Old-ish man on the route to the Co-op who keeps saying hello

[RogueFemale]

I moved house last week and already have noticed this man. He lives on the short (7m) walking route to the local Co-Op. He's maybe mid 60s, tall, heavy build. He is always standing outside his front door, and he loudly says hello every time I go past. I ignore him.

I'm 60 and am used to being invisible.

So it's not a leering hello. I also thought maybe it was accidental he was standing outside before, or something, and just a cheery 'local' hello.

But I went past twice today (to Co-Op) and he was there both times, hello-ing, and I'm finding it quite weird, that he's always standing outside his front door.

I'm going to be going to the local Co-Op a lot, so what do I do?

AIBU to continue to ignore him and just doggedly go past for years pretending he's not there?

in your OP you said he wasn’t creepy
Since this thread you’ve decided in your mind he is.
Can you see how your perception of his creepiness is a “you” problem?

I don’t think he wants a “fun time out” he just wants to say hello

And yes my DD knows the elderly male neighbours. Why wouldn’t she? I don’t teach her that men are the devil

You are rude. Explains why you're ignored/invisible

I wondered that.

I have a mental illness.

I’m not dangerous or violent and I certainly wouldn’t stalk someone. I say hi to people when I’m out on dog walks. Some people like to stop and have a chat, quite often it’s older people, maybe they don’t see many people to talk to.

What a judgemental thing to say.

But all of those are valid feelings? I don't think the skin colour in example is relative? If anyone said that about any man, those are valid fears to have in this day and age.

It’s ableist because OP doesn’t think a disabled person, or a man, is worthy of a hello. It’s sexist becasue she assumes he’s got the characteristics of a dangerous man

Aw I see I thought you were a reasonable person up to this point but now your just making things up. The OP is worried that this will lead to further interactions with the man. She hasn't said anything about him not being worthy. Some men that behave like that are dangerous. Several other comments have confirmed once they've said hello to a man it's led to them feeling uncomfortable because they've been mithered.

Are you a woman?

Yes

Why wouldn't she be?

Im sorry to say that I feel are coming cross as mentally ill . Poor man.

OMG, OP!

Your milk of human kindness really has dried up, hasn't it?

I can only assume that you have had a number of very bad experiences with men and this is at the root of your seemingly unreasonable anxiety and distrust. If that is the case, then I am really sorry that you have been through that and I hope that with some counselling, which you almost certainly need, you will heal and grow in confidence over time.

As for this guy, a polite nod is good manners and stand off-ish enough to prevent him from attempting further conversation until such a time as you feel brave enough to say, 'Hello.'

Regarding, your 'responsibility,' all of the other people on this thread have willingly accepted responsibility for reassuring and advising you. We are a digital community and we are here for one another.

This gentleman is part of the real life community around you. It would be lovely, once you feel brave enough, if you could confidently step intp that real life community and greet your neighbour with a civil word.

Wishing you all the best, OP.

@RogueFemale Whats the point of your post? No one knows this man other than possibly his neighbours, so why not ask them about him? If you don’t want to say hello, don’t. Why the need to create a post about someone you don’t know and no one on here knows, who technically hasn’t done anything wrong and may be strange but absolutely fine - or could be a murderer and up to no good? No one can advise you what to do. Ring the Police and report it if you’re so concerned.

Also, maybe get some therapy or extra help after the sexual abuse as your view of all men, suggests you need some help. There are lots of decent man out there.

That worry is based on her total u hinges attitude to men and nothing to do with this bloke or anything he’s done. The story has even completely changed since she posted her OP!

OP is entitled to her trauma, and how she feels about it. What she isn’t entitled to do is push that trauma onto others, be rude to them as a result and make assumptions that everyone in a certain category is a terrible person who wants to harm her

Do you accept OP that your attitude towards men isn’t normal, and a “you” problem?

I agree.

From what you have said, the man is saying an innocent hello.

I think it would be better in the long run for him if you ignored him while walking past his house numerous times a day. He's safer if you ignore him.

Might be my DH! Loony, but harmless.

The OP's got herself almost 4 hours of attention from strangers with this thread.

Yet she begrudges this man getting a 'hello' as she walks past 😳

@MyCrushWithEyeliner I have disabled friends, and friends with mental illness. I know they are not dangerous or violent etc.

This local man, I cannot assess as I don't know him. He is very physically large, and is behaving strangely. A normal man would know that he'd be making me uncomfortable with his observation,and the hello's, which I don't return/ and avoid, and I don't look at him or make eye contact and he still keeps doing it.

So. should I conclude that he is completely normal.

@RogueFemale
There was a lovely old man who used to say hello to me on my way back from work, standing at his front door, almost always at the same time I walked past. He used to give a cheery wave to anyone walking past, but when he saw me he said "hello, lady" so I used to smile and wave back, it was harmless. The poor old man looked as if he was so frail and lonely.

If he makes you feel unsafe, and he seems creepy then who are we to tell you otherwise! Personally I’d find a new local shop, and wouldn’t say hello if you happened to see him again.

As the MFM podcast always reminds us, f*ck politeness, trust your instincts, & stay sexy, don’t get murdered.

Just ignore him. The End

No I do not accept that.

You said earlier that you’d only been living there a week, op.
How many times have you felt the need to walk past his house in that time, if he makes you feel so uncomfortable?

I think you should conclude that you are not normal.

He now has observations! How so?

7 mile walk to Co-Op ?
sorry bedtime i think

7 minutes obviously !

Really?!

How come your story has changed so much even though presumably you haven’t seen him since starting this thread? Whats that about?

You don’t think you have a perception of men as a result of your trauma?

@RogueFemale sounds like there’s something about the way he is saying ‘hello’ that is making you feel uncomfortable? You don’t need to engage with him if you don’t want to. Women grow up thinking they have to be polite to men. Don’t ignore your intuition, ignore him. I’m not sure why others feel you owe him anything. You absolutely don’t.