Aunts friendship with young couple

[Georgienne]

Hello all, so my aunt is 70, my father passed away 3 years ago and her husband passed away 2 years ago, she never had any children of her own so my brother and I are her only living family left.
She has lived in the same flat in London for most of her adult life, I highly doubt she will ever leave it, she is still active, goes on cruises, has a handful of local friends though many of her close friends left London when they retired.

I try to visit her about once a month, I don’t live in London myself but she was always an incredible aunt to me and my brother, I also encourage my son who lives in London to go and visit her although he seldom does.

Today I went to see her for the afternoon, and she told me that over the last few months she has developed a friendship with a young couple who live upstairs from her. They are Italian and Swiss, mid 20s. Apparently they have been picking up shopping for her, helping her move furniture and have cooked for her a few times. She seems rather fond of them. She wasn’t feeling very well a few weeks ago and apparently they really rallied round her, cooking, shopping, running errands etc. she didn’t tell me she was ill or I would have gone and looked after her myself.

She is quite the technophobe (I know that many her age are quite proficient with tech but she has rejected it), she has a computer and a landline, and a very simple mobile (not a smart phone). But apparently they have helped her book a trip to save her going into a travel agents etc.

She also doesn’t like going into central London alone now, so was talking about how the young girl had taken her into central London as she needed some new clothes and wanted more variety etc.

I haven’t met them but I’m really unsure what to think of this. I’m really worried that they may be taking advantage or her in some way though she seems totally unconcerned and when we got back to her flat she showed me some pasta they had made her incase she didn’t feel like cooking etc. She told me they have never asked her for money, but sometimes if she was out with friends and stopped into Gail’s or similar she would pick them up a gift card as a thank you.

I don’t know if I’m just very untrusting but I have children in their mid 20s and while I’d like to think they would help if asked I don’t think they would ever even consider going this far for someone they don’t know.

AIBU to be worried?

I would keep a careful eye on the situation as it has been known that people take advantage of older people living on their own. I'd meet with the couple, exchange numbers and ask them to let you know if she's poorly again. I'd also keep in touch by phone with aunt a few times a week.

It really depends on your experience.
I concur with what has been said about Italians, it would not at all surprise me that this couple were just genuinely looking out for the OP’s aunt out of kindness.

My personal experience upthread with a couple of a different nationality was very different and has left me with an abiding mistrust. I don’t care if that sounds xenophobic. My mother was drawing cash out of the bank by the thousand and was doubting herself as it went missing. Utter bastards.

My elderly grandmother had a couple of local teenagers pop in on her every day. We lived locally and visited too but they would go in every day to check on her. It was actually one of them that found she had died in her sleep in the armchair overnight. Her knitting was still on her lap.

I expect she gave them a bit of money but she really had very little in the way of possessions so there was nothing they could have stolen. They were just kind and it earned them a bit of money for a pack of cigarettes, I expect!

So you hardly visit and your aunt needs help. So her kindly neighbours have been running errands and things for her. She's grateful and buys them little thank you gifts. They've never asked her for anything.
I'm not sure what your problem is but I suspect it is either you feel guilty for not visiting more often or you're worried about inheritance (or both).
Maybe consider that most people are still decent and will help out a neighbour who needs it.

I wonder why the couple haven't asked for emergency contact details for her relatives?

I don’t think you’re BU to be cautious, but that doesn’t mean that something untoward is going on. Maybe if you meet them yourself it could be your mind at rest somewhat.

Why would they? I don’t have emergency contact details for the relatives of any of my friends.

Because they’re friends not carers? And not patronising gits?

First sentence in first reply nailed it for me.

They sound like a lovely couple. We have an adopted elderly aunty in my family too. Her family see her infrequently. I know they don't like that we exist but we just love her and she loves us. She's very wealthy and has tried to talk to us about her plans for her will before but we have refused to entertain it (I know she will still enrage her family and leave us something. But we love her for her and would rather have her alive and with us, livening up our Sunday lunches with her sharp, witty observations and her extraordinary knowledge about so many random things, rather than any inheritance she chooses to leave us.

