Old-ish man on the route to the Co-op who keeps saying hello

[RogueFemale]

I moved house last week and already have noticed this man. He lives on the short (7m) walking route to the local Co-Op. He's maybe mid 60s, tall, heavy build. He is always standing outside his front door, and he loudly says hello every time I go past. I ignore him.

I'm 60 and am used to being invisible.

So it's not a leering hello. I also thought maybe it was accidental he was standing outside before, or something, and just a cheery 'local' hello.

But I went past twice today (to Co-Op) and he was there both times, hello-ing, and I'm finding it quite weird, that he's always standing outside his front door.

I'm going to be going to the local Co-Op a lot, so what do I do?

AIBU to continue to ignore him and just doggedly go past for years pretending he's not there?

Just do what you're comfortable with. I have to admit I'm a bit of a people pleaser and if someone says hello to me even who I don't want in my company, I would still reply. But by me thinking I'm just being polite and respectful can sometimes lead to them thinking this is an opening, so I understand your hesitation. You don't know this man, and I'm sure he's had a mix response of people saying hello back and others who walk on by because they feel the same.
Is there another route there?

That'll be what'll happen.

But it won't be the version OP comes back with...

You sound vulnerable having moved to a new area. Maybe don't walk past for a few days or go through other way. Explore a bit more so you feel more confident. Ask a neighbour about him. Once you settle in a cheery hello back won't seem as daunting.

I didn't deny it.

But it’s not about being nice. You diagnosed him with a mental illness because he’s said hello to you a few times. Say hello, don’t say hello, that’s up to you. But the vitriol you have for this guy is disturbing.

it's not a bloke with a 'cheery hello', it's a creepy and giant man constantly standing in the street. I've no idea why women on this forum find this so 'ridiculous'. I'm sure many of them have been raped, as I have.

I do! One of my elderly neighbours stands outside for hours chatting to people as they go by. According to another neighbour he has early dementia but he's friendly and seems totally harmless. I avoid getting into a conversation with him but will always smile and nod or say hello back if he says hello to me.

@RogueFemale do you often find yourself at odds with the majority in life?

What is he doing wrong?

Suddenly he’s no ordinary man, he’s a “giant”…

You said you didn’t remember doing it and told us to prove you said it

Yes something that is well in his control. Fucking hell

Not really. Not women. I've been abused repeatedly by men since age 15. And then my father when I was 17

He’s in the street now? Not in his doorway?

Youve also changed your mind about the context of the hello. First it wasn’t creepy, now you’ve decided it is? Has he said hello to you since you made your OP? Or are you just rewriting the story?

How do you know it’s constant? You haven’t answered.

Ive been raped and I’m a CSA survivor. I still don’t see what’s so creepy about this guy.

You literally said it was a cheery hello in your OP

Or maybe it will be the start of a beautiful relationship, you’ll both fall head-over-heels in love, and there’ll be wedding bells before the year is out!…. and you’ll come back on here inviting us all to the festivities!

@RogueFemale Your significant trauma is driving these feelings. If you feel unsafe that’s understandable. But this particular person hasn’t actually done anything wrong.

OP, I have a similar story. It’s not an easy life this, I know. But what doesn’t help is being terrified and demonising every normal man in my head. Far better to recognise the good men, and how men CAN be such good people, rather than expect them all to be like the men who have hurt me.

I arrived a week ago. really stressed, I went down to the co-op, vaguely noticed this man saying 'hello' on the way there and back. happened again. then yesterday, when I was beginning to feel normal, I really noticed this man and that he was there and speaking to me when I didn't want it. I thought I was imagining it almost, then he was still there on the way back from th Co-op, watching me. It made me feel deeply uncomfortable. If you all think this is great and normal, so be it.

And exaggerating or fabricating behaviours of men who’ve done nothing wrong REALLY doesn’t help.

We don’t think it’s normal.

Saying hello is normal.

Feeling how you do about someone saying hello isn’t.

I think perhaps this thread has taken a funny turn now and probably isn’t in your best interest to keep it up

Just say hello and keep on going. If he is “mentally ill” he might be lonely.

I’m sorry for your trauma OP but it isn’t for other people to change their behaviours over. It doesn’t make other people’s actions weird. Men who haven’t hurt you shouldn't be assumed to be rapists or stalkers because of your experience. And telling posters to fuck off really isn’t helping your insistence that you’re not the problem here

Nor does the describing of women as witches.