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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hubby wants to do a 6 week holiday alone

683 replies

Piratecatcher · 16/09/2025 19:59

Hi My hubby age 69 wants to go hiking solo for 6 weeks ..doing the Camino.. I am very upset about it as I feel its too long to be apart and also hurt that he is ok with that.. We have a good relationship usually and adult children. I have happily accepted him doing solo two week hikes in the past but 6 weeks feels too long and I am not a long distance hiker so I can’t join him. We are arguing about it.. Am I being selfish? He thinks I am.

OP posts:
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MaurineWayBack · 17/09/2025 10:01

Even if you’ve ‘only’ been together 7 years, your relationship should withstand 6 weeks apart. And to do wo being heartbroken because you won’t see each other for 1.5 month.

The Camino is a pilgrimage. And your dh is 69yo.
Telling him he should be doing it in stages or not at all is even more crap imo.
Let him enjoy himself.

MaurineWayBack · 17/09/2025 10:05

Ah, I understand you. My husband is 66 and we've been together 7 years and married for three. I'd be really upset if he wanted to go away for 6 weeks without me. I'm still in the loved up phase of my marriage and would be quite hurt too.

Yay of course…
Because being ‘all loved up’ means nothing, but absolutely nothing can exist in your life but your partner. Or take precedence for a few weeks.

That doesn’t sound like healthy to me but 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

saraclara · 17/09/2025 10:12

I can't reiterate more, the comment I made further up.

My late husband's encouragement and pride in my solo backpacking trips made me love him even more.

We had so many bewildered or concerned comments from people about him 'letting me do it' that we ended up laughing at how people seemed to not be able to get their heads round it.
But given that clearly a lot of people wouldn't have 'let' their spouse do it, it made me appreciate him even more, and made our marriage even stronger.

Please wholeheartedly support and encourage your DH that way @Piratecatcher . I honestly believe that your relationship will be the better for it.

RisingSunn · 17/09/2025 10:14

Shortdaysalready · 16/09/2025 21:18

Well my view of marriages are they partnerships.
Why bother getting married if your desire to go off for six week holidays is more important to you than your wife and what she is comfortable with? Just stay single and then you can prioritise your own wants.
It's not as if OP has objected to his solo holidays. It's the length of this one. I think he is being totally self centred.

Show quote history

The man is 69 - surely as a supportive partner you would realise it's unlikely he will have this opportunity again!
OP hasn't provided any substantial reason why he shouldn't go - such as her/his health reasons, injuries, unaffordability - nothing!

Preventing your partner from achieving their goals (for no reason apart from missing them) is the complete opposite of partnership - and sounds completely suffocating.

saraclara · 17/09/2025 10:16

Preventing your partner from achieving their goals (for no reason apart from missing them) is the complete opposite of partnership

Perfectly put.

amicisimma · 17/09/2025 10:18

What do you need him for for those 6 weeks? Is he your carer, in which case can you arrange for someone else to cover while he has a break?

Presumably a grown woman is capable of entertaining herself without her husband for 6 short weeks. If not, this might be a valuable opportunity to fix that.

zingally · 17/09/2025 10:18

I don't really see the issue. It's not like you've got young children at home that need support. And at 69, he's definitely running out of time of being fit/strong enough for such adventures.
The camino is a beautiful walk, whether you are a catholic or not. I was in Santiago De Compostela about 3-4 years ago, where the camino ends, and watching the pilgrims arrive at the cathedral was a really moving, beautiful experience.
There's nothing to stop you travelling yourself somewhere at the same time. Or going to meet him at the end. It's a beautiful part of Spain - well worth seeing.

Paganpentacle · 17/09/2025 10:47

Right.... because you cant/wont go with him.... he's not allowed to?
Selfish much,.

PrissyGalore · 17/09/2025 10:58

Id be upset at first but on reflection, I’m sure I’d think Why Not? It’s obviously a dream of his-what would you be doing otherwise? Sitting in front of the TV together? He’ll have so much to talk about when he comes back. You could always have a little break to some of the areas along the way and meet him. Is there anything you fancy doing? A yoga retreat? A cruise? And when he’s finished, you’ll be so delighted to see each other, it will be like courtship all over again! I’ve been married 8 years-and would love my husband to realise his ambitions on the cusp of retirement. You’re a long time dead.

PrissyGalore · 17/09/2025 11:00

I’m in my early sixties and find it quite inspiring that at 69, something like this is doable, tbh!

lizzyBennet08 · 17/09/2025 11:12

Honestly I think you are being very selfish. It's a fav experience and he's is well enough and financial able to do and you don't want him to do it because you will miss him.

