Hubby wants to do a 6 week holiday alone

[Piratecatcher]

Hi My hubby age 69 wants to go hiking solo for 6 weeks ..doing the Camino.. I am very upset about it as I feel its too long to be apart and also hurt that he is ok with that.. We have a good relationship usually and adult children. I have happily accepted him doing solo two week hikes in the past but 6 weeks feels too long and I am not a long distance hiker so I can’t join him. We are arguing about it.. Am I being selfish? He thinks I am.

I feel it's completely bizarre you don't want him to do this. Like what is your actual reason? It's six weeks not six months, use the time to catch up with other friends and interests and your adult children or go somewhere solo yourself. Enjoy some you-time. I know every relationship is different but if this is something he really wants to do it seems utterly bizarre and unhealthy to try to prevent him or make him feel bad about it. If a husband was saying this to a woman who wanted to go on the trip of a lifetime alone everyone would say the husband was being controlling and I think the same in this scenario.

We only live once. If it is something he really wants to do I would be fine with that, in the same way if it was something I wanted to do I would ask he gave me the same respect. I got the opportunity to do a deployment away for five weeks, I didn’t have to go but I wanted to. At the time I had no children and I would have been absolutely livid if he’d said I couldn’t go. Years fly by and there are 52 weeks. This is only 6 of them and could be the trip of a lifetime.

If you've said you'd meet him half way through for a break, then he continues on, I think that is weird though.

Same

As a long distance walker myself, with the Camino on my wishlist, I think you shouldn't stop him from doing this. I've spent approx 6 weeks apart from my dh for another reason (family illness on the other side of the world) and, to be honest, the time goes very quickly. If I were you, I would book to fly out and be there for him at the end. That would shorten the time apart. You can also video call each other. And of course, you get to decide the next big adventure you undertake together.

At first I kind of baulked at the 6 weeks part but having thought about it & read some other posts I think he should be able to do it, I know some people who have done The Camino both alone & in groups & no one has ever regretted it, it wouldn't be for me personally but I can't say I'd begrudge my OH if we were retired &/or our boys were adults

Try to find something to do for yourself while he's away, I think there's ways of sending care packages etc to the stop offs or maybe I'm thinking of the Appalachian Trail plus agreeing with PP could you fly out for his last leg & turn it into a mini break while he gets his R&R?

Hey, I can understand you being disheartened, I would be too. But how about you do something you’re interested in for 6 weeks? Obviously if funds allow.. you could both have this one ‘selfish’ and it may even do wonders for your relationship. You both get an amazing life experience, miss each other and have good fun catching up after. What is something you’ve always dreamt of doing? Just trying to make the best of the situation.. I don’t think it’s right you’re left at home worrying about him for a whole 6 weeks. Maybe plan your own adventure?

If it’s selfish on your part then it certainly is on his part too.
Why is it ok/totally reasonable for him to want to go off for six weeks but if you’re not happy about it you are controlling and selfish?
Sauce for the goose.
As an aside when DH wanted to do this we agreed I would travel by car (happy to drive in Spain) each day to where he would be staying and book into the hotel. He wouldn’t stay in the hostels, he’s too fond of his creature comforts for that!
But it came to nothing in the end, probably because he couldn’t be arsed to sort it all out. (i do all the —donkey work— prep for our holidays after we’ve agreed on where and when.)

Can only speak for myselfI would absolutely let my husband go. He has a right to do things with his one and only life that are important to him. Walking the camino for some is a spiritual growth experience, a once in a lifetime thing. Your kids are adultmaybe plan something for yourself during that time?

God, how I hate the expression 'give your head a wobble' 😫!

Very selfish! Why not plan things you want to do alone whilst he’s away. I honestly struggle to understand such needy women.

My partner and I both love distance hiking and running, but if one of us becomes incapable of doing such things I’d absolutely expect the other still would.

Don’t you have your own friends and hobbies to keep you busy for a few weeks?

If there isn't any responsibilities (young children) and you can afford it then it'd be awful to stop him going. You both only have one life and you should do whatever makes you happy if finances and responsibilities aren't a consideration
Can't you meet him for a night or two in the middle of his walk and then again at the end you could celebrate with him?

You could fly out and meet him for a few days half way?

I think for me it depends on what your reason is for not wanting him to be gone for 6 weeks? Is he your carer, would you struggle to manage practically without him? Or is it just that you would miss him? If it’s the latter then surely you need to not be selfish and let him go. My husband and I have loads of separate hobbies and a few joint ones too, and we would absolutely not stand in the way of the other one doing a big one off trip like this (and we have young-ish children still). But then we are both quite independent people.

I wonder what is it that makes you feel you cant be with him for six weeks?

Six weeks sounds like a long time and I understand where you’re coming from. But if you organise a couple of mini breaks and a few treats for yourself the weeks would soon pass. And I wonder if you said no to him would he resent it forever?

My husband is 68 and would love to do this - but realises he needs to get in training. I would be glad he is fit, healthy and engaged enough to want to do it! If retired, why the hell not? You could fly out to join him mid way / at the end? If it's totally unaffordable or something, then fair enough.

I am sure you can find a solution for this. He can do it and you can join him for the last couple of weeks? If you don't fancy hiking for that long, you can just meet some days at certain points in the camino.

I’d happily let mine go and would try and go away myself in the middle, either alone or with a friend.

I personally would be thrilled if my OH went off for six weeks, but OP is clearly upset. Enough to post on MN, about the arguing and her husband's disinterest in her feelings. She will miss him. She might worry about his safety. She might feel lonely whilst he is away. Can you genuinely not understand people feeling upset about things you personally wouldn't?

My DH is that age and I'd just let him go on the basis that it's the sort of thing that might be on a bucket list, very specialised. I wouldn't be happy if he went somewhere to do nothing in particular without me for six weeks, but this feels different.

Sorry - not read the whole thread in case I've lost anything here. Mine does the same. I feel it's a safe mid-life crisis. I also want him to do the things he can do while he's fit enough to do it. I travel out and join him for the stages of hikes I can do, or for a long weekend and he has a break with me.

More importantly its made me focus on what's important to me, I now also get the breaks I need and he can take over the 'air traffic control' job.

Stay sane and good luck!

No - not in this scenario, I can't. They have no dependants, she hasn't mentioned any health issues. No wonder her DH does not appear empathetic.

I'm sorry, but no - missing someone and feeling lonely is not enough to deny your significant something they are clearly very passionate about - and may not have the opportunity to do again.

Surely you just meet up with friends/do hobbies/book a trip during the time he's away.

If this is his dream he needs to do it now while he is fit and capable.

If you love him, support him.

It’s a particular challenge, physical, psychological, maybe spiritual.

If he was jetting off solo for 6 weeks in Thailand you’d have a point.

I would admire a man who does this.

You are a grown up, you can manage without him for 6 weeks.