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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hubby wants to do a 6 week holiday alone

683 replies

Piratecatcher · 16/09/2025 19:59

Hi My hubby age 69 wants to go hiking solo for 6 weeks ..doing the Camino.. I am very upset about it as I feel its too long to be apart and also hurt that he is ok with that.. We have a good relationship usually and adult children. I have happily accepted him doing solo two week hikes in the past but 6 weeks feels too long and I am not a long distance hiker so I can’t join him. We are arguing about it.. Am I being selfish? He thinks I am.

OP posts:
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theresbeautyinwindysun · 17/09/2025 08:35

He’ll resent you for constraining him. If I was with someone for only 2 years and they were behaving like this I would be extremely put off.

Northernlights19 · 17/09/2025 08:37

Very upset? Because he wants to do a hike? My partner goes away for at least a month each year to see family in his home country. I wouldn't dream of even suggesting he didn't go. Obviously he invites me but tbh I use the time to spend with my own family and friends when I'm not working.

Vegansausages · 17/09/2025 08:39

Husband should go

You plan something you want to do yourself

drspouse · 17/09/2025 08:44

You can go with him though - Northern Spain is gorgeous, you can be the backup car and see the sights, he can stay in more luxurious places with you, even if it's for part of the time, you could set out each morning and do the first 100m, buy the pinxos for him to have with his evening wine!

Boomer55 · 17/09/2025 08:50

You haven’t got young children to care for, so it wouldn’t bother me in the least.

You'll have 6 weeks of just being able to please yourself what you do and when.

Sounds good to me.

TiredofLDN · 17/09/2025 08:52

I’d love to do the Camino. Even if you’re not doing it for reasons of faith, it’s supposed to be an amazing spiritual experience. I couldn’t / wouldn’t stop my OH doing something like that, if we had the resources/money for them to do it.

saraclara · 17/09/2025 08:55

drspouse · 17/09/2025 08:44

You can go with him though - Northern Spain is gorgeous, you can be the backup car and see the sights, he can stay in more luxurious places with you, even if it's for part of the time, you could set out each morning and do the first 100m, buy the pinxos for him to have with his evening wine!

This really isn't a good idea. The Camino isn't about staying in luxurious places and having someone tag in on bits of it

It's a pilgrimage route. It's about the ascetic experience of difficult walking and staying in basic accommodation. A non-hiker trying to tag along would cramp his style hugely.
He will be 'in the zone' and if OP wants to be involved, joining him sat the beginning and/or end of the trek should be the limit.

noidea69 · 17/09/2025 08:57

Will you miss him, or will you just bored not having him a around to keep you entertained?

Swiftie1878 · 17/09/2025 08:59

At his age, if he wants to do this he has to do it soon. Wouldn’t you rather he fulfils an ambition whilst he’s in the best possible health to do so?
Instead of thinking about the time apart, think about something exciting that you could do whilst he’s away - maybe a series of city breaks or similar?

PlumpAndDeliciousFatcat · 17/09/2025 08:59

I'm assuming that he doesn't have caring responsibilities which would fall on you while he is away, and that he is retired and therefore not using up all of his leave in one go so that you can't travel together at another point in the year. If this is the case on both points, YABU, I'm afraid. Of course you will miss him but walking the length of the Camino is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Is he planning to do the Francés?

5128gap · 17/09/2025 09:00

I think there would need to be a very strong reason to stand in the way of a 69 year old having a harmless experience for what may be the only time. If he's not breaking his vows or leaving you vulnerable, or causing you an unreasonable extra burden of responsibility, then I don't think your wish not to be separated for 6 weeks is reason enough to stand in his way.

renthead · 17/09/2025 09:01

This wouldn’t bother me at all.

VeryViolet · 17/09/2025 09:05

The thing about the Camino is that, if he wants to do it, there's not an obvious compromise. If he's going to do it, it will take six weeks. Some people who can't take that much time off work split it into sections and spread it over several years. But your husband isn't working, and wants the full experience.

NimbleDreamer · 17/09/2025 09:15

I think YABU.

If you had kids at home and he just fucked off for 6 weeks then that is different, but your DC are grown up now and out of the house.

I understand you would miss him but I would support him to do this.

