My exes and finances

[Exandstress]

New poster here.
I have 2 DDs aged 15 and 7, they have different dads. My eldest sees her dad every other weekend Saturday and Sunday and he pays me just over £550 a month in maintenance. My other DD sees her dad every Friday after school until Monday morning when he drops her off at school. Until 18 months ago he used to pay me £250 a month as he has 2 children from his new wife at home as well which meant what my daughter gets went down.

His wife has a great job and is the breadwinner in the home. 18 months ago he decided to stop working and instead is staying at home with the kids meaning I was getting nothing. I spoke to his wife about this and she said that they already pay for her gymnastics and art class and thinks that more than covers an acceptable amount. They were already paying these though and I was getting £250 a month on top.

I have just found out that he has won some form of claim against his ex employer and is about to receive £190,000. I messaged him saying some of that money is mine for his daughter and he can’t just ignore her. He has responded saying that the money is not for that and I am not entitled to anything. I told him that I am out £4500 over the last 18 months through no fault of my own and should be entitled to some money. I asked if he is planning on going back to work soon and he said it looks unlikely. I personally think if he can’t work then he shouldn’t be looking after my DD but he wasn’t happy with me saying this.

AIBU to think that I should be entitled to some of the payout from his ex employer. This is money for lost earnings and I lost earnings whilst he wasn’t working.

Gets better and better doesn't it. His wife needs to pay you maintenance? On top of the financial support shes already providing your child? As if your ex hasn't had a job for 18 month who's paying for your childs extracurriculars? The £100 going into your childs trust fund every month? The food, water, electric and heating your child uses the (almost) half the time child lives there? The activities and entertainment devices? Clothes on her back? His wife that's who, she doesn't have to legally but she's doing it out of love for your daughter and her husband, value that instead of expecting maintenance from her on top of that.

Great minds think alike! 😄

This 👏🏻

Yeah poor you with your whole working body, his life is amazing 🙄

Do they take your daughter on their holidays?

Usually yes. They went to Rome without her when his wife was pregnant and left her alone with her grandma. Other than that they always take her abroad for easter and summer.

If you are telling the truth op, and as you don’t seem to realise how sick it is that you think a parent who only has one working side of their body is the better choice to be working than you, fully able and with masses of time on their hands, then here’s my advice. If you don’t get some self awareness soon, and start being a nicer person, then your dd will choose to permanently live with the side of the family who are pleasant.

@Exandstress so then why do you keep going on about the holidays? They are including your daughter as they should. You want them to take you too?

Up your hours to full time and you will be able to take your 2 daughters on holiday yourself.

He has her one less day than the OP though, technically, he is probably spending more time with her than the OP does. How much more than the £208 would you have him pay (on no income) for that extra day.
Now we're told that they take the DD on all the fancy holidays the OP is complaining about as well. There is no doubt that they are putting in far more than the OP and happily doing so.
There is also no doubt that this is purely about jealousy and greed. The OP chooses not to work while disparaging the ex for not working. "but it's not faaaaaaair"
The OP would rather her daughter be detrimentally affected by her choices than actually do something about it. Like work 🙄

There is absolutely NO WAY I would sit back and actively allow my child to 'miss out' because I was too lazy or too entitled to do whatever I needed to do for my child. The best thing in this situation would be for the dd to spend the extra night with her father and his family and for the OP to then pay maintenance

Maybe it's time to start looking for Baby Daddy #3?

Don't give her any ideas🙄

She sounds great; maybe you should have married her.

My kids have a fantastic life because I work full-time and make a good salary - as a single mom of three. Maybe you could try that.

Imagine he’d had his accident while he was still with OP.

’You’ve still got your other side, off you go to work, I need to decompress’, as she’s shoving him out the door.

What are you on about? Of course she is a single parent. She is not a LONE parent, but she is a single parent. Co-parenting does not mean you are not a single parent. A large number of single parents co-parent.

No she’s single and she’s a parent. Look up the definition of single parent

The core characteristic is the sole responsibility for the child's upbringing and care.

she does not have sole responsibility so therefore is not a single parent or lone parent.

Yeah, that's a fair response - I got my terminology mixed up. I do think the op is writing all if she gets minimal/no support, when the reality is far from it. It's insulting to parents who are out there doing everything by themselves