Old-ish man on the route to the Co-op who keeps saying hello

[RogueFemale]

I moved house last week and already have noticed this man. He lives on the short (7m) walking route to the local Co-Op. He's maybe mid 60s, tall, heavy build. He is always standing outside his front door, and he loudly says hello every time I go past. I ignore him.

I'm 60 and am used to being invisible.

So it's not a leering hello. I also thought maybe it was accidental he was standing outside before, or something, and just a cheery 'local' hello.

But I went past twice today (to Co-Op) and he was there both times, hello-ing, and I'm finding it quite weird, that he's always standing outside his front door.

I'm going to be going to the local Co-Op a lot, so what do I do?

AIBU to continue to ignore him and just doggedly go past for years pretending he's not there?

I'm sorry to read this. It did cross my mind when I read that you felt threatened because you were not 'invisible;. and that you have to go to the same shop numerous times a day, that there may be more to this, but admit that as the thread went on, I found the replies humorous and doubted your sincerity.

The man saying hello isn't really the problem. Do you recognise that? Perhaps not when you have started a thread about it.

Its important you feel 'invisible' and moving to your new house in this new area will not give you anonymity that makes you feel more secure.

It may even alienate you more if people are friendlier which you view as intrusive and threatening as they will think you are odd which draws even more attention to yourself in a smaller place.

Do you have to live there? Have you had any counselling? Do you have a social worker who understands your history? Are you a member of any support groups?

Who called you a witch??

Because I think he might be mentally ill and don't want to get involved.
That he will get creepy and think I'm interested. These are not normal hello. This is a man standing outside his house all day saying hello.
How is that my responsibility?
I think the man is perhaps mentally ill, maybe dementia

I genuinely don't understand how any of that is ablist or discriminatory? ? I'm not being argumentative, I'm autistic and I genuinely cannot see what is ableist or discriminatory about any of that?

I wouldn't speak to a man who constantly said hello everyday, there's lots of men who act like this and if you give them any sort of attention then they latch onto you and don't leave you alone, they usually do have MH problems of some sort.

The not wanting to get involved speaks volumes, she doesn't know if he's safe or if he's going to mither her and she doesn't want to risk it. At 60 years old she will have enough life experience to trust her gut.

It wasn't about the children. It was about the feelings. To me, Racism and ableism arnt about feelings, it's about thoughts and motives and I feel like thoughts and feelings are different.

I'm with you OP,I've experienced the worst of men and unfortunately many times,I learnt the hard way not everyone is safe or trustworthy so I wouldn't be saying hello either and I have a lovely husband and 3 lovely sons and they'd all think the guy was acting strange as well.

No one male or female is entitled to anything from you even if it is only a hello and I agree with you standing outside all the time is strange!

OP I'd also be voting YABU and wondered why you were so rude, if this hadn't happened to me. The local "character" (I didn't know at the time...) started a similar game of "hello" to me and I made the mistake of saying hello back and stopped for five seconds for a chat of "lovely weather we're having" type thing. Never gave it a second thought. He became obsessed with the hellos and the chats to the point he was leaving his front garden every time I passed and almost followed me for a little while chatting. Thankfully he seemed harmless enough but it was very uncomfortable. I started gradually not stopping not slowing down just saying hello and kept on briskly walking past. This didn't do the trick so I started ignoring him, crossed the street to avoid him, it took some time but he eventually gave up and then I moved. Oof I got stressed thinking about it.

I'd say just a quick nod and a short hello while you briskly walk past is probably ok, just never stop for a chat 😬

That’s so rude. Just say hello or good morning back. Bloody hell 🙄

Oh for goodness sake, would it hurt you to say "Hello" back to the man? Honestly, what sort of a world do some of you inhabit where this is even an issue?

They didn't have to be explicit. @Mewling said it.

I’m worried about this black man
that if I look at him funny he’ll get violent
That he’ll follow me and rob me.
i Feel uncomfortable
I don’t know if he’s safe and I don’t want to get involved

See how it works?

It’s ableist because OP doesn’t think a disabled person, or a man, is worthy of a hello. It’s sexist becasue she assumes he’s got the characteristics of a dangerous man.

Christ on his everloving bike...
He's either mentally unwell or has a learning disability. You're right, standing outside saying hello to people all day is weird.

But as you've already said it isn't creepy, just weirdly omnipresent... You can say hello back, or you can not say hello back. Whatever, it's up to you.

But this isn't "a man's desires". For whatever reason, the dude isn't the same as the rest of us.

Say hello, don't say hello. But you're the one being super weird about this, not him. He's just fucking saying hello a lot. He can't help it.

I'm wary of men. I err on the side of caution. But an old man with issues? Even I'd say hello.

You're exhausting.

That’s not calling you a witch, it’s calling you a witch hunter. As in you have a witch hunt against this man.

I know of a man who sits in the front yard of his house often and says "Hello" to people walking past. No-one seems to find it odd.

If you have issues with men then get some therapy. Don’t take it out on some poor sod who’s trying to be friendly

🤔
There’s a lot more going on here than first appeared.
This isn’t helping you, op, you really need to stop engaging with this thread and think about getting some outside help for your issues. You sound deeply unhappy.

But you've already said that Mewling's reply was the one you found the most entertaining in the whole thread.

Do you have real life support OP? A GP you could talk to? A support group?

You said he was outside his front door, not on the street.

you sound proper weird, OP.

Also why you going to Co-Op so much?

@RogueFemale

It's very odd you don't just say hello back ...

That’s a reference to you condemning the man for his difference, Mewling is saying you’d be the person saying someone was a witch in Salem. You haven’t understood at ALL

That's a bit of a jump and assumption! We have a man who stands at the end of our street and waves/says hi to everyone passing - in fact, I was told about him before we moved here and he was described as a "jolly old chap, probably just a bit lonely"
I never once thought to ignore him because he may be "mentally ill" 🙄

To all of you who apparently are routinely lovely dovey with local strangers, and think it's weird I'm so unfriendly - if I give it a go this week and be all nice to the creepy man, will you do the same and introduce your daughters to a similar sort of man in your neighbourhood for a fun time out?

What’s wrong with saying hello to someone that’s mentally ill?

If someone said hello to my daughter then yes,I would encourage them to say hello back. I don’t want them to end up being rude and pig ignorant

If it’s real, then ignore him. You are a risk to him he doesn’t need.

Oooh you're going to have a fun time out with this man?

I thought you were just going to say hello?

What if he turns you down for a fun time out?

I'd start slowly OP and try not to rush things.