My exes and finances

[Exandstress]

New poster here.
I have 2 DDs aged 15 and 7, they have different dads. My eldest sees her dad every other weekend Saturday and Sunday and he pays me just over £550 a month in maintenance. My other DD sees her dad every Friday after school until Monday morning when he drops her off at school. Until 18 months ago he used to pay me £250 a month as he has 2 children from his new wife at home as well which meant what my daughter gets went down.

His wife has a great job and is the breadwinner in the home. 18 months ago he decided to stop working and instead is staying at home with the kids meaning I was getting nothing. I spoke to his wife about this and she said that they already pay for her gymnastics and art class and thinks that more than covers an acceptable amount. They were already paying these though and I was getting £250 a month on top.

I have just found out that he has won some form of claim against his ex employer and is about to receive £190,000. I messaged him saying some of that money is mine for his daughter and he can’t just ignore her. He has responded saying that the money is not for that and I am not entitled to anything. I told him that I am out £4500 over the last 18 months through no fault of my own and should be entitled to some money. I asked if he is planning on going back to work soon and he said it looks unlikely. I personally think if he can’t work then he shouldn’t be looking after my DD but he wasn’t happy with me saying this.

AIBU to think that I should be entitled to some of the payout from his ex employer. This is money for lost earnings and I lost earnings whilst he wasn’t working.

You’re only working two days a week with one 7 year old at school most weeks and one old enough to mostly look after herself. He has two younger ones and another one every weekend. His wife is working in a high paying job.
On the face of it he is much more hard working than you. He doesn’t owe you anything. He has your DD on the days she’s not at school.

So he has had a major, life changing injury and he already looks after your dd for nearly half of the week. You want him to go out and find different work so that you can carry on doing 15 hours a week and putting your feet up at the weekends?

FFS!

I don’t quite understand this.

Your eldest is 15 so doesn’t need childcare. Your younger child spends three nights a week, including the whole of every weekend, with her Dad. Plus she must go to school. You’ve got bags of time to work.

I’ve always worked full time and I’ve been a single parent since my youngest was two.

To be fair to your exh he has your joint dd more actual time that you - you just have more nights.

I did think he was playing the maintenance system a bit in living off his wife, but once I saw what his injury was I retract that (edited).

The OP is so outrageous and coming across as such a stereotype of a lazy mum that I wonder if this is a troll.

If this is real - as some posters are now questioning it (still can’t figure out who does that 🙄) - then I don’t think so. My understanding is that maintenance is only considered if it’s an ongoing income not one off settlement.

Pot kettle 😂

Who is saying that it's only the OP's job to raise her child? The dad has her for nearly half the week in any case, and pays for her extracurricular activities.

And yes, he has money because he has had a life changing injury. Some of that money will no doubt be used to continue to support his daughter, but he isn't under any obligation to start giving handouts to the OP.

The issue I have is my other ex partner has always paid for my eldest DD meaning I had the time with her when she was little. Now I feel I can’t provide the same love and time with my youngest DD as her dad isn’t supporting like he should.

I work very hard with school runs and going to work during the day. On an evening I have lots to do with my DD in her GCSE year and my youngest going to gymnastics and art club. Some time at the weekend when I don’t have eldest DD is needed.

@Exandstress How many hours a day do you work and how many days? Could you increase that or would that mean a reduction in your UC? Which I take it you also get?

He should work so that he can support his daughter a bit more.

He is disabled following an accident at work… and hasn’t even received the payout for it yet, people on here are awful sometimes.

No, OP. Some time might be wanted at the weekend, but you could easily work more hours and continue to support your dd. You have 30 hours a week when she is in school plus the entire weekend.

Yes, it can be busy juggling the school run and ferrying kids to evening activities etc while also holding down a job and running a household, but lots of us do it.

From what you've said, it sounds like you could afford to take it easy with your older dc because your ex was able to pay more, and you're now resenting the difference. However, the father of your second dd is contributing in a different way, by spending more time with his dc. That's also valid. You can't demand that he provides financially so that you can do all the fun bits.

Put it to CMS and see what they say

I very rarely comment on threads, but hahahahah PLEASE!! Never read anything so ridiculous and entitled in my life I’m 99% sure this is a troll.. has to be!!

that doesn't make any sense, what does working have to do with his capability to parent his child.

if he has her friday to monday weekly, thats a fair bit. Ask for less money and he may be amenable. or increase her days with him so its 50/50 and reduces your costs ?

Not sure how my life is a troll. All I wanted to know was if we were entitled to his work comp.

If you've no written and signed agreement about maintenance payments you haven't a leg to stand on..

Take him to court see how you get on?

@Exandstress Why on earth did you think you would be entitled to HIS work compensation for HIS accident at work causing HIM a serious injury?!!! Is he even fit to work now, poor guy.

Kinda like, just because you don't want to work any extra, doesn't mean you couldn't.

I AM a single parent with an ex that spent years trying not to pay. What did I do? I worked. I worked and I saved and I took care of my children because that's what was most important to me. Didn't bother whining about it, just got on with it.
I never stopped chasing behind the scenes, and eventually got what was owed, but I wasn't going to let my children suffer while I did so just because I picked an arsehole 🤷‍♀️

This is insane, your ex has lost use of the right side of his body due to an accident and you genuinely think you're entitled to some of his compensation!?

Sounds like an awful accident and you should be ashamed of yourself.

You need to work more hours/find a new job. I rarely comment on threads like this but your sense of entitlement and lack of compassion is staggering.

It isn't your fault that he isn't working, but the fact is that he isn't. From your later post, it appears this is due to a serious injury. As he is not working, he does not owe you any maintenance for your child unless he is receiving certain benefits, in which case he should be paying £7 per week.

The payout from his ex-employer is compensation. It isn't clear if that is for the injury, discrimination, or unfair dismissal. It is possible that some of it would count as income for child maintenance purposes, but the majority of it will not, so you will at best only be entitled to a small amount from it.

His wife's earnings are irrelevant. And, as others have pointed out, if he has your daughter any more than he currently does, he will not owe you any child maintenance even if he gets a job. Indeed, you may owe him child maintenance in that situation.

You have been very lucky to be able to make ends meet on only 15 hours work a week. As others have said, you need to think about increasing your hours rather than trying to get more money from your ex.

Wow!

The weekend your daughter is with her dad could be used for work. You say you go out to work everyday but only work 15 hours?
Full time hours are possible with children- wraparound care for youngest and a 15 year old can care for themselves a few hours(barring any special needs)
I’m not saying fathers shouldn’t pay towards their children but you’re at nearly 50/50- providing he buys everything for your daughter on his time he shouldn’t have to fund the lifestyle you want.

He's lost the use of his ENTIRE RIGHT SIDE? Oh give over this has to be a wind up. no one can be this callous

OP you work the equivalent of 2 days a week, you don't need a whole weekend to unwind.

you get 2 weekends child free a month, most parents would bite your hand off for that, you need to work full time now. they're old enough and you need the money. moaning about it won't change it, he's been injured and gotten a settlement.

if he does give any more it will be to your daughter in future. seek advice if you want but regardless. he is SAHP increase her ays with him and get to full time hours. Tesco are a decent employer with opportunities to move up. Both the kids are old enough you can focus a bit more on your and advancing your career.

The cheek saying he needs to find other work when he is partially paralysed and you need weekend to rest from 15 hours of work.