Hubby wants to do a 6 week holiday alone

[Piratecatcher]

Hi My hubby age 69 wants to go hiking solo for 6 weeks ..doing the Camino.. I am very upset about it as I feel its too long to be apart and also hurt that he is ok with that.. We have a good relationship usually and adult children. I have happily accepted him doing solo two week hikes in the past but 6 weeks feels too long and I am not a long distance hiker so I can’t join him. We are arguing about it.. Am I being selfish? He thinks I am.

@LillyPJ Neither am I but given that this is a six-week pilgrimage through a mountainous region, it’s probably a good idea!

I’d also like to walk the Camino at some point and I would agree to be tracked.

Sorry but I think YABU and selfish, if you can afford it. Your children are adults. If they were still school age I'd agree with you, but now is the time to stretch your wings and have adventures, together and apart before any frailty of old age sets in.

Marriage doesn't mean joined at the hip all the time. And it certainly doesn't mean stifling your partner's dreams.

Camino is a long time and it's also expensive so discuss the costs, including equipment, accommodation etc and ensure that he is okay with you spending a similar amount on something you'd love to do.

Think of some bucket list items of your own and plan to fulfill them while he's away. Maybe meet up in Santiago in Spain to celebrate his arrival and exchange news of what adventures you've both had. Imo, that's a strong marriage.

Is it? Many marriages withstand years of one partner working abroad or on tour in the services or as actors and musicians.

I think it's a tiny space of time within a long marriage, for a chance to fulfil a dream, and I'd actively encourage DH if he wanted an adventure like this.

Why is it taking the piss to spend a few weeks doing something you've always wanted to do, if your children are grown and you have the time and money?

I think it's taking the piss to prevent your partner from pursuing their dreams just because you don't want to have to keep your own company for a few weeks. It's a bit like saying, 'Don't have adventures. I might get bored. Stay home and keep me company.'

There's a lifetime to do that.

Let him go. You only get one chance at life.

Let him go every one needs space and time away enjoy yourself while he is gone go on holiday go to a spa

Why not compromise and go for a week in the middle where there's a rest stop somewhere interesitng and do a little bit of the hike with him for a day or two? Does it have to be all or nothing?
For what it's worth, I'd be happy for my husband to go off and pursue his interests while he's still active and healthy enough.

He's 69 and retired... its not like you have a FT job and 3 kids under 5.

What's stopping you going out and meeting him for parts of it as weekend breaks?
Or doing some legs with him?

This is a bucket list item and it would be awful to try and prevent him doing it.

Unless you rely on him for care or physical help in a way that no one else can cover, I don’t get the issue.

YABVU

Let him have a travelling life experience.

My DH went away on a trip for nearly 5 weeks in much earlier stages of our relationship than 7 years. i’m so glad he went.

You’re being an advert for staying single right now.

I think you should find a way to make it work. You could go for part of it? You could consider going for all of it and not doing the hiking if it’s not your thing. I think if he wants to go for the experience etc and it’s not a case of him wanting time away from you per se, you should find a way to make it work.

My mum resents trips my dad does and it’s horrible. I don’t see why you can’t do things like this when you’re married.. especially if you’re retired and there’s not much going on! What would you / him be doing normally in those 6 weeks?? Id also be considering what’s the best use of the time!

If he is physically able to do it then I don’t think it’s reasonable to make him feel guilty/ask him not to go.
It’s 6 weeks out of entire year, you don’t have young children etc and the time will fly by.
Make a plan of some trips that you want to do, day trips, catch up with friends, theatre trips etc and the time will fly by.
If I had been with a partner for 7 years, and had already done my child rearing, work and all that chaos that brings and they tried to stop me doing a trip of that length that would give me so much joy, it would make me rethink the relationship I’m afraid.

you sound hard work. Jesus!

For many it's a religious experience. He is 69, only X number of years left. Why can't you meet him part way or at the end? YABU. He isn't going to visit the fleshpots of Thailand.

That’s something I plan to do when I’m retired. DH doesn’t have a problem with it. Equally I don’t have a problem with his plans to ski more.

Marriage doesn’t mean being joined at the hip.

Can he get insurance for this, given his age? That would be my concern.

why don't you join him after 2 weeks?

I’d love to have the house to myself for 6 weeks! What bliss. Wave him off.

I would have no problem with this. It would be different if you were at an earlier stage of life and he was leaving you with small children.

I have been married much longer than you and believe that time spent apart is quite valuable, both as individuals and as a couple, because you get a new perspective on many aspects of life and a chance to re-evaluate

Yes you are. I imagine at 69 you two have probably been together for at least 30 years? Can the man not have six weeks alone after this long. It's only six weeks not months!

“Letting” him? Gosh - he’s 69! Maybe he thinks time is runningbout (fitness, mobility) to get his bucket list done. Breathtakingly narrow and self-focussed of you. Surely you can do your own project during that time that he isn’t interested in? Sounds a bit claustrophobic to me.

I think it’s fine , it’s not every year and the Camino is a bucket list adventure for a lot of people . I’m sure you’ll survive .

I suspect the OP has received the message now!!

OP explained that they have only been together 7 years.
I think he should still go, but maybe helps to explain her reluctance a little bit.

For future reference if you want to read all of OPs posts you can use the top right funnel.

Yes, he can. I have friends who are older than that - two over 80- who do far more adventurous hiking (and other things) than the Camino and they get insurance. But it does cost a lot more the older you get, so doing it as soon as possible is a sensible idea.