My exes and finances

[Exandstress]

New poster here.
I have 2 DDs aged 15 and 7, they have different dads. My eldest sees her dad every other weekend Saturday and Sunday and he pays me just over £550 a month in maintenance. My other DD sees her dad every Friday after school until Monday morning when he drops her off at school. Until 18 months ago he used to pay me £250 a month as he has 2 children from his new wife at home as well which meant what my daughter gets went down.

His wife has a great job and is the breadwinner in the home. 18 months ago he decided to stop working and instead is staying at home with the kids meaning I was getting nothing. I spoke to his wife about this and she said that they already pay for her gymnastics and art class and thinks that more than covers an acceptable amount. They were already paying these though and I was getting £250 a month on top.

I have just found out that he has won some form of claim against his ex employer and is about to receive £190,000. I messaged him saying some of that money is mine for his daughter and he can’t just ignore her. He has responded saying that the money is not for that and I am not entitled to anything. I told him that I am out £4500 over the last 18 months through no fault of my own and should be entitled to some money. I asked if he is planning on going back to work soon and he said it looks unlikely. I personally think if he can’t work then he shouldn’t be looking after my DD but he wasn’t happy with me saying this.

AIBU to think that I should be entitled to some of the payout from his ex employer. This is money for lost earnings and I lost earnings whilst he wasn’t working.

Why should your ex’s new wife, support your DD?

Of course his wife shouldn’t bloody well have to pay! It’s YOUR child!

sorry - quoted wrong one but looks like we are in agreement!

FFS OP his terrible accident is not a fucking windfall for YOU!!!!

What an awful person you are. Truly vile.

Why do you feel that his wife's money should be available to you, exactly? When you barely work to support your child yourself, is there a reason why you think another woman should foot the bill for your lifestyle?

Why don't you switch to a 50/50 arrangement with your ex? He could have your dd for an extra night every fortnight and then it would be fair?

Was his wife there when he barebacked you? Why on earth should her income pay for you?

Imagine someone having life changing injuries and wondering how that can benefit you.

If you feel your daughters missing out then perhaps she should go live in the nice house full time. Then you’d be able to work full time to pay him the maintenance he’s due?

It's pretty grim.

Greedy, and lazy.

15 hours - good grief ! how many days have you spread that over ?

Well he doesn’t work but is still living a fantastic life with holidays and a big house because she works. Doesn’t seem fair to me.

She chose to marry him and bring my DD into her life. She says they’re family and she loves her.

Would you lose half your body function for the same lifestyle?

I’m not sure it is unusual. I don’t think MN is as anti men as it’s made out to be.

So you’d like his wife to support your lifestyle too? Nice. Get a job OP, a proper one.

Well, life isn't fair. Some families can afford more than others. That doesn't mean that your ex's new wife owes you anything.

If your ex's new wife were to lose her job, would you give some of the maintenance money from your older dc to your ex in order to ensure that everything stayed fair? If not, why not?

Your ex is hardly having a fantastic life. He is adjusting to a life changing disability. It's sad that you would begrudge him a nice house (where your own dc lives for half of the week) and the odd holiday.

His wife works so that she can afford a nice house and holidays. You could do the same if you chose to do so, instead of looking to a man to fund your lifestyle. Why don't you?

There’s nothing about her conduct to suggest she doesn’t feel that way. Its you she’s not
supporting.

Sounds like your dd is very lucky to have this woman in her life.

As your ex no longer has an income, I assume that this woman is covering the cost of your dd's extracurricular activities and the time that she spends with her dad. So she is certainly doing her bit. She may also be helping out with childcare etc during your ex's half of the week.

Does your ex and his partner have children? I got the impression they do.

If her income should be taken from her and given to you for maintenence then can your income be used towards her children? No....funny that.

That doesn’t make her financially responsible for your daughter.

Are you saying if you had married a man with lots of money you would have expected him to had over his money to your ex and his wife?

Get a full time job during the week and ex can look after dd2 and you can have her at the weekend?

Why isn’t it fair? Because you can’t piggy back off his wife’s hard work and his life changing injuries

But it still doesn’t mean she signed herself up to looking after you and your household.

Wow!! He has literally been incapacitated because of a work related injury and you’re still insisting he can work. Meanwhile you have two school age children and say you can only work 15 hours a week. You are unreal. As PP have said, your attitude is disgusting. You are ridiculously entitled in your beliefs.

So follow her lead and get a bloody job