Hubby wants to do a 6 week holiday alone

[Piratecatcher]

Hi My hubby age 69 wants to go hiking solo for 6 weeks ..doing the Camino.. I am very upset about it as I feel its too long to be apart and also hurt that he is ok with that.. We have a good relationship usually and adult children. I have happily accepted him doing solo two week hikes in the past but 6 weeks feels too long and I am not a long distance hiker so I can’t join him. We are arguing about it.. Am I being selfish? He thinks I am.

I don’t see the problem. You don’t have jobs or childcare to juggle between you which would be the main limiting factor. It sounds like an amazing trip. I’d hate to think I couldn’t still do things like that even if I was married.

They've only been together for 7 years they didn't bring them up together. It would be sad if op got her own way. Some people are like that possessive. He's worked hard all his life why shouldn't he do the things he enjoys.

Hardly! Namely to make sure he was ok hiking alone and had arrived safely as opposed to fallen somewhere. Meet ups, because crazy as it sounds I like my DH and maybe OP does too, and an opportunity for her to have a weekend break!

If you don’t have children to care for or the responsibilities of work, I don’t see a problem with this.

This is the time in your life when the two of you are free from that grind but still have your health. It’s a narrow window and you both need to take the opportunity to check off the items on your bucket lists while you can.

The Camino is a massive thing. And as a fellow 69 year old I totally understand the need to fulfil a dream like that while he can.

I went on long haul backpacking trips on my own when I was in my late 50s/early 60s. It was my late husband who suggested and encouraged it. He knew I wanted to have the independent backpacking experience, and backpacking was never going to be his thing.
My trips were only 3.5 - 4 weeks, but he didn't resent being left at home, he was proud of me.
He didn't get to live to fulfil his own dreams. He didn't even get to retire.

Don't be the reason that your DH doesn't get to fulfil his dream @Piratecatcher .

That's an amazing trip. 6 weeks out of 52 doesn't really sound too bad. Surely you can fly out mid way through and then meet him at the end.
You sound a bit set in your ways.

Life is short. Let him go or he will resent you. My DH and I have always travelled independently as well as together due to career breaks. I once went away for twelve weeks and he six another time. We need to keep our cups filled.

Its 6 weeks not 6 years. Support his adventures even if you don't wish to take part. Its extremely selfish to try and stop someone elses dream. I hope he goes anyway.

Quite.

The Camino is one of the big walks and for many its a pilgrimage as well.

The OP could go with him but doesn’t want to do the walking. She could do what many others in “mixed” marriages do and join for a few days at the start, take a few days off for her own holiday, join again further up the line or not as it suits her. The route caters for distance walkers, shorter walkers and fellow travellers who don’t do the walking precisely because its a pilgrimage route.

Effectively the OP is saying that because she doesn’t want to walk he cant do it either. I’m not seeing much partnering there either.

As PP say - this is not a new father fucking off and burning limited holidays whilst there are DC to look after. Its a serious walker wanting to do one of the “bigs” before he is too old to do it at a stage of life where their children are grown up and they are not constrained by 20 days per year holiday to share.

Don't be daft, the El Camino is a wonderful experience and hundreds of thousands have done it. You could make the effort and do it with him, people who walk the El Camino are not all - or even mostly - proper hikers, they just want do this for personal growth, achievement, some people see it as a spiritual thing.

Matter of fact, I was encouraging my husband to ask his friend to go on the trip with him, as I don't think I'd be quite up to it and he has long service leave available, which I don't. I love being with him, he's my best friend, which is why I want him to have the joy of it as he would get so much out of this, and be so proud he'd done it.

But as you don't want to do it and life is too short of course he must go.

In a long life you think 6 weeks is long? How do you think people in the armed forces cope?

Nah c’mon. It’s selfishness on your part, don’t you love him and want him to accomplish something really special to him?

AKA you don’t know what El Camino is. Go read up about it before you dismiss it as a “holiday”.

"They don't accept a blending of the two parts into one unit”

So you can’t be a unit without being in the same place? Gosh that will come a shock to marriages where one or both partners travel for work.

Don’t take it as a rejection, it’s not about you, it’s something he wants.

At 69 years he might be aware that the window for 6 week walks is shrinking. I mean he might have the health for that in 10 years but it's likely he won't so I wouldn't stop him.

I would be a little concerned about him walking alone and would prefer it if he had a friend going with him in case of emergency. Would any of your adult children be in a position to join him? Perhaps there is an organised walk he can join?

My Dad did this in his late 50s. My mum met him towards the end. He had also did a long hike the Himalayas for around a month in his early 60s.

Try to be happy he has this get up and go. My mum now has stage 4 bowel cancer at 65. Sadly these things are no longer possible for them. Life is short and unpredictable, I would not stand in his way

I'd be so proud to have a husband with interests, hobbies and passion even at his age!

Mariage absolutely is a partnership, but where you encourage the other to shine. What a horrible life if you feel stuck with someone, not allowed to do anything.

You'll enjoy each other more after.

If it was a job, his career (or yours) it would be fine to be gone for 6 months, many people do that. Why is it different for a hobby when you're retired.

It must be something he desperately wants to do and maybe he feels that if he doesn't do it now, he never will. I don't think 6 weeks apart will do any damage and there might be things you would like to do without him.

Im desperately wanting to do the Annapurna Circuit and there is not a mission will I be asking DH to come along

Im a walker - he isnt . He doesn't "get" what walking does for me

At the moment I cant do it as I care for my mother, but as soon as, I will be packing the back pack and heading - without DH

As a walker, I want to either walk alone, so I can pick my pace, or be part of a group of walkers who encourage you to push past boundaries

You know we are only here for a short time, surely if you can afford to, you fill your life with experiences ? I would hate to have been born and died, holding down a 9-5 and never getting out there and see what life has to offer

All walks are pilramgies in their way, they allow you to have time with thoughts and dreams and expectations and give the time to process

6 weeks is a blink of an eye. As long as the trip is affordable , what really is your problem? Seriously what is it that is making you so concerned?

I would take myself off to one of the places on my bucket list. Like a cruise to Galapagos to see the giant tortoises and iguanas. Dont let him have all the fun.

I was expecting you to say you had young kids at home. I think it's fine for him to go in your situation!

Maybe he doesn't want someone tagging along? Anyway, it's a very popular route so he's unlikely to be alone if there's an emergency. And it's not extreme hiking either.

How wonderful ! Book yourself a solo holiday with explore. Life is for living!!!

Personally, I’d be happy for my husband to do this (if I had one-mine died aged 50). Life’s too short. Why shouldn’t he do it just because you can’t? You could go away too.

Are you dependent on him in some way that him being away would seriously inconvenience you? If not and you're fit and able, I think it sounds great. The house to yourself for 6 weeks - bliss! Of course yabu.