Hubby wants to do a 6 week holiday alone

[Piratecatcher]

Hi My hubby age 69 wants to go hiking solo for 6 weeks ..doing the Camino.. I am very upset about it as I feel its too long to be apart and also hurt that he is ok with that.. We have a good relationship usually and adult children. I have happily accepted him doing solo two week hikes in the past but 6 weeks feels too long and I am not a long distance hiker so I can’t join him. We are arguing about it.. Am I being selfish? He thinks I am.

Ahh that makes more sense that you’re upset.
i agree it’s too long but i began to see the other side when i read the comments but you’ve not been together for a very long time so 6 weeks does seem a big ask.
its a shame you don’t have a shared travel interest as you were so much older when you got together, I too wouldn’t expect to be parted for so long

I agree, but I was just pointing out that the OP might have got responses that she felt she could relate to more from somewhere where the posters were more in the older demographic.

You've been with your hubby about the same time as I've been with my partner 7 years ish. He wants to do everything together and quite often forgets I have teens and one child under 10, I feel smothered sometimes. A friend asked if I wanted to go to Prague this December as it was her winter dream and she knows I want to go back there one day. He was all sad faced but didn't complain.

I ended up giving in and adding him because I couldn't stand the sad puppy dog eyes anymore but I just wanted to be with my old high school friend I've not seen in the flesh for 15 years and she's almost died twice this last 2 years. So I was the sad one afterwards.
She ended up breaking her leg anyway so this winter is off the table but I hope to go maybe next year.

I'm mostly wheelchair bound and can use crutches short distances so it's not like I'd be galavanting around getting pissed, I just wanna go see that beautiful city again with my dear friend while I still have enough mobility to use crutches and not completely confined to a wheelchair.
She's also the same gender as me so it's not like I'm going on holiday with some random dude either. I have a 360° camera and a camera for taking spatial photos and videos, also live stream available for both so it's not like he couldn't call me and me give him a virtual tour of where I am and the sight seeing I would be doing. She also takes millions of holiday photos wherever she goes so there probably wouldn't be a moment he couldn't see.

Maybe look at hubby taking a 180 or 360 cam with him to clip onto his hiking gear to share the experience with you as often as he could? Might be something he would enjoy being able to do too since if you can't join him physically you can still kind of share it that way.
(My spatial camera eats battery but the 360 camera doesn't so much so if you do then research which is best for quality and battery life)

Slight word of warning here. A close friend's already X husband (deserted her and their two young children) did this. He met yet another woman and left his SECOND wife for her. It didn't last, but he wasn't the only one in his group of male Camino walkers who left their marriages after meeting someone on the Pilgrimage.

Men can meet women anywhere if they want to. Doesn't justify being coupled up all the time.

Most people have said that he should seize the opportunity.
You'd have a point if a lot of people on their 30s with young children had piled on and started saying how selfish he was because they were only looking at it from their perspective. But people haven't done that.
Younger people are perfectly capable of weighing up the situation and coming to the conclusion that while it would be selfish to wander off for 6 weeks with small children at home, it isn't selfish and it's a great opportunity in retirement when someone has presumably dedicated their life so far to their family and working etc.

The only responses she was going to be able to relate to are the ones saying "Yeah, he's selfish, you should stop him going".

@PiratecatcherI knew it was going to be the Camino when I saw 6 weeks 🤣
(I did it).
Let him go OP. Let him have this. It can be life changing. You could meet him in Santiago for a few days at the end, or arrange a meeting point along the way, then the absence won’t be so long.
And do something of your own during that time - make the most of it.

@FluffyBenji23 oh come on, that is the worst possible reason to not ‘let’ a partner go. If that happens then it’s because he wanted it to so there was clearly already a problem.

@Piratecatcher another option is that he does less than 6 weeks, or does half this year and half next. You can start and end the Camino at any point, it’s not all or nothing. Some people do a one week section every year till they’ve finished it!

It very much sounds like that particular man could just as easily have met his third wife by the sliced bread in Tesco.

But that’s often because they are working and don’t have the time. Doing it in one go is a massive part of it for a lot of people.

I don’t think OP is coming back but it would be good to understand her reasoning or if people’s comments have changed things

i know one couple who do everything g together and prioritise time together at the expense of friends, family and even work. But they are both happy with that. If one isn’t then it becomes very stifling. As with all relationships, keeping the communication channels open and compromise are the best tools

Why shouldn’t he do it? Assuming the OP is good health, there are no pressing domestic responsibilities and enough money, what possible reason could there be for him not doing it?

OP, are you feeling insecure because you fear he is looking for something in walking the Camino that he can’t get from his marriage?

Or that he has a personal goal / challenge that you can’t or won’t take part in or don’t share?

Maybe talk to him about that. And really listen to what he says.

T

If he wants to do it and you don't, then why would you stop him? None of us know how long we have left, or at 69 how long you have left of good health, so I think you should let him go and perhaps meet him along the way for a couple of rest days!

I would if it was something I had no interest in and it was important to my DH because I can think outside of myself and be fine on my own and would hope he would be the same.

There are no children to worry about and if it was about finances, OP would have said something.

There is also no indication he would stop her from doing what she wants either.

I’d love six weeks of the house to myself. I’d miss my DH but there are plenty of things I could think of that I would do.

My goodness- when I saw the title I assumed you had small children. He’s retired! Let him do what he dreams of doing.

dont hold him back.

If I wanted to do a trip like this, and my dp said “Oh,I’ll meet you half way for a couple of days” I’d feel I had to say yes, but I would secretly seethe!

Why ??

Same, I’d want something like this as mine, time to myself, I’d think of it and like a spiritual journey and wouldn’t want to come out of my zone until I’d completed the walk.

I agree @PlumpAndDeliciousFatcat, it happened because he was on the lookout, not because he did the Camino.

Tbh, she was particularly well rid of him. I’m not Catholic, but I appreciate that there’s a spiritual element to the pilgrimage and it’s particularly gross that some people use it as an opportunity to hook up. He clearly didn’t have a spiritual/contemplative cell in him, ugh.

Because it would be my thing. I would think about it and plan it. I would choose what I wanted to listen to and read and if I wanted a rest day,or a completely silent day, I’d want to choose it to suit myself rather than having to fit in with someone else. It would be a very hard thing to do and I wouldn’t want to have to think about anyone but myself.

@CurlewKatein my first message I was urging her to let him do it! I’m all for it!

@Bruisername I know that, I’m just saying it’s an option 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why is it taking the piss? they don't have young children to look after and he really wants to do this hike (presumably while he's still able to at 69 years old)