Hubby wants to do a 6 week holiday alone

[Piratecatcher]

Hi My hubby age 69 wants to go hiking solo for 6 weeks ..doing the Camino.. I am very upset about it as I feel its too long to be apart and also hurt that he is ok with that.. We have a good relationship usually and adult children. I have happily accepted him doing solo two week hikes in the past but 6 weeks feels too long and I am not a long distance hiker so I can’t join him. We are arguing about it.. Am I being selfish? He thinks I am.

I wonder if the OP will be back to give an update, since the balance of opinion on here is so firmly in her DH's favour?

I hope the fact she posted was a sign that she was prepared to accept that she was being unreasonable, not just looking for support for her position. That doesn't usually seem to be what happens, though.

OP, have you had another chat with your DH and said that on second thoughts, it's a great thing for him to do, and maybe you can fly out to join him for the last couple of days?

He's not got a great deal of mobile years left let him enjoy a 6 week hike you don't have small children to worry about .
Would you prefer he just sat around doing sweet f all instead ?

I’d wave him off cheerfully. I’d love to do a solo trip like that and would hope my husband would be supportive.

Also - the house to yourself for 6 weeks - bliss

What is it exactly that makes you feel like this? Do you have trust issues? Do you think you'll feel lonely? Are you perhaps jealous he's living out a dream? Absolutely no judgement but definitely worth exploring what exactly the issue is so you can communicate this with your partner.

It seems a little controlling. I think you must be more worried about what he is doing than you are cracking on. If he is seeing someone else he will do it anyway. If he is doing what he says and you stop him you risk him leaving. Many people are away from partners for a period of time.
Are you very dependent on him? Organise some nice things to do. Make phone calls to family and friends. Read some books. Watch what you like on tv. Go for a swim, a run, the gym. Have a weekend camping. The time will fly.

Sorry, I think you are being a bit unreasonable. I am assuming that he is retired so has plenty of time and also that money is not a major issue (seeing as you don't mention it). So the only issue seems to be that you don't want to be apart that long, and also that you are offended that he is ok with being apart from you that long. I think it is OK to prefer him not to go, but I don't think that is sufficient reason to make him feel bad about going. And if your relationship is good generally and you still enjoy spending time together, you shouldn't read too much into him wanting to do this alone. Surely you have had and will have enough time together too.

I'd be perfectly happy with DH doing this, and am considering a long adventurous solo trip myself soon. I would be amazed if DH had a problem with it.

PS - could you perhaps meet him for a small part of the trip half way? He could have a short break from walking?

Me too! Ditto ‘wind your neck in’. Both only ever seen on MN, by me, anyway.

I’d be ok with that but would want to be planning my own jaunts too…

Come on OP. Let the man live out a dream while he still can!

So this is rather different, but 28 years ago I had been with my boyfriend for about 3.5 years and were living together in the UK. I wanted to do a PhD in California (Stanford, to be precise). Yes I could have done it in the UK, but for various reasons I thought Stanford would be the best place. I received all sorts of negative comments and dire warnings about the impossibility of a trans-atlantic relationship for the length of an American PhD, including from my mother and a professor. My boyfriend was entirely supportive and never once made me feel bad or guilty or applied any pressure at all. We enjoyed 4.5 years travelling between UK and California, but typically spent periods of 6 weeks apart between visits. We got married part way through and i was pregnant with our first child by the time I returned. We are still happily married. If he hadn't responded that way, I doubt we would still be together today. Such a contrast to my previous jealous possessive boyfriend who threw a ridiculous fit when I wanted to spend once summer during my undergrad travelling by myself. Compared to my transatlantic PhD, 6 weeks is absolutely nothing. Celebrate the fact that he wants to do this and love him for it. I think its amazing!

It depends. A friend of mine did it in one stage, 900 or so kilometers and she would not do it any other way as that is how she planned and felt to do it. So looks like he might feel the same way?

He is 69, and life is short, especially ‘fit to hike for 6 weeks’ type of life. He should go. Everyone should spend their life after children have grown, living. Do everything you want to that you can afford to. You never know when everything changes and he will surely resent the missed opportunity if you stop him or make him feel guilty. If you cannot go with, then you find something of your own to do. You should be glad he is able enough.

I don’t understand why you think 6 weeks apart is too long?

You might miss each other but that’s not a bad thing.

I think it’s a lovely idea and i would be getting excited for my DP and thinking if there’s anything similar I would like to do for myself.

I can understand how he’s gone from two week solo to wanting to do the Camino as it’s a bit of a Mecca for walkers. Idk how you should feel but I’d be worried I might get too accustomed to living without him!

sounds like an amazing trip. I don’t understand why you would want to stop your DH potentially fulfilling a dream? If you had young children or had to factor in work holidays, etc that would be different. Find somewhere nice to stay towards the end of his hiking trip and meet him at the finish. Life is too short

I honestly wouldn't care about this and while I'd miss DH I'd quite relish the time to please myself for a while. If it is something that means a lot to him to complete and it's not something where it's suitable or appropriate for you to do it together then I don't see the issue. You are not lovestruck teenagers, you should be able to manage six weeks apart without it dooming the relationship.

You can speak regularly and facetime so it's not as if he's going completely AWOL with no means of contact for the whole time.

I don't think you're being unreasonable but I think you'd better let him please himself if he's really set his little heart on it.

Alone, or with mates? Are you worried about something?
Sounds like he wants to fulfill a dream before it's too late. Why prevent that unless there was an unacceptable element of danger?

For the Camino I would be happy for DH to spend 6 weeks. It's a very special thing.

Is it possible for a compromise so he doesn't do it all at once? Maybe two sessions of three weeks?

Or go out and meet him for a weekend part way through.

Please let him go and follow his dream. Life is so short. Don’t let resentment build - it’s a waste of energy and life.

Sorry, if I've missed something, or if you have any physical limitations, but have you considered training so you can go too, even for a part of it? I've explored lots of things I had never done before (mountain biking, trekking, camping) in my 50s with my (new) partner. I was nervous and even broke a limb at one point, but it feels to liberating to be trying new things and keeping one's mind/body active and engaged.

OP, please let him make this choice like the independent adult he is. Adults are allowed to pursue their interests independently, he only gets one stab at life and at 69 there won't be a better time for him to undertake this. It'll nourish him for years to come and he'll be able to look back on it and feel satisfaction, and be happy that you supported him.

Why not plan your own solo holiday, or one with friends? I can't understand people who want to live in one another's pockets all the time. Go on a painting holiday, a yoga retreat, learn a language abroad, cookery course - go out and LIVE! Then you will both have new experience to talk to one another about.

And yes, he'll resent you if you stop him going. Why on earth would you?

She will miss him even more and be even lonlier if he thinks fk it divorces her and goes off to do all the things he's wanted and she's emotionally manipulated him out of over the years

Overall, I agree that if it’s something he’s passionate about, let him go or he could become resentful. However, if he’s done multiple solo trips and now wants to do this extended trip, I’d be questioning how much time he wants to spend alone and whether he’s going to spring something else on you next like a round the world cruise.

It’s fine if you also do trips together and get quality time as a couple generally but if not, that should be addressed. To keep you both happy, he could definitely offer to shorten the trip even slightly to 4-5 weeks or suggest extending by a week or two so you could also have your own holiday together and you could feel partly included.