Old-ish man on the route to the Co-op who keeps saying hello

[RogueFemale]

I moved house last week and already have noticed this man. He lives on the short (7m) walking route to the local Co-Op. He's maybe mid 60s, tall, heavy build. He is always standing outside his front door, and he loudly says hello every time I go past. I ignore him.

I'm 60 and am used to being invisible.

So it's not a leering hello. I also thought maybe it was accidental he was standing outside before, or something, and just a cheery 'local' hello.

But I went past twice today (to Co-Op) and he was there both times, hello-ing, and I'm finding it quite weird, that he's always standing outside his front door.

I'm going to be going to the local Co-Op a lot, so what do I do?

AIBU to continue to ignore him and just doggedly go past for years pretending he's not there?

That's a bit of a leap....and all things being equal very unlikely.

I’m gonna say possible dementia. My dad has it and enjoys bothering people who park outside of his house and the reality is, he has nothing better to do.
sad really, just say “good morning” or “good afternoon” and carry on with your day

How amusing @Growlybear83 what a great wit you are, have you considered stand up?

There’s someone like this near my parents house. He greets people who pass and waves at every passing car. I think he’s joyous! I’m always a bit disappointed if he’s not there!

Ridiculous. You sound like a teenager.

Rude. You are rude.

Hopefully you'll get to know some other folk in your new area soon, and they'll be able to reassure you that they've been saying hello to this chap for years with no adverse effects.

I suspect the OP is a very bored and sad individual. Whether the situation is real or not, who knows, but this thread is obviously written by someone with nothing better to do. Maybe this is the only bit of attention they get.

Well what replies did you expect with such a stupid post? Did you expect sympathy for a stalking and sexual assault that hasn’t even occurred?

That’s not very fair to teenagers

You said you think he might have dementia?? Is it really that awful to say hello? Dementia might be in all of our futures one day. It doesn’t sound as if he has done anything menacing? You are of course within your rights to ignore him but you’ve asked if people think you’re being unreasonable and the majority have said yes.

OP, your distrust of men might be well deserved based on your own life experiences. I’m very much of the #NotAllSnakes mindset. But this man is standing in his garden when you occasionally walk by. You’ve only lived in your new place for a week. Are you feeling a bit discomfited by the move to a new environment?

I don't think someone being racist is comparable to some feeling uncomfortable saying hello to a man. Do you?

From what the OP has said she hasn't ever said a word to this man, so technically, she hasn't been rude to him.

Children are a good comparison because feelings are feelings and if we feel them then in the moment that's our truth and it's valid to us. If people act aggressively or maliciously on those feelings then it's a different story but as far as I can see the OP is ignoring him because he makes her feel uncomfortable. And that's okay.

You’ve said you pass him twice a day, once on the way to the Co-op, once on the way back, yet he is there for hours? Do you work at the shop? If not why are you spending hours in a Co-op?

@Upanddpwnislife25 If people act aggressively or maliciously on those feelings then it's a different story but as far as I can see the OP is ignoring him because he makes her feel uncomfortable. And that's okay.

Thanks

Well it’s discriminating based on a characteristic the person can’t help so yes it is. Is sexism and ableism better than racism? Besides we are talking about if feelings are valid. Are there some that aren’t? Which ones?

Well the fact she HASN’T replied to him saying hello makes her rude.

Children are not a good comparison, their brains aren’t fully developed

I don't understand why you think this man is going to stalk you or is creepy when you say you believe his behaviour is related to dementia or being mentally ill. Obviously is not normal behaviour to stand on your doorstep and if you genuinely believe he was creepy I would agree with you not to engage. However if you think he has dementia or a mental illness there is really no reason not to say hello back.

Genuinely sound a little off the map

Agreed. It was absolutely weird.

Weirder and weirder.

This thread will be a mumsnet legend, referred to in years to come as “Remember the thread about the woman who always went to the co op and thought her neighbour saying hello meant he was a stalker”.

Others will deny this thread even existed

Some of us will be proud to have been a part of it

Just say hello, wave etc and keep walking. That isn’t getting involved - it’s being polite rather than rude. He’s probably got learning difficulties. Have a smidgeon of compassion,

Ehm… I was in a similar situation a week ago in the pool (a guy standing and waving and saying hello, hello! Hello! …I thought it would be nice to say hello back as everyone else was ignoring him)…., and now this guy makes a beeline for me and tries to hug me when he sees me. I now need to go swimming at a different time to avoid him

so that’s just an example where being nice to a “strange” man (probably learning disability or mental health issue so not nice to call him “strange”, I guess, sorry if it offends anyone not sure how else to word it) can become a problem

What’s his height and build got to with anything. Why can’t you smile, nod and say hello

Thank you, yes not always great to 'be nice'.