...to ask if I am I being a prude about these outfits?

[bellav]

My 11yo DD has taken a liking to K-Pop recently, but I am concerned about some of the outfits and dancing styles, especially as some of the singers are very young.

It feels to me like they are being exploited and sexualised at such a young age, but I am unsure how to go about discussing this with my daughter.

Am I just being a prude and showing my age here?!

Link to some of the worst offenders:

https://www.koreaboo.com/stories/15-extremely-revealing-stage-outfits-banned/

I think you're right OP. It's the stripper/porn creep into everyday culture.

K Pop isn't wholesome.

So little you can do about it though, just try to explain to her when the time is right that it's not her job to be appealing to boys and men?

IMO, these girls are being exploited for the male gaze

well your 11 year old daughter loves them too

I think the sexual dance moves are the main concern. If they were wearing leotards and doing ballet I don’t think anyone would bat an eyelid, and leotards are far more revealing than any of those outfits.

For the music, not the outfits/grinding.
She has actually only seen a couple of videos recently, but started liking the music about 6 months ago.

I am amazed that you think Madonnas pointy bra was fine but these aren't.
They are all the same really. I think we have forgotten how shocking Madonna etc were to our parents.

I actually think that what makes me uncomfortable about Kpop is not the sexualised clothing, but that they look like schoolgirls and it is sexualised. It is a child porn image.
Adults in sexy clothing is much less disturbing.

But every generation has their thing which shocks parents.

Completely agree OP. This stuff is different from what was around in our youth. I feel I need brain bleach after clicking on your link.

I don't particularly think Madonna was fine.

I think these outfits and moves are extreme, and the girls are so young.

It's not a debate about whether things have always been thus or whether this is worse. It's a question of how to handle this with my impressionable young daughter who naturally wants to copy her idols.

@steppemum Did 11 year olds wear the Madonna bra then? I suspect not.

You "weren't aware" of Britney Spears and her schoolgirl uniform?

Did you live under a rock?

You are being a prude.
Pop stars have been twerking and slut-dropping for decades. They are just performing.

I lived outside the UK for a while and I just wasn't interested in that kind of music.

I would be talking to her about the schoolgirl outfits especially.

Britney wasn't just in the UK and her outfit for Baby One More Time was so iconic that's it's still one of the most recognisable music video looks of all time. Up there with MJ's Thriller catsuit and Bowie's Ziggy Stardust flash

76% of people say I am not being unreasonable and yet most replies so far are saying it's always been the way and I am a prude! I'd be interested to hear how the 76% would approach this with their kids, if any of you have any tips. Thank you.

Yes, it’s really creepy. I would feel the same as you, OP! Tacky crap.
its a shame we can’t give them Joan Armatrading/Carole King/ Diana Ross type female singers to ingest!
im not sure the entertainment industry has ever tried to present women in a wholistic light, but I’d be showing her some Eurythmics videos and suzi Quattro too… just for balance. Giver her a wider menu !

Okay then, I guess I lived under a rock!
Genuinely, I wasn't interested in that kind of music so it wasn't on my radar.

Like I say, the outfit is a cultural icon even amongst those who didn't like that music

But that might explain why you find this so shocking

Well that explains your shock.
It’s pretty standard, and young people tend to be able to tell the difference between people performing in a video or on stage, and people walking down the street.

typo

And Joni Mitchell too.

I don't think so. I think it's just the sight of very young girls wearing next to nothing and dancing as if they were in a strip club. Whether I had seen the "cultural icon" or not, I still think I would find this troubling in the context of guiding my pre-teen daughter.

I am one of the posters who said "it was ever thus"
But I do agree with you that this is problematic, just as Britney was

If you want to talk to you daughter about this, make it part of a wider conversation on feminism. Are these girls/women making an informed choice to look and dance like this? Are they exploited? Is the money and fame worth it for them? Do they feel empowered? How do they feel about men looking at them? Do they respect themselves?
Be curious and hear what your daughter has to say before you offer your opinions. Don't lecture.

What I would do OP is allow her to enjoy her music in the privacy of her own home. Dress up at home in she wants.

But no innapropriate dress up in that style outside the house (involving short skirts etc) and no tic tok account/posting videos online. Kids don't understand that innocent videos that they make dancing and having fun are of interest to paedophiles.

I haven't watched it but I have heard of that K-pop demon hunter thing. Is that a bit more wholesome? I gather it has a big fan base with young girls. If she were going with mates (and parent) to watch the movie I would let her wear a funky wig but no inappropriate clothes. That's my take on it.

I think calling 16 year olds "very young girls" is doing them a disservice 🤷‍♀️

Yes it's grim. Dressing young girls up as sex dolls and having them grind away in their dance moves is vile.

Madonna was 24 when she had her first hit, so not the same at all.

The whole school uniform thing was apparently Britney's idea as she wanted the music video to be like Grease. But she was only 16 and incredibly naive, her parents should have been saying no - but look at how dysfunctional everything was with her family and how her life completely spiralled.

I'd go along the lines OP that it's sad they feel they have to dress up like that and do moves like that to try to get noticed, if they're great singers why can't they just sing? Who is behind them pulling the strings and telling them this is how they need to be? Middle aged men? Where are their parents? How are they going to feel when they get older and look back at how they were exploited? Are people going to look at their performance and think that's who they are, that that defines them? Obviously you don't have to say this all at once, just drop your thoughts in every now and then to get her thinking about these things.

Madonna was considered 'not very nice' amongst my friends - not someone we wanted to copy.

I think the issue today is the availability of copycat outfits. If people did like Madonna they may have worn a scarf in their hair or fingerless gloves - not the whole corset/underwear get up.

I think it is creepy OP seeing prepubescent girls dressing up in these costumes, unaware of the real reason their icons are wearing the clothes.