Old-ish man on the route to the Co-op who keeps saying hello

[RogueFemale]

I moved house last week and already have noticed this man. He lives on the short (7m) walking route to the local Co-Op. He's maybe mid 60s, tall, heavy build. He is always standing outside his front door, and he loudly says hello every time I go past. I ignore him.

I'm 60 and am used to being invisible.

So it's not a leering hello. I also thought maybe it was accidental he was standing outside before, or something, and just a cheery 'local' hello.

But I went past twice today (to Co-Op) and he was there both times, hello-ing, and I'm finding it quite weird, that he's always standing outside his front door.

I'm going to be going to the local Co-Op a lot, so what do I do?

AIBU to continue to ignore him and just doggedly go past for years pretending he's not there?

Good points.

That’s one hell of a leap OP - a man saying “hello” is both unfriendly and abnormal which, if you respond, could lead you to being abducted, raped and murdered.

It's a low blow, bring up Sarah Everard.

Your situation has nothing in common with Sarah being abducted, raped and murdered by a policeman.

Quite the leap.

I agree.
A local neighbour saying hello vs a psychotic beast.
Take a different route to the shop.

Your new neighbour says "hello". It's what neighbours do, it's not abnormal. Ignore him or don't ignore him, its entirely up to you. You don't need permission from strangers on the internet.

You are not Sarah Everard.
Your situation is nothing like her fear as she realised she was being abducted. Her pain as she was being tortured. Or her murder.

With each post you are sounding more and more Unreasonable @RogueFemale. Your neighbour says "hello". Get over it.

Or call 101 and log it.

For goodness sake you sound delightful not. Please smile and say hello back or say something like it’s another nice day again or something pleasant.

The poor fellow is obviously lonely and is just being friendly, enjoying the outdoors or escaping from indoors. He could be widowed, have a very ill wife, be ill himself what would it really cost you to be friendly and civil back to him.

Have you moved up north from down south or something.

I’m getting a real Baby Reindeer vibe from you OP.

Have you gone to therapy at all to talk about the abuse you’ve been through?

You seem to be projecting past experiences onto your new neighbour who you say
might have dementia?

Sent from my iPhone

To be honest, you used far worse language about the man than anyone has used about you.

Equating dementia to being ‘mentally ill’ is just sickening and grossly offensive. You’ve gotten away with that, as most posters didn’t notice. But the eagle eyed amongst us did.

Firstly, it sounds like the man has some type of a syndrome, possibly is severely autistic if that is all he does day in day out. It doesn't make him automatically harmless though, and secondly you should not be guilted into answering him.

Can you vary your route sometimes? Like take a long way around to and/or from the co-op so you don't have to pass his house? That might give you some respite from it.

Lastly is there anyone in the neighourhood you can ask about him to? He may be well known for doing this, there may be a reason, etc.

Ask at the co-op nicely. They would know the area.

Here we go again. People with a different viewpoint are not trolling and you have no right to accuse them of doing so.

I spent my teenage years in east London. Never heard that. Besides you don't have to stop to say hello surely?

Think you are over thinking OP, probably just being friendly to everyone who walks past and likes saying hello. Maybe ask around a bit find out if anyone else knows him.
Seems rather rude to just ignore him, it’s only hello after all.

Op I've not read all the responses but fucking hell there's a lot of mean ones! Sorry you are having to read all these comments. And no, absolutely I wouldn't expect my daughter to engage with any man she didn't want to, nor should you. Ignor the horrible comments you feel how you feel, no one can tell you you are wrong

I live in Central London and have for 50 years and walk everywhere. It seems you may have led a sheltered life. If someone says "good morning" or any other greeting it is usual to acknowledge it. No need to stop or even give eye contact if you prefer not to.

Most women (and men) are fine responding to someone standing outside their door (on the other side of the road) saying hello. They do not find it threatening.
If it's clear that person has some SEND then most of us are able to show some compassion and e.g. if the repeated, enthusiastic hellos are a bit annoying, we are still able to respond.

You have not said that this man is approaching you in the street, that would indeed be an entirely different situation.

Most people have said you can just walk past, you are not OBLIGED to interact with him, but based on what you've said most people think YABU to not just give the guy a quick hello.

You've said he might have dementia, mental health issues and is abnormal.
You also said it's "just a cheery 'local' hello."

It's been over a week since you posted your OP. Is he still saying hello every time you go to the Coop? Have you tried to find any more about him - if he's genuinely there ALL the time he must be known to locals.

Yes of course. I'm doing outreach work (at bus stops, in shops, at the park, on the street) civilising natives down south when I visit relatives. Seems to be working too, most seem pleased to chat.

If a man makes a woman feel uncomfortable, she is under no obligation to interact with him.

If he lives on his own & feels lonely then standing at his front door is maybe his way of socialising. Why ignore him. Just smile & say hello back. It doesn't do any harm to be nice. He probably says hello to everyone passing in the hope they might stop & have a little chat with him. I don't think he's weird at all & think you're more weird for ignoring him tbh.

Returning a greeting only barely meets the definition of “interacting”.
He’s on the opposite side of the road.

He makes @RogueFemale uncomfortable, so she is under no obligation to return his greeting or interact in any way, @KilkennyCats.

I don’t understand why people are so keen to say that a woman who is getting a bad vibe from a man should ignore her feelings. Isn’t it better for a woman to be a bit over-cautious than to risk putting herself into an unpleasant or even risky situation?

I think the reason is that her first post explains the she is unsettled by his odd (but not leery) behaviour.

The behaviour in itself is not unusual to many of us, who live in rural communities where this sort of behaviour is part of the community feeling.

I haven’t read the later posts so the thread may have moved on but certainly early on that is what I saw happening.

She can absolutely ignore him, her choice, but to berate a way of life and community as weird when it’s anything but, feels very sad