Page 7 | Hubby wants to do a 6 week holiday alone

Falseknock · 16/09/2025 21:25

Piratecatcher · 16/09/2025 20:34

We have separate adult children and we have only lived together 7 years so not quite a lifetime.. I might feel differently if it was

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I am sorry op but you are being unreasonable. He might not be able to do it again. Your partner has inspired me to write a bucket list. You should let him go and maybe join him halfway through his trip?

MyElatedUmberFinch · 16/09/2025 21:26

I don’t think it’s fair to try and stop him doing something like this.

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 16/09/2025 21:27

Gosh - good on your DH. There’s something he wants to do and he’s going for it whilst he can. Please support him. Take the opportunity to do things for you.

Biskieboo · 16/09/2025 21:27

'Marriages being a partnership' doesn't mean that one party to it has to do what the other wants for any old reason they come up with. On the one hand here you've got the OP's husband wanting to have the experience of a lifetime, that presumably he couldn't do when he was working and/or raising kids, in the probably quite limited number of years he's got left to do it in. On the other hand you've got the OP that doesn't want him to go...just because. The danger of running the 'but marriage is a partnership' argument in this sort of situation is that it may lead the other party to question whether the partnership is worth carrying on with. It's six weeks. You'll manage.

sandyhappypeople · 16/09/2025 21:28

I'd be a little worried if this was out of the blue, but the fact that he already does two weeks solo hiking every year means this is just a one off extended experience that he doesn't want to miss.

You can't physically join him for it, so IMO it would be quite selfish to try and stop him going, it obviously means a lot to him, so I think you should think of it as a positive experience for him rather than a negative experience for you as it will really tarnish the whole experience, six weeks is such a small chunk of time in the grand scheme of things, unless you have any legitimate concerns you need to reframe your thinking on it.

Rewis · 16/09/2025 21:29

If he isn't using all of his annual leave, he's using his own money, he's not stopping you doing the same and you can still have a holiday together. I think it is fine. 6 weeks is a long time, but it is a bucket list thing

MynameisJune · 16/09/2025 21:29

Shortdaysalready · 16/09/2025 21:25

Oh I always forget that on MN holidays are sacred and take prescidence over relationships.

I also forget that a lot of posters on MN don't see marriage as a partnership. They see it as a matter of convenience for living and procreating. They don't accept a blending of the two parts into one unit: each participant just has to stay fiercely independent and prioritise their own wants because they really don't see any duty of care or any responsibility for the happiness of the person they are married to.

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I’ve been married 18yrs and together for 23, since I was 18yrs old.

I’d cheer my husband on in this endeavour because I respect the hell out of him for the person he is and the love I have for him. Nothing to do with holidays being sacred. It’s not a 6 week holiday, but carry on being obtuse and obnoxious because you know you’re wrong and selfish. Married people don’t have to spend every minute of every day together for ever for the marriage to still thrive.

What a fun sponge you must be.

ainsleysanob · 16/09/2025 21:29

Shortdaysalready · 16/09/2025 21:25

Oh I always forget that on MN holidays are sacred and take prescidence over relationships.

I also forget that a lot of posters on MN don't see marriage as a partnership. They see it as a matter of convenience for living and procreating. They don't accept a blending of the two parts into one unit: each participant just has to stay fiercely independent and prioritise their own wants because they really don't see any duty of care or any responsibility for the happiness of the person they are married to.

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Well if it’s such a partnership why does OP become a long distance hiker and that way he can do the thing he desires and she doesn’t have to live without someone for 5 weeks. But no, it’s him that’s being selfish isn’t it.

Dorabledoreen · 16/09/2025 21:30

I don’t like that some posters are saying she should let him go. My view of marriage is that it’s not up to either party to ‘let’ their partner do or not do something.

Back to the issue, if my DH had wanted to do something like this, I would have helped him pack. To be 69 and have such a zest for life is amazing.

Bruisername · 16/09/2025 21:31

Marriage is a partnership and you support each others dreams - the thought of making him miss out on a wonderful life experience for the sake of 6 weeks is selfish

and 6 weeks isn’t really that long for what will be a one off trip

if you share hobbies and can do these things together then great but if you don’t want to do the same things then you need to give each other the freedom to pursue your own hobbies and support them

NotToday1l · 16/09/2025 21:32

Piratecatcher · 16/09/2025 19:59

Hi My hubby age 69 wants to go hiking solo for 6 weeks ..doing the Camino.. I am very upset about it as I feel its too long to be apart and also hurt that he is ok with that.. We have a good relationship usually and adult children. I have happily accepted him doing solo two week hikes in the past but 6 weeks feels too long and I am not a long distance hiker so I can’t join him. We are arguing about it.. Am I being selfish? He thinks I am.

Well it’s something that he really wants to do and you are welcome to join him but as you said you are not a hiker…..so you expect him not to go because of that…..can you not go out there and join him for part of it

IsItTheBlackOneOrTheRedOne · 16/09/2025 21:32

SkinnyOatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 16/09/2025 20:11

This feels like a big ask. I can fully understand wanting to do something before it’s too late, but marriage is a partnership and six weeks is a long time to be apart.
Is your DH be as supportive of your interests?

Could he do it in stages or could you need time at stops along the way fortnightly throughout?

