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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hubby wants to do a 6 week holiday alone

683 replies

Piratecatcher · 16/09/2025 19:59

Hi My hubby age 69 wants to go hiking solo for 6 weeks ..doing the Camino.. I am very upset about it as I feel its too long to be apart and also hurt that he is ok with that.. We have a good relationship usually and adult children. I have happily accepted him doing solo two week hikes in the past but 6 weeks feels too long and I am not a long distance hiker so I can’t join him. We are arguing about it.. Am I being selfish? He thinks I am.

OP posts:
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5
JJMama · 17/09/2025 17:56

corlan · 16/09/2025 20:08

I think you're being selfish. If you had young kids I could understand your point but you haven't given a good reason why he shouldn't go.

This. You could go but it’s not your thing. Doesn’t stop him going.

Lazygardener · 17/09/2025 17:58

Why not meet him half way (literally). Catch up with him at various points on the journey and have a bit of a holiday yourself. It does seem a shame to stand in the way of something that he obviously feels is important for him,

IndigoBrave · 17/09/2025 17:59

Could you not fly out and join him for a week half way through?

HellsBellsAndCatsWhiskers · 17/09/2025 18:00

On a personal note, I do dislike this idea that some folk have that we seem to cease as individuals when we couple up and can't possibly be apart for a few weeks. He's 69. He's worked all his days. He just wants to have an adventure while he still can. It might turn out to be a good thing, you can pursue stuff that you've always wanted to do in those 6 weeks.

minipie · 17/09/2025 18:01

Assuming he is retired and doesn’t have limited holidays then I do think YABU for all the reasons above.

I get that you will miss him, he will miss you too I’m sure but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t do it. Can you join him for say a week a couple of times? Or the middle 2 weeks?

CantBreathe90 · 17/09/2025 18:06

Every relationship is different, and fair enough some people would be fine with their partners doing this. But I think you're getting a lot of hate OP! I'm sure there are plenty of people who wouldn't want their partners going away for such a long stretch either! Hardly outside the scope of what would be considered "normal"!

If you have the money, I think a previous posters idea about meeting him for a week, three weeks in, might be good? Only if you'd be comfortable travelling there and alone. If he does end up going, I'd want a discussion about how it can't be the new norm to have six week holidays from each other.

Swissmeringue · 17/09/2025 18:06

YABU, What's the point in being retired if you can't pursue your passions and interests? If you had young children I'd understand entirely but it's not like he's leaving you in the lurch.

Let him go and do something nice for yourself while he's away.

LimoncelloSpritzplease · 17/09/2025 18:07

Originally I was going to say no to him. But thinking about it you can keep in touch easily these days and perhaps do something or a few things of your own and or meet him at the end.

MumOfTheMoos · 17/09/2025 18:09

Yep, I’d miss him, of course, but if I didn’t want to / couldn’t go with him then I would not stop him.

I would however take the opportunity to perhaps meet him along the way a couple of times and definitely be there at the end!

I have, over the last few years, almost completed the Pilgrims Way - I’m waiting until my DP & DS can join me to do the last 6 mile section (it’s been a very busy summer) so I have someone to celebrate with!

Mayana1 · 17/09/2025 18:12

Piratecatcher · 16/09/2025 19:59

Hi My hubby age 69 wants to go hiking solo for 6 weeks ..doing the Camino.. I am very upset about it as I feel its too long to be apart and also hurt that he is ok with that.. We have a good relationship usually and adult children. I have happily accepted him doing solo two week hikes in the past but 6 weeks feels too long and I am not a long distance hiker so I can’t join him. We are arguing about it.. Am I being selfish? He thinks I am.

I know some who went to Camino. All on their own. Is a journey where you need to deal with your own thoughts, struggles, fears... The one I know well said, she would never go with someone else, as she was reborn there and all was right as it was. She even wrote a book about it. It's not about hiking, I appreciate that you think 6 weeks is too long. But he is not going just on some hiking. He is going on Camino. Is spiritual and God's journey and he will be back different person. And I'm sure you will love the person he will become, as Camino completely change them for better. I would let him go and admire him for doing it.

BuildbyNumbere · 17/09/2025 18:13

Why not if it’s something he wants to do and you don’t.

Dutchhouse14 · 17/09/2025 18:13

I would be upset too, I think the key question here is can you go off for 6 weeks by yourself to fulfil your dreams?
If resources are limited then they should be equally shared Being married does involve compromising.
Anyway if he does go, book yourself a wonderful 6 week holiday too, or whatever you've always wanted to do/ buy yourself something you've always wanted of same value as his 6 week jaunt.
If there's not enough money then he'll have to go for 3 weeks so you can do something of equal value.

EmeraldDreams73 · 17/09/2025 18:14

Unless there's a very solid reason why you really couldn't manage without him for 6 weeks (and if that's the case I'd be looking for alternative options to ensure that I could, so he could go), I'm afraid I think you're being selfish too.

I'm sure he'd love you to come with him but it's your choice not to, I wouldn't want to do it either. I certainly wouldn't feel justified in stopping my dh doing something like that, especially given that your dc are grown up.

