Hubby wants to do a 6 week holiday alone

[Piratecatcher]

Hi My hubby age 69 wants to go hiking solo for 6 weeks ..doing the Camino.. I am very upset about it as I feel its too long to be apart and also hurt that he is ok with that.. We have a good relationship usually and adult children. I have happily accepted him doing solo two week hikes in the past but 6 weeks feels too long and I am not a long distance hiker so I can’t join him. We are arguing about it.. Am I being selfish? He thinks I am.

Well done! Not selfish at all. I will read the thread at leisure.

@Twodogsonthecouch Hello there, many of us followed and enjoyed your posts from your fabulous adventure last year.

Anything else in the pipeline?

Yes, you are being selfish.
This is a great time for him to do this and he's probably dreamed of doing this for years and hasn't been able to. He wouldn't have been able to go when his children were growing up or when he was working because it would have used up all the holiday allowance for the year. Now he's retired and still fit enough to do this it's the ideal time. Presumably he doesn't have caring responsibilities for you yet, this could happen in the future, or he could become ill himself. He definitely should go and seize this opportunity right now and you should be supporting him.
I don't see why you can't spend 6 weeks without him. He'll still be in contact all of the time and you can talk to him. Use the time to go on a holiday of your own choice or whatever. Fly over and meet up with him at the end or do a few days with him so you can experience what it's like.

My ex husband wouldn’t let me go to Spain with a friend to see her villa. She needed a hand hold after her husband died and it was only for a week. I went anyway, but it just added to our already stressed out relationship, hence we divorced.

It would do you both good to be apart for a while, send him off with your blessing and find a trip of your own to do with a friend.

Thanks @Arregaithel . This was this years adventure

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5318873-has-anyone-hiked-from-tegernsee-in-germany-to-sterzing-in-italy?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

Much shorter and not solo but the Camino gave me the confidence to do it.
It also gave me the confidence to apply for a new role in quite a senior position in a very tangential area to my day to day job which I started a few weeks ago and am enjoying a lot even though it’s well out of my comfort zone so lots of positives.

@Piratecatcher

My dad is 61 and did the Camino solo this year he trained for a long time and has been a life long hiker/walker and the Camino was a significant goal for him after having kidney cancer 3 years ago.

He found it much harder than he expected, I think he is still glad he did it, but I am not sure he would do it again in any rush.

That being said my mother didn't stop him, she winged a bit but at the end of the day his time is his own.

6 weeks is nothing.

I'd be helping my hubby pack and sending him on his merry way whilst planning all sorts of solo activities while i have the luxury of 6 whole weeks to myself!

I think the question you have to ask yourself, OP, is when exactly you would ‘allow’ your husband to undertake this once-in-a-lifetime pilgrimage. Is the answer ‘never’, and does being married to you mean that he will never be able to do this with your support?

so I don't derail, just finally wanted to say to @Twodogsonthecouch how fabulous that you've seized the day/s, both times.

Huge congratulations, such achievements are totally worth commemorating with your awesome tattoo.
🙌 🥂

Many people dream of doing the Camino at least once in their lives. It's not just another hike, it's something really special and plenty of people prefer to hike it alone.

Your husband may not have many years left in which he's fit enough to do it. Personally I wouldn't want to get between someone I love and an achievement like that.

Perhaps you could spend some of the time doing a trip that would be meaningful to you.

Your poor dad, and all of you. Horrible disease. I'm so glad he had that incredible experience.

Just go do your own thing for 6 weeks.

I couldn't see the issue really. I'd quite like to have the house to myself for 6 weeks!

And I think it's a long enough time that I'd really miss DP by the time she got back. And I kind of see that as a good thing, absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that. I love DP, but we've been living together for almost 20 years, I quite like the idea of an absence long enough that I'd get that giddy feeling that I'm going to see her again soon.

I'd get in all my favourite ready meals and watch Hells Kitchen USA every fucking night baby

She is being incredibly selfish.

I'm not surprised. He might just realise he would be happier on his own.

As others have said, it’s not a holiday. It’s a deeply personal, spiritual experience which is unlike anything else, and at nearly 70 he knows it’s now or never. It’s not like he’s going off to spend 6 weeks lying on a beach by himself.

Id be applauding him, not trying to stifle him

I love the “why bother getting married “ stuff. You aren’t joined at the hip when you marry. If she’s in a partnership, and knows of his love of hiking, she shouldn’t be holding him back but supporting him, just as he should with whatever she wants to do, and her dreams. Because this is clearly his dream.

I have no idea if OP is also retired but if she is - you spend an awful long time together when you’re retired. Plenty of time to be together afterwards and before

He's 69 so it's kind of now or never. This is such a famous distance walk, friends who have done it have loved it. Could you go over for a few days at the beginning and the end?

It would be really selfish to prevent him from doing this.

I feel sorry for you OP. My 1st instinct was that I wouldn’t like it to be honest but reading the other comments I think I may need to look at why it would bother me. I would just tell him that you’re sorry you objected, it’s just that you will miss him but you see it wasn’t fair. At this point you’ll both feel crap if he doesn’t go.

I do doubt some are reading between the lines though, I doubt he puts as much effort into doing the things with you that you like or planning lovely activities that you can access. Maybe I’m wrong but things like this sometimes upset us and we can’t put our finger on why and you’ll likely do that over time.

I have one question , how did yous meet

I would be upset too because my husband and I spend a lot of our time together but if he wanted to do the Camino I would let him, it's a spiritual journey for a lot of people.

Why is it taking the piss? It doesn’t sound as if he’s leaving the OP to pick up his share of childcare or other responsibilities. The Camino isn’t a piss up, nor is it something that could be done in a weekend if the OP’s DH got his finger out. It’s not like he’s just disappearing for 6 weeks for the hell if it, it’s a tangible thing that he’d like to experience/achieve. How is that a piss-take? The OP doesn’t participate in that hobby which is entirely reasonable, but why should her DH miss out on an achievement which is known to be a pinnacle of that type of hobby because she doesn’t do it?

Let him go ! It’s his dream ! And you dont have the same responsibilities now.

It doesn't count as walking the Camino if you do it in stages - anyone can do that; the challenge is that you do it all in one go!

Sounds terribly selfish. You're not an invalid or looking after small children so why can't he live his dreams now while his health is still good enough. He won't be able to do that for many more years.
If you had a dream trip you wanted to go on before you die you'd be really pissed if he said no. Also you sound clingy and immature. I think a bit of space to remember who you are and what you like doing on your own will be good for you both. Have your own adventure then fly out to meet him and share the stories.