Yes marriage is a partnership but it is not a prison. I love my relationship but when DH goes away I get quite excited for the time to myself. He once went away for two months. It was bliss and though I missed him we talked a lot and it was fine. Not being ok on your own when no young kids are involved is weird to me.

ZenNudist · 16/09/2025 21:32

I'm sorry but the camino is on a lot of people's bucket lists and I'm not surprised he wants to do it. In fact I want to too!!

Can you go with him? If you don't want to walk or cycle you can easily get in between locations by car or take public transport and meet along the way. It would be great. I was at the rioja end of it this summer. Go!

DinaofCloud9 · 16/09/2025 21:34

Shortdaysalready · 16/09/2025 21:18

Well my view of marriages are they partnerships.
Why bother getting married if your desire to go off for six week holidays is more important to you than your wife and what she is comfortable with? Just stay single and then you can prioritise your own wants.
It's not as if OP has objected to his solo holidays. It's the length of this one. I think he is being totally self centred.

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She's the one being self centred.

Costcogroupie · 16/09/2025 21:34

Do you have something special planned for the dates he's away? Something you don't want him to miss? Or you just like having him around?

Don't stand in the way of someone else's dream.

It might even be good for you to spend time without him

swingingbytheseat · 16/09/2025 21:34

It sounds like you’re in different phases. Are you retired also ?

Namechangerage · 16/09/2025 21:35

Shortdaysalready · 16/09/2025 20:02

No you aren't being selfish OP.

And it sounds as though your attitude to his lone holidays has always been very reasonable and accommodating. But 6 weeks is taking the piss.

Really?

The only reason it’s taking the piss is if they can’t afford it.

They’re not joined at the hip and no longer have dependants.

reversegear · 16/09/2025 21:35

If I was him and married to you I’d go anyhow.. he’s your husband not your property, he can actually go without your permission, but it would be nice I guess if you were happy to have a DH with a fab sense of adventure.

BrainlessBoiledFrog · 16/09/2025 21:35

When you first met him Pirate what length trips was he doing? Did you discuss it then what sort of trips he had planned in future? My DH has a very active obsessive and expensive hobby too. 2 weeks and lots of mini breaks for it is my limit and he’s always known that. I don’t personally find that selfish obsessive hobby attractive in a partner and have always been clear I support his hobby but not at the detriment to the kind of relationship I want or to the point where I keep house whilst he travels solo - I would rather be solo! So for him to try change that would very much annoy me and cause issues. I think your DH should be open to compromise and should care what you think and feel. You are entitled to have the relationship you want too.

Macaroni46 · 16/09/2025 21:37

TakeMe2Insanity · 16/09/2025 21:20

I’d want to know a schedule and daily check ins. For that time, I’d arrange to fly over for a weekend so he’d get a break and a chance to meet up.

How controlling.

CalzoneOnLegs · 16/09/2025 21:37

He sounds amazing, he must be so fit to do that, let him fulfil his dreams OP life is too short

Falseknock · 16/09/2025 21:37

Shortdaysalready · 16/09/2025 21:09

Because 6 weeks is a very long holiday. OP has made it clear she isn't happy about him being away so long.
Marriages are supposed to be about compromises. Not about one partner waltzing off into the sunset like a single guy doing his own thing despite his partner voicing her concerns.

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What has she got to be concerned about Google where he is going to. It's not Thailand. He's 69 and this could be his last opportunity. It's nice to see an active pensioner who doesn't want to sit there gazing at the television, talking about mundane things. I used to work in care it's sad to watch. Some residents can't get up to put a cup in the sink and they could. I watched pensioners fade away and take pills for depression. He makes getting old sound exciting.

Mauro711 · 16/09/2025 21:37

You can’t really stop him doing it and arguing with him about will either make him begrudgingly stay at home with you or go anyway but it won’t be as enjoyable for him and you’ll still be pissed. It’s a lose-lose. He’s your husband but you don’t own him. If it’s a dealbreaker for you then let him know that, but 6 weeks in the grand scheme of things is really nothing and I can’t imagine I would ever feel it was reasonable to fight with someone about this.

BeHappySloth · 16/09/2025 21:37

Shortdaysalready · 16/09/2025 21:25

Oh I always forget that on MN holidays are sacred and take prescidence over relationships.

I also forget that a lot of posters on MN don't see marriage as a partnership. They see it as a matter of convenience for living and procreating. They don't accept a blending of the two parts into one unit: each participant just has to stay fiercely independent and prioritise their own wants because they really don't see any duty of care or any responsibility for the happiness of the person they are married to.

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What a sad view of marriage you have.

I have been married for 25 years and with my husband for 30 years. We are certainly a partnership but that doesn't mean that we have to be constantly joined at the hip. I love that he would support me to do stuff for myself and never want to stand in my way, and I would absolutely support him from following his own dreams and ambitions.

You talk about having responsibility for the happiness of the person that you're married to. Surely that extends to supporting them to fulfil their goals? And in any case, what kind of person could be genuinely happy if they knew that they had guilted their life partner into giving up on something that they really wanted to do? I would feel awful about causing my DH to miss out on something important to him.

UtterlyOtterly · 16/09/2025 21:38

I would hate my DH trying to stop me doing anything as amazing as a Camino, not that he would.

Surely you can find things to do while he's away? And then don't be miserable or resentful when he returns. Make a cake to celebrate his return and enjoy hearing all about it.