Old-ish man on the route to the Co-op who keeps saying hello

[RogueFemale]

I moved house last week and already have noticed this man. He lives on the short (7m) walking route to the local Co-Op. He's maybe mid 60s, tall, heavy build. He is always standing outside his front door, and he loudly says hello every time I go past. I ignore him.

I'm 60 and am used to being invisible.

So it's not a leering hello. I also thought maybe it was accidental he was standing outside before, or something, and just a cheery 'local' hello.

But I went past twice today (to Co-Op) and he was there both times, hello-ing, and I'm finding it quite weird, that he's always standing outside his front door.

I'm going to be going to the local Co-Op a lot, so what do I do?

AIBU to continue to ignore him and just doggedly go past for years pretending he's not there?

How exactly did you “trust your instincts” in this situation? It sounds a bit ominous
What did you do?

I know a few of us here are...

She ignored the man’s greeting, @KilkennyCats.

So in your 1st post you said he was shouting 'Hello' at you, yet now you say the 'Hello' is said faintly?
And you would have replied if it had been a woman who had said Hello.
It is absolutely up to you wether you reply or not, but from the responses to your posts it would seem that how you feel is in the minority. Not every man is out to abuse you or cause you harm.

Is it the way you put it? Why would a man be mentally ill if he speaks to you?

It could well be that he just likes you and is afraid of being spurned.

'There is many a good tune played on an old fiddle.'

"No woman owes a man their attention or politeness if they don't feel comfortable."

This. Another poster said "be kind". Well that hasn't got women very far to date has it. We are conditioned from birth to our detriment and I'd say to always trust your gut. And yes, one hello back could lead him to believe the OP is interested or might be able to help him in some way. Been there, done that.

Is he standing outside the house or in the door way? In some posts you say outside, then in some you say in the doorway.

I know people who do this to have a fag covertly (if they don't want to be seen smoking). Could he be having a fag and hiding it as you approach or waiting til you are gone?

Do you go to the shops at roughly the same time of day? (even if they are different times on different days are they in rough groupings (Eg) 11sies, lunch, mid afternoon snack time.) becuas it might be he goes out at particular times.

The biggest question though is why it is you are concernd about him and saying he behaves strangley. Is it just he is large and has been standing outside or in the doorway of his house? or is there other specific behaviour? or is it just vibe?

If you don't want to say hello to him, don't but if it's just based on the fact he's standing outside, it could be you are worrying about nothing and saying hello back is unlikely to cause an issue. It all depends on whether there is a basis to conclude he's mentally unwell and what form that takes becuase if his mental unwellness is a form of instablity then ignoring him repeatedly may be more provocative over time and counter productive than saying hello back. if its just a bit eccentric then it may not matter whether you say hello or not.

@llizzie - I think you have misread that statement from the OP. What I think she is saying is that she believes this man may have mental health issues, and for that reason, she does not want to interact with him - not that he is mentally ill because he has spoken to her.

And, as @ginasevern quoted, no woman owes any man attention or politeness. @RogueFemale does not have to interact with him if she doesn’t want to - even if he ‘likes’ her and is afraid of rejection.

Women do not have to avoid rejecting men. Too many men feel they are entitled to women’s attention, conversation, etc, and women do not have to give in to this entitlement.

I was trying to be lighthearted about it. If you read my other posts you would see that I haven't misread it.

Not all people who say hello have a health issue. The problem with the world today is that people of all ages cannot live now as they did in the past because of the way life is working out.

How do single people meet a partner? If a man approaches a woman he runs the risk of her crying ''sex' at him. It is clear from TV programmes and the news that trying to meet people is fraught with danger.

Not everyone who says 'hello' is a predator, but they are made to feel that now because society forbids it.

Wouldn't potentially pissing him off by ignoring him be as much or more of a risk though? We can't really win.

You sound horrible TBH, he’s best off without your input. Hope you never become lonely.

Her bigoted posts were removed by the site.

Agree with most posts here - just say a cheery' hello / good morning' & keep moving along, you don't need to stop & chat - I say 'Hello' or smile with lots of people that I don't actually know (although usually while dog walking, with other dog walkers, which is usually whole different thing...) - if you are uncomfortable just ignore & walk on, but he may just be a lonely old bloke trying to be friendly. If you feel the 'vibes' are not right just walk on by. What do your other neighbours think / do? - Does he greet everyone?
As long as he isn't being inappropriate then surely a little kindness (just acknowledging him) isn't a bad thing? x

That "hello" is the start of a long romantic story but it can't proceed until you engage.

He is maybe thinking "every time I go out for a bit of fresh air that woman is passing by. She never says 'hello'. Maybe she is mentally ill".

Do you see the problem here?

Then why doesn’t she just ignore him without the cheerleader hunting thread? He says hello; OP walks past - job done.

Seen a lot of bullying cunts though.

Bought a mirror?

If he's out there all day saying hello then he surely is saying hello to many people apart from you. He is probably, as has been suggested, someone with learning difficulties. Just say hello and move on.

Hello, Mr Darcy...????? (soz, cant resist)

Heathcliffe???

Yep, no reply needed, MH issues or just a friendly bloke, we have no idea, not a reason to feel obligated to say either say hello, or just walk on by? (I think I would say 'Hi; and trot on...)??

More like Shipman or Sutcliffe...

My elderly grandma does this, she can't leave the house without support and gets very lonely. She just wants an interaction even if it's just a hello and a wave.

How do you know he’s always standing outside his house all the time, Jesus he’s allowed to, god forbid a man to say hello to a person walking by, what do you think he’s going to do run at you, and just because he’s standing there you presume he has mental issues. I find you the strange one actually asking what should you do, you sound very much like you have anxiety op, you say you are sixty and invisible that’s an odd think to say, not everyone that says hello has mental issues that’s a very unkind thing to say he could be lonely

ooh , harsh! But also Hmmm - take care xxxx