Hubby wants to do a 6 week holiday alone

[Piratecatcher]

Hi My hubby age 69 wants to go hiking solo for 6 weeks ..doing the Camino.. I am very upset about it as I feel its too long to be apart and also hurt that he is ok with that.. We have a good relationship usually and adult children. I have happily accepted him doing solo two week hikes in the past but 6 weeks feels too long and I am not a long distance hiker so I can’t join him. We are arguing about it.. Am I being selfish? He thinks I am.

if he is a regular hiker, the Camino is one of those lifetime dream/goal things. And you need a long time to do it.

Can you join him at the beginning and the end, for a day or two?

6 weeks will soon go. My dh did a 4 week trip without me a few months ago - my choice not to go, since I don’t cope well any more with very long haul and major jet lag. But the month flew by.

@Piratecatcher I am not a long distance hiker so I can’t join him.

Be honest, even if you were a long distance hiker, is it something you want to do?

He is 69, being blunt, he's old. If it's something he's always wanted to do and he is fit enough to do it, then you are being selfish to stop him. At this time of life 'tomorrows' are limited and not promised. The Camino de Santiago is an amazing pilgrimage and 6 weeks is not an unreasonable length of time to walk it all.

You could take up training and get yourself 'walk fit' if you don't want to be apart for 6 weeks. What's that saying: if you love somebody let them go ... and 6 weeks is not all that long in the greater scheme of things.

Mariage absolutely is a partnership, but where you encourage the other to shine

Exactly!

My late husband was proud of me and my solo backpacking adventures. And I loved him all the more for encouraging me to do them.

We have young children and I left Dh for 10 days to do a camino. It was lovely. I don’t know that I’d go away for 6 weeks straight, because that’s a long time to be away. But our kids are still young ish (7 & 12) and I’m planning another 2 week section in another year. All other issues aside that you may have, you only get one life. You have to do the things you love. I’ve been with my lovely Dh for nearly 2 decades. He really is lovely and I enjoy being around him, but I still want to live my life.

My close family member of similar age is doing it now, he’s away for 7 weeks. His wife was very supportive as were all of us, we are happy he gets to do this while he’s physically healthy enough as it’s something he’s wanted for many years. It’s a long term goal for many people and you will push him away if you don’t recognise that.

You should support him and let him go. It's great he has the ambition and ability to do it - and at his age it's absolutely time to do it as you never know what life will throw at you.

I get it's a long time apart but as long as you feel confident he can manage it, I would be proud of him.

If my spouse was still with us, I'd be SO proud of him if he completed the Camino @Piratecatcher .
Why are you not proud of your DH undertaking this really taxing challenge?

Why on earth are you unable to not be with him for six weeks!!?? What is it that you won’t be able do as your own person? If you had young’s kids or ran a business together sure I’d get it - but. Basically as far as I can tell the issue is that you can’t do basic daily life on your own for six weeks? And he can’t achieve a life long dream because of that? VERY selfish

As someone who has a husband who at times has been away for months at a time for work, six weeks won’t kill you.

i missed my
husband but he loved his job and I wanted him to be happy.

its really important to have your own stuff going on in life away from him or else any time apart will feel like a small death for you.

Let him go. It’s most Amazing thing. If you don’t want to go with him then let him go himself.

This for sure.

The Camino sounds a wonderful experience. I am sure there must be others in your position who travel the route supporting their partners. It would be amazing for you.

6 weeks. 42 days. Absolutely no time at all.
I would miss my DH horribly (as I did when we had to be apart for 2-3x that duration due to work), but I would also wave him off gladly, knowing that he was fulfilling a dream.

A partnership should lift each other up, encourage and support, not hold either person back.

@Moomum123 has a good suggestion. What I’d do is arrange to meet him at the end in Northern Spain.

Mind you, I want to explore that area so it would suit me to do that. It may not be your thing.

This kind of crap is where phrases such as “the old ball and chain” come from 😂

Hubby went to France to look at Cathedrals for eight weeks - he had a sabbatical and I didn't. I went out to meet him for a weekend twice and the time passed in a flash. I was happy for him, its definitely not my sort of trip, but he came back with all kinds of suggestions and ideas of places to go that he thought I'd like, and we went to them together over time. We still use the hotel in Paris he found. It helped our relationship, not harmed. I'm free to do what I want too, though I've never wanted to go away for 6 weeks. I think a healthy relationship can accommodate each other's interests and shouldn't stifle them.

I think at 69 for a generally loving and supportive husband I’d support it. I’d be proud he was doing something fit and active and adventurous. However I’d also expect him to be up for doing some fun trips as a couple and supporting me doing stuff I wanted as well. So assuming money no object I think life’s too short and he should go for it.

I can definitely understand feeling upset and put out. I would be upset too.

It does sound like a once in a lifetime thing though & at the age of 69, he won’t have the opportunity to do this ever again.

I would try and hold back your feelings and let him go.

I'm thinking needy.

I did part of the Camino last year, it’s a wonderful experience. Encourage him to do it and and meet him in Santiago - it’s a beautiful city.

I understand that it feels like a long time, and although I don’t believe you clarified your objections, it seems that you might be feeling left out, or concerned about his activities on the trip. First, in case it’s the latter, the Camino is not a tropical resort, so he won’t be sitting poolside for six weeks talking to young women while you dust the furniture at home. If it’s the first, and you’re feeling left out or abandoned, then I would suggest you find a way to share this experience with him. Maybe do your own journey through Spain/Portugal and meet up at pre-arranged locations? I hope to walk the Camino myself one day, but if I didn’t and my husband did, I would be thrilled at the opportunity to wander around small delightful towns and then take the bus or trains while he walked.

He loves hiking. You don't. You both know if you went you'd hate it.

It's understandable that you'd feel upset that he wants to do something that you don't - and you don't want him to go.

He's staring 70 in the face. If he doesn't do it now, it will probably never happen.
The chance to do something amazing, probably the last opportunity he'll have before time, fitness and health begin to run out, is becoming very pressing.

And if he doesn't, it'll be you who stopped him.

Plus the Camino has a strong spiritual element. Is he exploring something spiritual within himself that he feels a need to do? Something missing?

Stop standing in his way. You don't need to be joined at the hip.

Plan something you want to do - and he wouldn't. A trip with friends, family. Experiences that would suit you.

And plan something for after those separate trips for you to do together. To each hear about what the other did and loved doing.

Yes, you are being selfish. If this is a dream of his and you have no interest in participating then let him go. 6 weeks is nothing and presumably you have been married a while so what on earth is the big deal?

How can you really STOP him from doing something be loves and enjoys? He is a person with his own interests and passions - apart from you. He's also a grown retired man who now gets to choose one thing for himself on his own terms. Imagine if you wanted to go off an he stopped you. Be gracious.

Can you train to do hiking and join him with this hobbit you’re healthy enough ?