Hubby wants to do a 6 week holiday alone

[Piratecatcher]

Hi My hubby age 69 wants to go hiking solo for 6 weeks ..doing the Camino.. I am very upset about it as I feel its too long to be apart and also hurt that he is ok with that.. We have a good relationship usually and adult children. I have happily accepted him doing solo two week hikes in the past but 6 weeks feels too long and I am not a long distance hiker so I can’t join him. We are arguing about it.. Am I being selfish? He thinks I am.

Was ready to be livid if you had young children and a daily grind.

Retired with adult children: absolutely fine and you need to find your own hobbies.

I would let him do it. Perhaps arrange to meet up for a couple of nights halfway, then again at the end and have a few days together in a nice hotel.

Are you taking this as some slight that he doesn't love you as otherwise he wouldn't want to be apart for so long? Has something happened previously that has made you doubt him or to you that says if someone loved me they won't leave me? What is your attachment style, anxious? Someone else has suggested articulating what feelings this is stirring up in you, what story are you telling yourself - if he loved me he wouldn't......

You're being ridiculous. We all have one precious life and this means a lot to him. I'd divorce you for being such a selfish wet blanket.

I’d let him go, sounds amazing. Like others say it’d be taking the piss if he had work or caring responsibilities. It’s something he might not be able to do in ten plus years so why not now?

My DH has WFH for years before CV19. I wish he'd go away for 6 weeks.

I would be worried, as although he may seem fit, he may have an accident and in spite of the fact Canino is a well trodden route, there may be no one to immediately help him.
That being said, find a friend and do something you would like doing, he can’t expect you to stay at home!

You haven’t explained what your exact objection is so I’m assuming it’s simply because you’d miss him. I’d say YABU because at your age (assuming you are a similar age to DH and are both retired) you don’t have work keeping you apart on a daily basis or any shared commitments like childcare that you’d have to deal with alone while he’s away. It seems selfish of you to expect him to miss out on such an amazing experience just because you can’t/won’t (again your reasons aren’t clear) join him.

Imagine wanting to do a bucket list thing, and your OH said no? Its his life, this is a (presumably) 1 time thing. You aren't just saying not now, youre saying never.

You're being unreasonable

Let him go and book yourself a nice relaxing long holiday for yourself . Somewhere hot , with a friend or alone . And if he says anything say “ oh l thought we were doing separate holidays now !”

It’s the only way to do the camino.
I think you’re being unreasonable because you’re annoyed you can’t do it.

Tbh, I still think that's a bit self-indulgent.

That's just me personally, and everyone's different, I get that. But I'd be thinking "is it not a spiritual journey if you go for three weeks instead of six? Do you not learn anything about yourself if you do it in two stages and meet your wife in the middle?"

Myself, I'd be glad for a break from my OH for a few weeks! But if he wanted to do something I was really unhappy about, then "because spirituality" wouldn't be a good argument, imo. Maybe different if the husband in question was a priest or a guru or something. But for your average adult going on a holiday they fancy, I wouldn't be impressed with a sudden zeal for the mysterious, as an excuse to basically be inconsiderate and upset someone they're supposed to care about. Obviously I don't know anything about OPs husband; maybe he has devoted him life to finding a higher purpose.

if It is a one off time and is the trip and experience of a lifetime then u have no business saying no to him. It’s 6 weeks out his life! U are being mega unreasonable and needy - (highly unattractive trait imo).
if he was doing this all the time or even every year then fair enough i see your point but it sounds like
this is a special trip so why would you not be encouraging this?? As long as he is not putting you in debt to do it, and he will be in touch as much as possible for kids etc then you have no say at all. It’s his life just as yours is yours. 6 weeks is nothing. Get some good plans made yourself. This can be a great time to look forward to

Why?

We all have one precious life

Precisely my perspective - sometimes we are unable to do things/achieve goals because of our life stage/health/financial challenges etc.

So when opportunities present themselves - we should be able to grab them without our significant others blocking them - without valid reason.

Are there things you'd like to do, too? Because while he's away would be the perfect time.

We get one chance of life on this planet, and he clearly wants to see some of it. I don't see anything wrong with what he's doing, honestly. Make a list of things you want to do that he wouldn't be keen on, and start working through them while he's away.

6 weeks really isn't a long time in the grand scheme of life - but at his age, you don't know how much longer he's going to be up for such an expedition, so PLEASE let him do it! He will regret it if he can't.

😶

Sorry, "a lot of needlessly harsh replies" to what imo is a fair question.

Yeah, because that kind of tit for tat attitude is really grown up and mature, isn't it? Well done you.

Give him your blessing and be pleased you have an adventurous partner. And do something really special for yourself too.

Let him go, life's too short & he may resent you for it if he backs out. As others have said, 6 weeks isn't that long out of a lifetime.

Totally selfish.

Yabu. If you had young children and would have to solo parent during this time then I'd understand and be saying yanbu but seen as he's 69 I'm assuming you don't so he should go. Enjoy the time OP, go on a relaxing solo holiday yourself, have a spa day (or weekend) really pamper yourself.

It's something he really wants to do and can't do with you. I'll be delighted if DH still has the energy to do something like that at nearly 70.

I wouldn't be impressed with a sudden zeal for the mysterious, as an excuse to basically be inconsiderate and upset someone they're supposed to care about.

May I ask you why this would 'upset' you? I asked a PP if its just a case of them missing their OH - but they my not have seen the post.

I totally understand missing your partner - but to be honest I don't understand the upset.

I'm saying this as a 55 year old - @Piratecatcher - I'm aware it's relative and a 35 year old could ask the same of me.

Does your DH have any health risks? Is he up to a six weeks' hike on his own?

If it's yes and maybe not, I can see your point.

If not, and if it were me, after slogging it out year after year at work, I'd be really upset at a spouse being awkward about this, if you both have an equal amount of free time.

If my marriage was otherwise well, no health or financial concerns, I'd be okay with it and look to plan something of my own to do.

(I am guessing no 'new female friend' who just happens to be doing the trip too drip feed is coming....)