Old-ish man on the route to the Co-op who keeps saying hello

[RogueFemale]

I moved house last week and already have noticed this man. He lives on the short (7m) walking route to the local Co-Op. He's maybe mid 60s, tall, heavy build. He is always standing outside his front door, and he loudly says hello every time I go past. I ignore him.

I'm 60 and am used to being invisible.

So it's not a leering hello. I also thought maybe it was accidental he was standing outside before, or something, and just a cheery 'local' hello.

But I went past twice today (to Co-Op) and he was there both times, hello-ing, and I'm finding it quite weird, that he's always standing outside his front door.

I'm going to be going to the local Co-Op a lot, so what do I do?

AIBU to continue to ignore him and just doggedly go past for years pretending he's not there?

Agree, whats wrong with humans they can't day hello back.

You can stand outside your home if you want too anyway.
Some people just look for a problem when there isn't one there.

@Netcurtainnelly - why do you think someone must respond to a person who is making them feel very uncomfortable - especially when that person is a rape victim? Don't her feelings matter too? Or do you think the man’s feelings are the only ones that matter?

There's nothing uncomfortable about a human saying hello to another.
If you can't cope, maybe you shouldn't go out.
People are not going to stop saying hello to others ever.

OP thinks the man might be mentally unwell.
Thus him standing outside his own home calling hello to passers by (I presume he is not singling out OP) isn't threatening behaviour.
I did suggest OP ask her new neighbours if they know anything about him, or call adult social care if she is concerned, but she hasn't responded to that message (I acknowledge that the thread is very busy).

It's OK for OP to feel uncomfortable, but what should she do? She can walk past and ignore him. If his behaviour becomes more intrusive than she will need to take action, but as it stands he's just calling out hello. It's not his fault he is physically large.

Act like a human and say hello back!

I think this is one of those classic threads where someone posts not because they want advice, but because tyey think they are right and want affirmation. (So attacks anyone who doesn't 100% agree).

FWIW, I have a middle-aged guy near me who stands by his gate a lot and says hello. I think he's probably autistic because he is a bit awkward. I always wave and say hello back. He hasn't jumped on me yet. I even stop and chat sometimes.

Because her instincts are shaped by trauma/misogyny, her story keeps changing, and she asked people whether she was being unreasonable.

Do you live in Bedfordshire by chance?

We have a Hello man, says hello to everyone. Walks around saying hello. Although, I think he's probably closer to 80 now, has been the Hello man for a couple of decades at least.

Means no harm

Your a bit of a meanie

It appears to me you have two options.

1. Start saying "hello" back.

2. Continue not saying "hello" back.

The man may indeed be autistic, have dementia, be lonely or be a creep, as suggested on this thread. Or none of the above.

The fact is that nothing of what he's done is outside the bounds of normal or acceptable behaviour.

Are You Being Unreasonable to ignore him? No, you have your reasons. But he is being perfectly reasonable to greet people with "hello".

🤣🤣🤣🤣 He’s saying “hello”! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 You’re ruining it for us normal feminists - get down off your pedestal!

You could stop being awful to your neighbours and just politely smile and wave and carry on walking.

Christ, we have "Bonio Don", who has a box of Bonio and gives them to local dogs. He'll even give one to our dog over our gate. Imagine how that we go down! 🤣

Any chance you can get a scooter on eBay and scoot past him? You don't have to physically need a pavement scooter, but it might be worth considering. I think people have them now to save carrying the bags home, so you wouldn't look out of place. If anyone asks, you can always say you twisted you ankle or have a gammy leg and borrowed it!

Perhaps walking on the other side of the street?

Have you moved from a city to a smaller town, this is the norm for small towns. I say hello most people I come across (apart from on school run cos that's a lot of people). I grew up in a large town where this didn't happen but I soon grew used to the friendly small town greetings and being stopped in street for a chat (and I'm an introvert)

Guessing you’re a southerner 🤣

So weird. You, not him.

And so what if he’s mentally ill. Does that make him less deserving of a hello?
Every morning on my way to work, I say hello to a homeless man. I’d like to think it cheers us both up a wee bit, and he always looks so happy at our little exchange.
Don’t be a misery, OP. Say hello!

Oi Oi! I’m a southerner and say Hello to a multitude of people daily 😊 and nearly always get a response! We’re pretty friendly down here (most of the time!!) 🤗

Don’t think OP @RogueFemale is coming back (unless she’s still on the really long way round back from co-op)

Hiii! Apologies but I can only assume that people who think it’s ’weird’ a stranger says hello must be southern 🤣 returning to my family home city of Salford I get stopped in pubs by people I have never met in my life asking if I’m related to so and so, and usually yes I am 🤣 my other half from Brighton, prob as far south as you can get, does not understand how he now has ‘friends for life’ in people he’s just passed the time of day with and how people are so friendly, he’s just received a birthday party invitation by someone he was chatting to for a few hours down the hope ( local pub), my response was welcome to the north! X

Who would ask? She’s only lived there a week!

If that is the case, then many people might make a friendly gesture and ask as a way of introducing themselves.

She doesn't have to buy one. She can rent one for as long as it takes to send the message that she doesn't want to stop and speak to him.

@Lurkingforalaugh - spent a long weekend in Salford last year, loved it! Did the Corrie tour, saw a show at The Lowry, visited the war museum, rode the tram and went into “town”. I have to say everyone we spoke to was so welcoming and thrilled that we’d travelled up from the South to visit.

(side tracked the thread - sorry).

There again, he could turn out to be the catch of the year!

Where I used to live, there was a man who used to stare out of the window and when he saw people taking their kids to nursery (down the road) he’d come out and stare. Sometimes he’d say hello. He did nothing else but I found it really disturbing. I’m not really sure why, but I did and I didn’t say hello back. I might be weird and mean but I trusted my instincts. Sounds like OP is doing the same, not sure what the problem is with that tbh.

Get a fucking grip. Just say hello back like a normal person. You don't have to stop and put the world to rights, it doesnt mean he wants to get in your pants and if he is mentally disabled saying hello will not result in you having to become his personal carer - you don't have to say anything except hello and keep walking. Honestly what is so wrong with someone saying hello to you 🤦‍♀️