My exes and finances

[Exandstress]

New poster here.
I have 2 DDs aged 15 and 7, they have different dads. My eldest sees her dad every other weekend Saturday and Sunday and he pays me just over £550 a month in maintenance. My other DD sees her dad every Friday after school until Monday morning when he drops her off at school. Until 18 months ago he used to pay me £250 a month as he has 2 children from his new wife at home as well which meant what my daughter gets went down.

His wife has a great job and is the breadwinner in the home. 18 months ago he decided to stop working and instead is staying at home with the kids meaning I was getting nothing. I spoke to his wife about this and she said that they already pay for her gymnastics and art class and thinks that more than covers an acceptable amount. They were already paying these though and I was getting £250 a month on top.

I have just found out that he has won some form of claim against his ex employer and is about to receive £190,000. I messaged him saying some of that money is mine for his daughter and he can’t just ignore her. He has responded saying that the money is not for that and I am not entitled to anything. I told him that I am out £4500 over the last 18 months through no fault of my own and should be entitled to some money. I asked if he is planning on going back to work soon and he said it looks unlikely. I personally think if he can’t work then he shouldn’t be looking after my DD but he wasn’t happy with me saying this.

AIBU to think that I should be entitled to some of the payout from his ex employer. This is money for lost earnings and I lost earnings whilst he wasn’t working.

You co parent.

Urgh. This is why single mums get judged so harshly.

That’s really shitty. Ops attitude towards her ex being unable to work and feeling that she deserves a pay out is cheeky but ‘babies for money’ just makes you sound like a twat.

It really doesn't though , her attitude is disgusting, her only interest is the money

I have 2 children , am a single mum and work FT. Just saying

@Exandstress
Can you increase your hours?

Jesus wept! I don’t know why I read the original message in Vicky Pollard’s voice

This is ridiculous. You have every weekend free plus your dc are at school all day. You're barely working at all but expecting your exes to bankroll your lifestyle.

Your ex has your dd one night a week more than you do, but he has her at all day at the weekends whereas she'll be in school for big chunks on the days when you have her. So it's not far off 50/50 at all. He isn't earning and he doesn't owe you anything. However, you could ask him to do one more night every fortnight and then it will be 50/50.

You have a 7 year old and a 15 year old.....you can absolutely work more than 25 hours.

Those in glasshouses and all that!

You have a 15 and 7 year old so both out at school Monday-Friday, you could work more than 15 hours a week. You also have every weekend that you could work as your youngest is with her dad all weekend and your eldest on the weekends she’s not with her dad is old enough to be home alone while you work.

Your ex has care of your daughter 3 days out of 7 so very nearly 50/50 at which point you wouldn’t be eligible for any CMS anyway. The fact that he’s not working and therefore has no income means that unfortunately he is not liable for any CMS payments for the 1 day a week extra that you have with your daughter.

You are not going to receive any of the compensation payment, that just isn’t going to happen. I would argue that it would be good if he were to set some of it aside in an account for your daughter for future planning like university fees or a house deposit, but he isn’t obliged to.

He already has her 3 /7 nights. If he had her 1 more night per fortnight it would be 50/50 and he wouldn't legally have to pay you anything.
He's allowed to be a stay at home parent if that's what works for his family . He also already pays for clubs so I guess that's something. Some dads don't pay maintenance or anything like clubs.

His money he's due to get is HIS. Not for you to get your hands on. He may want to out some in trust for DD. But again his choice.

You could work more hours plenty do it. It seems you would rather handouts. You're very lucky to get a high amount from the other father. Again some get nothing

you do have a point op that it’s unfair if a NRP becomes a sahp with a new whole family as then their first child could miss out as CM reduces.

but, your whole attitude stinks.

1. you can work more than 15 hours a week and you know it
2. you are not a single parent. You’re a coparent near on 50/50
3. your ex clearly had an accident at work, and is a sahp, so it is frankly horrible of you to describe him as lazy or incapable.

but, what are you doing with all your free time? You must have loads. Every other weekend completely free, the other one just with a 15yr old who is presumably independent, only 3 hours work a day.

here’s an idea - you better yourself. Work towards a better job, do more hours. Be a good role model for your girls rather than just expecting their fathers to cough up.

His new wife doesn’t have to pay for you or previous children

I have asked for more hours but where I work it’s either part time or full time and I can’t work the full time hours.

He pays £100 a month into a trust for my daughter but put it in his new wives name after his accident so sure my daughter won’t ever see that money.

I use my weekends to unwind after looking after my daughters all week.

Your youngest is 7 and both children spend time with their fathers. You should be working fulltime. How on earth can you afford to live on 15 Hours pay a week ?

Contact CMS or a lawyer to see if you actually will be entitled to anything.

Your children are at school all week. I don’t blame your ex for not working tbh. At least he isn’t relying on tax payers to find him.

Ermm why aren’t you working full time OP? Regardless of this maintenance issue? Your DDs are old enough, you could also be working weekends?

legally there’s nothing you can do as if he’s not working you aren’t ‘owed’ anything, surely if he’s at home full time he can offer wrap around and holiday care for his daughter though so you can work?

*fund

Well, it's lovely to have the weekends to relax if you can afford it, but it doesn't sound like you can. If you need more money, then you will have to increase your hours or find a second job.

You can work the full time hours, or you can change jobs to one with more hours. You don’t need all weekend to ‘unwind’ and if you need more money then you can’t afford it either

I genuinely thought a website for mums would be more sympathetic to my needs and less focused on making my lazy ex sound like a good dad.

"my daughter" "my maintenance" " my money"
Says a lot

It’s not about male or female, it’s ’am I being unreasonable’ and the answer is yes.

Lots of women on this site work fulltime hours and the idea of having the weeeknd to relax from taking care of their children during the week is completely alien to them. That’s when they clean the house , do the food shop etc.
These are the women paying the taxes which allow you to work a mere 15 Hours a week.