Aunts friendship with young couple

[Georgienne]

Hello all, so my aunt is 70, my father passed away 3 years ago and her husband passed away 2 years ago, she never had any children of her own so my brother and I are her only living family left.
She has lived in the same flat in London for most of her adult life, I highly doubt she will ever leave it, she is still active, goes on cruises, has a handful of local friends though many of her close friends left London when they retired.

I try to visit her about once a month, I don’t live in London myself but she was always an incredible aunt to me and my brother, I also encourage my son who lives in London to go and visit her although he seldom does.

Today I went to see her for the afternoon, and she told me that over the last few months she has developed a friendship with a young couple who live upstairs from her. They are Italian and Swiss, mid 20s. Apparently they have been picking up shopping for her, helping her move furniture and have cooked for her a few times. She seems rather fond of them. She wasn’t feeling very well a few weeks ago and apparently they really rallied round her, cooking, shopping, running errands etc. she didn’t tell me she was ill or I would have gone and looked after her myself.

She is quite the technophobe (I know that many her age are quite proficient with tech but she has rejected it), she has a computer and a landline, and a very simple mobile (not a smart phone). But apparently they have helped her book a trip to save her going into a travel agents etc.

She also doesn’t like going into central London alone now, so was talking about how the young girl had taken her into central London as she needed some new clothes and wanted more variety etc.

I haven’t met them but I’m really unsure what to think of this. I’m really worried that they may be taking advantage or her in some way though she seems totally unconcerned and when we got back to her flat she showed me some pasta they had made her incase she didn’t feel like cooking etc. She told me they have never asked her for money, but sometimes if she was out with friends and stopped into Gail’s or similar she would pick them up a gift card as a thank you.

I don’t know if I’m just very untrusting but I have children in their mid 20s and while I’d like to think they would help if asked I don’t think they would ever even consider going this far for someone they don’t know.

AIBU to be worried?

It says "But apparently they have helped her book a trip …”.
How do you know they didn’t ‘help’ her input her payment details?

I'm 68 and would be suspicious of a young couple showing this kindness towards me. I was kind and generous to a 92 year old woman and she hoodwinked me into paying for everything - her son had told her to say she was skint, so he could inherit it all. Money and humans just doesn't mix well, horrible.

Maybe they did but that doesn’t mean they’re scammers out to rob her 🫣

Nor does it mean they are not.

It seems that it is you who doesn't understand technology. I manage my banking on my laptop. Why would I want to do it on a piddling little screen?

I don't have to order an Oyster card or my local equivalent. I've got a free bus pass that I can use on the Newcastle Metro. When I go to London I use my debit card to access the Underground.

Although I am curious as to the validity of the 'young girl' taking the aunt into 'Central London' for clothes shopping. 🤔That's the part of the story I have issue with (as a 'Central London'er).

Where are the red flags...? There is nothing to suggest its weird at this point...

The vibe i got is the aunt is solvent. If they can live in the same block they presumably are finding 2-4k pm rent so hardly on the bones of their arses?

It sounds like a lovely friendship. I wonder if these inter-generation friendships are more the norm in other countries (sadly for the UK - as we could do with more of this) so are possibly quite natural for the Italian/Swiss couple. They do sound very warm and caring.
If you're really worried you could consider getting an LPA. This is a good idea anyway in the long term as she gets less able. You could then receive copies of her bank statements and check there's nothing major amiss. But that depends on how close you are to your aunt.

The red flag is being so adamant it is not a scam. For example, some romance scammers have homes at which they host different victims at different times, each unaware of the others.

I agree with this.

Yes, by all means keep an eye on this. I'm not naive to the possibility of exploitation.

However, I can absolutely tell you that from an Italian cultural perspective, the idea of a widow with no children of her own having a great-nephew in the same city who barely bothers visiting at all is really quite shocking. If they know about your son then I can assure you that they take a dim view of his indifference.

No, but the leap to them being nasty scammers is typical of MN imo.

I think they sound lovely. Be thankful that they are on hand. Not that 70 is any age at all.
My 95 year old mum lives on her own and I would love it if there was a young couple doing all that for her.

I get where you are coming from, in general being nice, kind and having good relationships with neighbours is good.

But there is always a risk when giving people you don’t know well your payment details.

They sound like kind and friendly neighbours. Your aunt is 70, not vulnerable, but even if she was, having people nearby who watch out for you is important when you live alone. I don’t think it’s strange to have friends across age groups either. I don’t know any Swiss people but culturally Italians are very family orientated and caring. You may have grown up with different cultural mores, but isn’t it a good thing that your aunt has friends close by who help her out ?
When I was little we helped neighbours, visited a lady in her eighties who lived alone, that sort of thing. I live rurally, and during lockdown we did all the shopping for a mid seventies couple who were acquaintances of a friend, the man had a medical condition that made Covid more risky. We drove a few miles to deliver their shopping each week. It was nice to feel as though we were helping, and they were grateful for the help. Isn’t this the glue that holds communities together ?

It’s not a leap. AgeUK report 40% of over-fifties being scammed. The average loss is over £2,000.

when i was 22 I had an elderly lady upstairs from me and used to get her shopping and keep an eye on her! she used to call in asking for help opening things or reading her medication labels and things like that!

When it was snowing I had no issues getting her food or making her a bit of dinner.

So I don't really think theres anything to be worried about - maybe they're just nice people

So, they are hoping to get their hands on her flat when she dies in...10-20 years time? She's not what I'd call elderly, and clearly not mentally impaired or infirm.

The only person clearly after the aunt's money is the OP.

You are extremely naive if you think inheritance fraud is the only kind of scam. AgeUK report 40% of over-fifties being scammed. The average loss is over £2,000.

You are extremely naive if you think 70 is so elderly she's incompetent.

You think 40% of over-fifties are incompetent?

I think the most likely situation is that they are nice people who like to help.

I wouldn't think that way if she lived in Byker in Newcastle, which is where I live, although not for much longer I hope.

There's a woman living above me who knocked on my door and gave me a plate of food. She said that she would save some for me from an event they were having. I binned it because I had Googled her name and she's a convicted criminal. Her son is a drug addict and a burglar. She has quite an unusual name and it seems no one else in the country has got the same forename and surname as her, so I'm pretty sure she's the same person as in the newspapers.

She's very popular with all the other tenants, very social. I keep away from her but I'm always polite if I have to talk to her. I have told my Housing Officer that I would like to move nearer the coast and she said that won't be a problem.

One lesson that you have to learn in life is that the people who seem the nicest are actually the opposite.

In my early 20s I had a long-standing weekly date with an older gentleman. We had tea and homemade cake and a chat. His daughter thought I was some sort of swindler (different race/background) but in reality he reminded me very much of my own grandad and I lovve baking cakes.

You obviously do as you keep posting the same stats.

You appear to have misunderstood. The stats I posted say 40% of over-fifties are scammed (with an average loss of £2000). It does not follow, nor do I say, that they are incompetent. Another poster used that word.

I have a 70+ year old friend, she borrows my netflix, ive been helped her move house, i take things to the tip for her as she has mobility issues, ive got to go round next week to hang some pictures for her etc etc.
I like her, shes very funny - and ive never wanted or needed a penny from her as im fully employed and comfortable.

Cant speak for the motives of anyone else, but the older generations can be great and interesting company, and 70 doesnt mean infirm or incompetent.
I hope that this is the case for your aunt, its possible they just really like her, and if theyre away from home, maybe they just miss their matriarchs.