Hubby wants to do a 6 week holiday alone

[Piratecatcher]

Hi My hubby age 69 wants to go hiking solo for 6 weeks ..doing the Camino.. I am very upset about it as I feel its too long to be apart and also hurt that he is ok with that.. We have a good relationship usually and adult children. I have happily accepted him doing solo two week hikes in the past but 6 weeks feels too long and I am not a long distance hiker so I can’t join him. We are arguing about it.. Am I being selfish? He thinks I am.

Thanks for posting this @Arregaithel , missed it the first time around and it’s an inspirational read ( though not inspiring enough to make me do it!) . Has Twodogs seen this thread I wonder?

I see Twodogs had family support to see her off and greet her at the end, so that is one way to shorten the six weeks, or have a meet up half way. I hope your husband gets to fulfil his dream OP.

Can you go along and maybe not do the hiking if it’s not your thing but travel by other means and meet him along the route? It sounds like a dream of his so I’d be keen for him do it but I’d imagine you both would like you to be a part of it also.

She could also, very easily indeed, go and see him off and meet him at various stages on the way, and be there at the end to cheer him on. Loads of people do this. But if that's too much effort for her, I really hope he does it anyway, it is a once in a lifetime dream for many walkers. What a shame if she manages to spoil it for him.

If it's a one off and it's something he really wants to do I'd be sympathetic. Yes it's a long time to spend apart and I would find that difficult... but I also understand having a passion for something. I'm a climber myself. I hope when my children are grown I can devote more time to that.
My DH is not a climber. I love him very much and like to spend a lot of time with him, but I also like to do my hobbies you know.
And I'd be different about it if it was 6 weeks apart all the time.. but to do something he really wants to do that just happens to take that long?
I'd try and work it out and be supportive. Because I understand how meaningful and important to people it can be.

It sounds like a bit of a bucket list type trip for him and it’s not that he doesn’t want you there it’s that you dont hike so would hold him back from completing it. What’s on your bucket list? Something you could do while he’s away? Or could you fly out and meet him for a few days along the trail? Don’t prevent him from achieving the things he wants to achieve in life. It’s not like he’s off for a month long piss up in Vegas.

Oh OP, we’re getting to the age when, if you don’t do it now, you’ll never do it. Let him enjoy what may be his last big hike. But make sure you plan good times for yourself while he’s away.

I walked the camino del norte solo - my partner at the time came to join me for a day in bilbao and then in oviedo for a couple of days walking, and then came back to wait for my arrival in santiago. So we saw each other every 12 ish days!
I think you should let him go, but I'm biased.

I’d not have a problem with this unless it left you tight financially. Six weeks will go fast. Can you join him for sections?

Why does it matter if you go away when he is at home? Let him go and do your own thing solo. It will open up a new lease of life. I bloody loved solo travel, no one else to think or worry about!

@Shortdaysalready

you are quite right, he should prioritise OP and his marriage and sack off his dreams and sit home with OP in front of the telly. Afterall as you say you’re no longer a person in your right are you when you get married, just part of a unit. Plus who needs to hike anyway?? And who needs to do something as trivial as see the world?? You can see it all on the telly! Why even bother getting married if you’re not happy to be glued to your partners side 24/7 7 days a a week for the rest of your life! That’s what marriage is all about!!

I think he'd resent you if you don't give him your blessing. Would you rather him miss a dream trip to sit on the couch with you for 6 weeks? Could you go along and do your own thing?
Retirement, no caring responsibilities and in good enough health to do it, it seems the perfect opportunity to go.
I have to say it sounds rather codependent that you can't be without him for a few weeks of the year (but then I am usually the one wanting to escape on a trip). Of course you'll miss him he's your husband but enjoy doing something for yourself in this time. You should be happy he's fulfilling something that makes him happy 🙂

You should encourage it if it will make him happy. Plan to go and meet him when he finishes.

I think he should go? What are you afraid of? If it is a dream of his he has to do it. Won't you be happy to have some time to yourself? And aren't you grateful to be with a 69 year old who still has a sense of adventure?

I thought this was going to be about a guy leave his wife and young kids for 6 weeks.
Let him have an adventure. 6 weeks will fly by. Don’t make him miss a once in a lifetime trip that you can’t do

This. It's a pilgrimage, keeping going through the hard work blisters and exhaustion is a part of it, it is not a jolly to do in chunks. I think its fine to miss him but fucking bonkers to try to stop him if you don't have joint commitments like young children.

Ooh all that lovely alone time. You could go on trips, or sign up for a class, redecorate your home.

If not now, then when?

I think this would be an experience of a lifetime. I don't think you should object and let him go. You could meet up at the end point and help him celebrate.
Meanwhile you can treat yourself to going nice places for lunch etc.
If it were my husband I'd help him pack 😊😊😊

He's almost 70 and it's probably a bucket list activity for him. I would enjoy 6 weeks to myself and he will also be happy when he returns.

My partner did 13 1/2 weeks backpacking solo around South America just a few months before he turned 60. He had long wanted to do it so I waved him off and we kept in touch via email and occasional phone calls. Yes I missed him. No I didn't want to go, not my thing at all. He came back enthused and spoke about it repeatedly in the years after.
We were married in 2014 and he died in 2020. I'm happy he got to achieve his 2 big goals (marriage and travelling South America) in his life.

Yes you are being selfish - 6 weeks is not a long time in the grand scheme of things.

Plan a weekend trip with your children while he's gone? Take time to see friends you haven't seen in a while? Go and meet him at the finish? Take a solo weekend trip somewhere you have always want to go? Spend a week with family?

Lots of ways to make sure you're not just sitting at home missing him!

I don’t really understand why you’ve included a hypothetical GOTCHA, as if our gender bias had been exposed by our hypocritical responses. Almost everyone has said the OP is being unreasonable and a fair number have suggested she is being controlling. I’m not at all sure why you’re implying it would be vastly difference if the sexes were reversed?

I would agree to it. I would insist on 360 tracking and arrange to meet for an enjoyable weekind midway and at the end - if it is a pretty destination and great weather.
Op, can you start walking up a hill once per day and train to be fit enough to join the walk for a few kilimetres?

I would not be happy to agree to six weeks every year.

Right. There's always bloody one. If anything the responses to women on this site are often off the scale unpleasant.

A colleague's wife did the Camino some years ago.
Could you not join him at several points along the route?

Why insist on tracking? I'd hate to be tracked.