Hubby wants to do a 6 week holiday alone

[Piratecatcher]

Hi My hubby age 69 wants to go hiking solo for 6 weeks ..doing the Camino.. I am very upset about it as I feel its too long to be apart and also hurt that he is ok with that.. We have a good relationship usually and adult children. I have happily accepted him doing solo two week hikes in the past but 6 weeks feels too long and I am not a long distance hiker so I can’t join him. We are arguing about it.. Am I being selfish? He thinks I am.

This. Take yourself off and meet him on the way during it. The Camino is a bucket list thing for some and it takes time. He will have a great sense of achievement. You do something for you next. My husband plans to do this and I would wave him off.

My dad died at 59 and I always felt sad for him that he didn’t get to enjoy retirement after working so hard and raising the family for all those years. Let your DH go while he is fit and well, Plan some wonderful stuff to do yourself while he is away,

I follow a couple who youtube about their retirement and the travel they do. But sadly the husband has just died very suddenly at 70. You just never know how long you have and it should be made the most of. What are you doing with your retirement?

Let him go, marriage is not about living in each others shadow!

My dad went trekking in the Himalayas in his 60s. It was for about a month. Don’t think my mum was the slightest bit bothered.

Gosh I would be planning my own 6 week adventure. I can understand you might miss him but tbh I think it shows confidence in the relationship and life is short. I will want to travel more than my dp when I retire

I understand you’ll miss him but life is short and the Camino is a special trip and a bucket list one for many people. 6 weeks isn’t too long in the grand scheme of things and I’m sure it is a good thing for your relationship to support each others dreams. My husband went to perform at the Edinburgh fringe for a month and it was hard but I knew it was important to him and that ultimately it was good for our relationship to support each others dreams, especially before we had kids and other responsibilities which would have made it too challenging. Retirement is the perfect time to do an extended trip like that. Perhaps you could go over to meet him after and have a few days together to relax and catch up. Or meet him at the end and do a couple of days hiking together.

If you were left “holding the baby” or this would have an impact on your joint finances or use up all of his holiday allowance meaning you couldn’t do anything together at a later date I would understand but given your age and the fact you’ve said your children are adults I assume you’re both retired meaning holiday allowance isn’t an issue and that your financial situation is comfortable. It’s not as if you’re going to be worrying about how to pay the bills because he’s taken so long off work.

I see no issue with him wanting to do this.

I’d seriously consider ending the relationship if someone didn’t let me do this at aged 69, with no DC at home.

Sounds like you have a healthy relationship. I actually think him wanting to do this is strong evidence of this. He wants to do something that is a life achievement. Could you not fly out a couple times? Walk some bits with him? If he wants to do it by himself send him of with your best wishes and support his personal goal I'd say. Sounds like it has no financial or logistical impact on you.

Sounds fine to me. I wouldn’t let my husband do this as we have two small kids. But as your age I don’t see the issue. I would probably join him for some of it. You sound quite needy. He has one life to live. Why can’t you let him go?

He is 69! He may not have the ability to do this type of hike for much longer.

he is an individual, not an extension of you. Of course he should be able to go.

How will he be managing the trip? I gather people normally stay in hotels so just meet up with him in one of more of the hotels and do your own thing in between.

I am not a long distance hiker so I can’t join him.

you could go with him and do the last 2 weeks with him or the last week and the middle week - then go off sight seeing France and Portugal are nearby how about a week walking - a week on the algarve and the last week walking with him?

You say you’re not a hiker but is there any reason you couldn’t do some of it with him? If not, this might be a good opportunity to get fit!

He’s obviously in good shape Sk why wouldn’t you want to be able to keep up with him as you age?

Definitely selfish to ask him not to fulfil his ambition.

If she doesn’t go, I will!

I saw your title and was prepared to say absolutely not but actually given you’re ages, lack of responsibility for children and the specific nature of the Camino you’re being unreasonable.

how would you feel if your DH refused to “let” you do something you really wanted to because he didn’t want you to be away for 6 weeks? Not just at this point in your life but ever? That feels pretty unreasonable.

Yeah, this. I really hope he goes.

you should be so delighted that he wants to achieve this! It is so important as we get older that we embrace challenges and do them while we can. Think how happy he will be when he achieves it. I agree go out and meet him and celebrate with him.

Let him go - if it's something he longs to do, he needs to do it now. At 69, you never know what's round the corner for your health. Reframe your thoughts "it's only 6 weeks". Spend it doing the things you like to do. If you can't think of things, have a reset. Find some hobbies/groups/activities of your own. This will see you well in the future.
Send him off with a smile and well wishes. He'll live you for it.
I've took early retirement and I'm doing all sorts if activities, without DP, and benefiting hugely from doing so.

Just reading the title of the thread I thought "hell, no" straight away. Reading that is about doing El Camino and not going to Thailand I think why no? if he likes it.

Of course he should go. He’s not getting any younger. Surely you’ll be fine for 6 weeks. I’d be encouraging my dh to follow his dreams. Especially at his age any no work/ childcare commitments.

Ah, I understand you. My husband is 66 and we've been together 7 years and married for three. I'd be really upset if he wanted to go away for 6 weeks without me. I'm still in the loved up phase of my marriage and would be quite hurt too. I was widowed 13 years ago and I don't want to be on my own again. Funnily enough with my first husband who I was married to for 25 years I wouldn't have minded him going away. I would have coped no bother. So I get it.

Yes, I think you can are being selfish. Nowadays you can be in touch daily via WhatsApp, phone or email, it's not like you'll be sitting around waiting for letters.

Maybe he feels like this is a great chance to do such an epic walk while he's still fit and healthy? We never know what's around the corner in life.

Perhaps you could fly out and meet him for a few days at one point on the hike? Thar way you get a holiday out of it too.

As a 1 off, for a specific purpose that is not a family style holiday then why not? It is a long time to be apart and I would absolutely hate it myself and I’d miss my DH dreadful but why not? There is no opportunity cost to the time in terms of time off from work so I think you need to just suck it up and let him have the experience.