Now if he wants to do this kind of thing all the time and not go away with you or spend any time with you then that is different and I could understand why you would be upset about it.

nadine90 · 17/09/2025 09:20

I don’t think getting married should mean you stop having dreams and many people have to wait until retirement to get to follow them thanks to annual leave etc. Don’t stop him, who knows how long he’ll have the good health to do it. Think about what dreams you might like to fulfill too xx

Mydogisagentleman · 17/09/2025 09:21

Mine went away for 55 days in March.
Me and the dog got on with our own lives

ladykale · 17/09/2025 09:25

He’s 69… gosh let the man live.

i think if you had young kids etc it would be a very different story.

it’s slightly worrying that he wants to be away from you for 6 weeks, but I assume that you’ve been married a very long time & it sounds like he is wanting to set a new challenge for himself

I would let him go but plan to “meet up half way for a week break maybe to be part of the hol.

ladykale · 17/09/2025 09:26

VeryViolet · 17/09/2025 09:05

The thing about the Camino is that, if he wants to do it, there's not an obvious compromise. If he's going to do it, it will take six weeks. Some people who can't take that much time off work split it into sections and spread it over several years. But your husband isn't working, and wants the full experience.

I didn’t appreciate Camino had to be 6 weeks

yes - you are being unreasonable here imo,

find some hobbies while he’s away or go on a trip you’ve always wanted to go on

LavenderBlue19 · 17/09/2025 09:27

I wouldn't mind this at all myself, assuming you can afford it and he wouldn't mind you doing the same. I also assume he's retired and this isn't using up all his annual leave?

My dad went to Australia for six weeks in his 70s, and had an amazing time. My mum didn't want to go and didn't seem to mind at all, she's quite self-sufficient. My dad used to travel for work so she's used to being on her own, and although six weeks is a long time you'd get used to it quickly.

If I'm lucky enough to have the money and good health when I'm retired, I really fancy interrailing. My partner is not keen (hence why we didn't go pre-kids) but wouldn't stop me. I very much hope I get to do it!

RisingSunn · 17/09/2025 09:30

OP I think you are being unreasonable.
Yes - you will miss him, but it is 6 weeks not 6 months and there are no young children in the home.

Spouses are not supposed to hold each other back from their dreams/goals but push them towards them.

LetsTryAgainNowThen · 17/09/2025 09:38

Sounds great to me.

If you'll miss him too much I'd say agree for him to take a break from the hike for a long weekend or so, once or twice, during the route and you fly out to meet him and do some holiday stuff you'd enjoy. Or you find something to do yourself / with a friend during those six weeks that you'd like to do and he wouldn't.

DH and I often travel apart; I think it's sad that your DH might miss out on this great chance whilst he's still fit because you are needy.

phoenixrosehere · 17/09/2025 09:47

YABU

There’s no children in the home and you can manage when he goes on two week hikes.

Can you really not copy yourself for six weeks?

Ah, I understand you. My husband is 66 and we've been together 7 years and married for three. I'd be really upset if he wanted to go away for 6 weeks without me. I'm still in the loved up phase of my marriage and would be quite hurt too.

You can be still in the loved up stage AND want to go on a six week hike alone. Should he really put it off given his age because OP doesn’t like it? Also, unless I’m mistaken OP isn’t going because she isn’t a long distance hiker and doesn’t read like hiking interests her in the first place so I doubt he is doing this hike to get away from her.

Franpie · 17/09/2025 09:50

I’m not sure what there is to argue about? He is a grown man with no caring responsibilities, he can and should go if he wants to.

I have dreams of doing the Appalachian Trail one day when my kids have left school. There’s no way I’d accept my DH saying no, not that he would.

ladyofshertonabbas · 17/09/2025 09:51

I wouldn't see it as a 'normal' hike, and if you're at the age when you can do these things, you should- otherwise is the plan for him to never ever do this in his life?

I actually did the camino but stopped short of the end due to a work commitment, something I will regret for my entire life. Doing a chunk of it isn't a great option.

TeamBuffalo · 17/09/2025 09:53

If you don't want to go with him that's fine, but please don't be that pathetic individual, the little woman who can't cope on her own for a few weeks.