What is it you're worried about? If my dh wanted to do that (not that he could afford to), I'd be delighted for him and start making plans of my own for that time.

Blablibladirladada · 17/09/2025 18:14

Hi op,
6 weeks is a bit long and it is upsetting he won’t change anything but then there isn’t much you can do…
If he is healthy and able, he will likely go. Book something yourself and be happy but it is something that might become yearly so maybe get used to it…

WFHforevermore · 17/09/2025 18:17

Piratecatcher · 16/09/2025 20:30

I did suggest stages but he won’t do that .. I guess I need to find a trip to do on my own. Unfortunately the stuff I would like to do would be a different season

Show quote history

Why do you "need" to find a trip? You arent a child playing tit for tat.

Stop being selfish and trying to ruin it for him. Be happy for him and enjoy the peace and quiet while he's gone!!

Chinsupmeloves · 17/09/2025 18:18

I'd help him pack his bags lol 😆

RisingSunn · 17/09/2025 18:18

Dutchhouse14 · 17/09/2025 18:13

I would be upset too, I think the key question here is can you go off for 6 weeks by yourself to fulfil your dreams?
If resources are limited then they should be equally shared Being married does involve compromising.
Anyway if he does go, book yourself a wonderful 6 week holiday too, or whatever you've always wanted to do/ buy yourself something you've always wanted of same value as his 6 week jaunt.
If there's not enough money then he'll have to go for 3 weeks so you can do something of equal value.

Can I ask what you'd be upset about? Or do you mean you will just miss your partner?

WestwardHo1 · 17/09/2025 18:18

CantBreathe90 · 17/09/2025 18:06

Every relationship is different, and fair enough some people would be fine with their partners doing this. But I think you're getting a lot of hate OP! I'm sure there are plenty of people who wouldn't want their partners going away for such a long stretch either! Hardly outside the scope of what would be considered "normal"!

If you have the money, I think a previous posters idea about meeting him for a week, three weeks in, might be good? Only if you'd be comfortable travelling there and alone. If he does end up going, I'd want a discussion about how it can't be the new norm to have six week holidays from each other.

She's not getting any "hate"! She posted asking for opinions and people are giving them! That's not "hate".

Marieb19 · 17/09/2025 18:19

Personally, I think 6 weeks is quite a long time to be apart but i realise everyone is different. It is quite easy to split a long hike into several sections. We are doing that with the SWCP. If your partners is determined to go, I would make plans to go on a cruise or european tour while he was away. He can't expect you to sit at home watching Netflix.

SatsumaDog · 17/09/2025 18:19

At 69 he probably wants to do it whilst he still can. I would let him do it.

Mayana1 · 17/09/2025 18:20

CantBreathe90 · 17/09/2025 18:06

Every relationship is different, and fair enough some people would be fine with their partners doing this. But I think you're getting a lot of hate OP! I'm sure there are plenty of people who wouldn't want their partners going away for such a long stretch either! Hardly outside the scope of what would be considered "normal"!

If you have the money, I think a previous posters idea about meeting him for a week, three weeks in, might be good? Only if you'd be comfortable travelling there and alone. If he does end up going, I'd want a discussion about how it can't be the new norm to have six week holidays from each other.

Camino is a different thing. He is not going for hiking! And I guess the OP has no clue either. I guess plenty of people here don't understand that majority or peregrins did it alone. It's a spiritual journey. Reason why he wants to go alone and I admire him for it.

Itisabeautifulday · 17/09/2025 18:23

Louoby · 16/09/2025 20:12

Pull up your big girl pants and let him have an adventure. We only live once and who knows what’s around the corner. It’s just 6 weeks.

Edited

This, as long ad he is a good husband and trustworthy I wouldn’t mind. Book a holiday for you. Can you join him for part of it?

PlumpAndDeliciousFatcat · 17/09/2025 18:23

Marieb19 · 17/09/2025 18:19

Personally, I think 6 weeks is quite a long time to be apart but i realise everyone is different. It is quite easy to split a long hike into several sections. We are doing that with the SWCP. If your partners is determined to go, I would make plans to go on a cruise or european tour while he was away. He can't expect you to sit at home watching Netflix.

If he wants to do it as a thru-hike I really can't see why he shouldn't. Dividing an iconic, probably once-in-a-lifetime trail like the Camino or the PCT into section hikes is a totally different experience.

Mayana1 · 17/09/2025 18:23

Blablibladirladada · 17/09/2025 18:14

Hi op,
6 weeks is a bit long and it is upsetting he won’t change anything but then there isn’t much you can do…
If he is healthy and able, he will likely go. Book something yourself and be happy but it is something that might become yearly so maybe get used to it…

He will come back changed. And that is what she should understand. He is not going for hiking holidays. Camino is a spiritual journey, supported by faith and people get reborn there.

MrsDoubtfire1 · 17/09/2025 18:24

People often go on the Camino walk to work things out of their system, come to terms with a situation, for spiritual reasons. They are many and varied. It is a once in a life time event and should be done while one is still able so you can say you have achieved it and look back on it. If that were my husband, I would be supporting him to the hilt and wishing him well on his way and looking forward to hearing all his stories when he returns.