@CurlewKate So you don’t think that it would be a good idea for the OP to meet this couple?

Only if the aunt suggests it.

Just be careful you see this in magazines they befriend the elderly, then atm withdrawals and pins. It sounds fine I dont know though I just would be cautious.

@CurlewKate Why can’t the OP say that she’d like meet them? Her aunt can always refuse, but it sounds unlikely.

And how suspicious would you all be if she refused? And how difficult would saying no for her? And the suggestion is that the OP thanks them, and gives them her phone number. Because that’s exactly what equals do.

@CurlewKate Hmm, we’ll agree to disagree. I’d see it as an indication that my family who live a distance away care about me. Perhaps I’m weird, but I make a point of getting to know everyone who helps my Dad out. Granted he’s a lot older than the auntie in this scenario. I didn’t when my step-Mum was alive, but now he’s on his own, I know he’s more emotionally vulnerable.

Being 70 doesn't make her stupid. I'm assuming there's no dementia or something that would impair her capacity as I'd expect this would be in the OP. With nothing like that going on she is capable of making her own judgements on people and protecting herself. It seems like you've made an assumption that she can't do this based on her age. Nobody would have got one over on my GPs when they were that age, I'd say their age actually gave them the experience to be better judges of a person's character than I was.

Oh dear.
'Every year, thousands of intelligent and otherwise capable people fall victim to some form of exploitation or fraud.'
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-to-make-better-choices/202506/why-smart-people-fall-for-fraudulent-schemes

When I was 18 I worked in a local pub. There was an old lady who always stayed until close and I would drive her home. She only lived round the corner but wasn’t great on her feet. I certainly wasn’t after anything I was just being nice as I was fond of her. She did buy me some chocolates for Christmas though and once made me come in for a ham sandwich.

@JLou08 Of course she’s not stupid, no one’s saying that. She’s likely still grieving her husband after two years though, my Dad’s still gets emotional about my SM after four years. This couple are probably lovely and I don’t understand why the OP shouldn’t meet them at some point.

I understand your concern as there are unscrupulous people who prey on the elderly. They may be perfectly genuine, but you don't know them. It would be reasonable for your aunt to invite you to meet with them, as you are her closest relative. Ask her to introduce you. This may help you decide how you feel about them.

I thought same , she's only worried they're going to get a bit of inheritance!! So what if the old girl leaves them.a few quid , they've been nice to her

I would keep a close eye on it. My great aunt had a much younger next door neighbor who looked like she was just the sweetest thing ever. She slowly over time, would give hard luck stories, be given money, and by the time it was discovered had almost totally emptied my aunt's account. You would never have the suspected this neighbor. She looked so sweet and lovable. But there was nothing that could be done because my aunt willingly gave her the money. But then when she needed to go for an assisted living, there was nothing left. My aunt did not have any children or relatives that lived close by in her city. And so by the time she frantically reached out it was too late to resolve the issue. The neighbor moved away. But we did rally around her to help her out.

Oh, ffs. “Old girl”?

I would keep an eye on things, discreetly. It sounds fine, but at age 66 I've seen things that seem 'fine' turn out to be otherwise.

I’m in my early 20s as is my partner. I’d probably do the same as the couple you mentioned - just the other day I met an older lady who wanted directions so I went out of my way and walked her to the right side of town. She told me she doesn’t often leave her village and wasn’t sure on where to go.

Tbf my partner and I have also gone on cruises meant for older people and really enjoyed it, and I’ve chatted to quite a few older ladies in the women’s only spa and helped them out with the odd thing. If I lived near an older woman who might need company I’d also make her dinner without want of any return.

I usually think “if that was my Nana I’d want someone to help her”. I’m very much a Nana’s girl though which is possibly why. She raised me so I think I feel an odd sense of giving back to the older women’s community perhaps? Lol