Id be telling you where to go if I were him.

Cherrytree86 · 17/09/2025 11:29

lizzyBennet08 · 17/09/2025 11:12

Honestly I think you are being very selfish. It's a fav experience and he's is well enough and financial able to do and you don't want him to do it because you will miss him.

Id be telling you where to go if I were him.

I know, right! OP, you could find yourself alone for a lot longer than six weeks if you don’t get your head in gear around this…

KateMiskin · 17/09/2025 11:38

PrissyGalore · 17/09/2025 11:00

I’m in my early sixties and find it quite inspiring that at 69, something like this is doable, tbh!

Me too.
I would love to do it but I don't think I am fit enough. A friend did it in her 50s, alone.

WestwardHo1 · 17/09/2025 11:42

Oh let hubby crack on. It's something he's always wanted to do. Why would you not want him to have an adventure? You could do something of your own as well.

There's a book called Still Waters Rising by the geographer Nick Crane. When he was newly married, he went off and walked over mountains from the far west of Spain to the Black Sea. It took him 15 months. Hopefully your hubby won't read that book.

Verv · 17/09/2025 11:43

Well, you cant do the Camino over a weekend and its a grail hike for many.
Yes, i think youre being selfish.

boxofbuttons · 17/09/2025 11:58

I think YABU. Six weeks is not that long in the grand scheme of things - people's marriages survive deployments where they can only talk occasionally and all sorts longer than that. And this is a once in a lifetime experience where he can video call you every night if necessary/you could fly out and spend a day or two with him midway through as a holiday. If DH tried to stop me doing something I really wanted to do just because it was six weeks away from each other I'd be very unhappy about it (and I'm as good as my word because DH went on a 5 week trip last year without me).

boxofbuttons · 17/09/2025 11:59

saraclara · 17/09/2025 10:12

I can't reiterate more, the comment I made further up.

My late husband's encouragement and pride in my solo backpacking trips made me love him even more.

We had so many bewildered or concerned comments from people about him 'letting me do it' that we ended up laughing at how people seemed to not be able to get their heads round it.
But given that clearly a lot of people wouldn't have 'let' their spouse do it, it made me appreciate him even more, and made our marriage even stronger.

Please wholeheartedly support and encourage your DH that way @Piratecatcher . I honestly believe that your relationship will be the better for it.

Edited

DH went on a once-in-a-lifetime trip last year for 5 weeks and it was BAFFLING the number of people who joked about me 'letting' him go. Really odd, both in how it reflects on people viewing relationships and also in how they apparently see their own sense of autonomy.

outdooryone · 17/09/2025 12:02

Why not do parts of it with him, or meet halfway?
I would dearly loved to do a trip or trips like that, and life is too short to not take on such trips.
YABU.

Tam285 · 17/09/2025 12:14

Fly into Santiago, get bus/taxi to Sarria, get Correos (Spanish postal service) to carry your bag from place to place for you and do the last 100km's with him OP.

Get the pilgrim passport, collect the stamps from place to place and have an amazing time. My 12 year old did this with us, so as long as you're not terribly disabled or there's not some other back story, why not do it too?

I went away travelling for 6 months in the first year of my marriage!

OchreSnail · 17/09/2025 12:20

Let him do it. Sure, you're married, but you are two individuals. You're not going to have the same wishes 100% of the time.

Doing the Camino will be an amazing experience for him. As other people have said, you could arrange to meet him somewhere midway for a minibreak, or you could use some of the time to get out off your comfort zone and explore something you really want to do. It can be scary, but you'll feel awesome.

londongirl12 · 17/09/2025 12:23

You’re at risk of pushing him away. You still haven’t answered why you don’t want him to go.

Member869894 · 17/09/2025 12:24

I did this last year
.why not compromise and suggest 3 weeks?

Member869894 · 17/09/2025 12:26

There are different routes
I did the portuguese camino in 3 weeks lasr year. It was easy walking and wonderful.experience

PlumpAndDeliciousFatcat · 17/09/2025 12:29

Member869894 · 17/09/2025 12:24

I did this last year
.why not compromise and suggest 3 weeks?

I really cannot see why the husband has to compromise here. There is no reason why he can’t go.

Twodogsonthecouch · 17/09/2025 12:32

so obviously I’m biased, this is my post from last year. I don’t think I was at all selfish. My husband was hugely supportive and I would say it brought us closer.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5032932-2-weeks-to-go-to-my-big-solo-adventure-and-starting-to-lose-my-nerve?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

Don’t just “allow” him to go.. encourage him to go if it’s something he really wants to do.

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