Hubby wants to do a 6 week holiday alone

[Piratecatcher]

Hi My hubby age 69 wants to go hiking solo for 6 weeks ..doing the Camino.. I am very upset about it as I feel its too long to be apart and also hurt that he is ok with that.. We have a good relationship usually and adult children. I have happily accepted him doing solo two week hikes in the past but 6 weeks feels too long and I am not a long distance hiker so I can’t join him. We are arguing about it.. Am I being selfish? He thinks I am.

Do you think you are over reliant on him for companionship etc? If you had young children then I think that would be unreasonable but you don't.

Enjoying life while you are still able is important. You can't live tiny lives in each other's pockets. Maybe you need to find things you are passionate about too.

OP, YABU (or maybe he is) to talk about walking the Camino. There are many, many variants of the Camino de Santiago, depending on where the original medieval pilgrims started from. You (he?) presumably mean the Camino Francés from St John Pied de Port, as that's the one that is popular with UK TV documentaries with celebrities and US films. Other Caminos are available.

I can proudly say I walked the Camino de Santiago. (It was the Camino Inglés from Ferrol, which took me 7 days, when I was 60). My boyfriend (plus others) came out for a superb pre-Camino holiday and walked for a bit when I officially set off. They then left me to it. It was a brilliant experience.

My only other comment is that the idea of meeting in the middle is not something I'd have wanted. Beginning, yes, obvs. End, yes. Once you're in the Camino zone, no.

When he is away, sell up, move and don't tell him where you moved to.

Soldiers leave their families for months. He's never going to be able to do something he really wants unless u are in tow and u don't want to do it.

Does this particular hike take 6 weeks to complete? Could u go to the destination and have a hotel holiday whilst he does his hike? I get it's a long holiday but I also feel for people that can't do a passion cause another won't let them.

Oh my God....does he want my husband for company??? 6 weeks of peace and quiet and the bed to myself would be a dream come true 🤣

If you have a passion for long hiking adventures it’s hard to ignore. At 69 I would be proud and wish my DH well and of course let him go. 6 weeks will flyby. Can you do a yoga or spa retreat or something?

Life’s too short not to do the things you really want to do. I often think that compromise means no one gets to du they would really like. If it was me, I’d be on the hike but as it’s you who doesn’t like long likes, why not fly out and join him for a short part of it?

I think you're being selfish. Six weeks is nothing. He's 69. Do you really want to deny him this? Just because you are 'not a long distance hiker' does not mean that he isn't, or that he should give up this part of himself and sit at home with you.

Grow up.

Why tit for tat @SouthernBelle21 ? I would totally take my own holiday , why not ?

Yes, maybe the teacher will be more of a reflective practitioner

So, have you decided not to be so foolish and selfish and encourage him to do his once in a lifetime dream come true?

Or is he going to go anyway while you miserably try and fail to control him?

Or, worst, of all, have you managed to destroy his dream so you can watch him sitting at home, defeated and sad and forever resentful because you can't stand your own company for a few weeks, and won't contemplate even trying to support him?

Up until my kids were of school age, I regularly took them home to my family in Asia while my husband stayed in UK to work and look after the pets etc. often we’d be gone for 6weeks, he never minded and neither did I! When kids were of school age, I tended to fly home annually with them during Easter holidays so usually about 3-4weeks. I don’t see the problem, maybe plan things to do while he’s gone, lead your own life?

He’s 69, he might not feel up to it in a few years, of course he should go!

First thought needy, second thought , picture, spitfire, send him on his way.

It’s mean of you to stop him doing it. Why do you want to hold him back? You won’t do it with him, so if you don’t let him do it that means he doesn’t get to either. Very controlling of you, sorry.

Some are really mean I agree.

I would not be happy with this- but then again I have been with my DP 45 years but we have never been apart longer than 3 weeks- and that was once early on, when I went on an archaeological dig for my degree. We spent as much time together as we could when we both worked- but since my OH retired and I only do one day a week we spend more time apart- probably nearly as much as when we were both working. It's whatever balance suits you really- but 6 weeks sounds far too long to me.

What sre you worried would happen to you if were not with your husband for six weeks?

He might enjoy himself without her and get some meaning out of his life that doesn't mean he has to be clamped to her side.

I personally wouldn’t mind if it was something I wouldn’t want to do. For example, if my husband was off to Barbados for 6 weeks without me I’d be furious! If he wanted to go and watch the cricket somewhere for 6 weeks I’d hope he had a good time. But we are used to spending time apart, he works away nearly every week. I guess at the age of 69 I’d think it may be that he thinks this is the last time he will feel fit enough and I’d really not like to take that away from him? My only worry is the fitness and him staying in touch so you’re not constantly worried, is that possible!

Let him go - and move if you can. If you cannot, pack his things for him - in black sacks, put them outside and tell him he will have to take them with him.

It sounds harsh, but at his age it is worrying, and unless you do something dramatic to get the thought out of his mind, he will resent you. This way he has a choice.

It is usually a mid forties thing with men. You drew the short straw - or not, depending on what he was like in his 40's.

Do something. Not a thing to be allowed really, but don't mention the 'D' word.

So, OP, have you run away now the vast majority have told you how selfish, foolish and unkind you are being?

I was trying to answer the OP's question- how comfortable you are with separation depends on your relationship and your personal experience. We are not talking about me so I don't really understand why you are asking this question.

This!! I’m amazed at the votes on this and think it’s bat shit… there’s no way many people would be happy about a partner buggaring off for 6 weeks!
I’d tell him fine but only if there’s enough finances for you to also go away for 6 weeks…. Maybe you could go to New Zealand or Australia for a month !!!

I think it’s partly because it’s the Camino @T1Dmama. A centuries-old religious pilgrimage that’s physically challenging but perhaps very spiritually rewarding, is very different to a six-week holiday.