can't work, make plans for him to do school runs then you can work full time hours and earn your own money.