Private school grief

[Movingonfeelssad]

Hey,
just came to the realization that private school for my child will not happen. Local State is good, cannot complain really, he will be fine, but will always wonder what doors private would have opened. We can afford it, mainly because of my income and this created so much pain in my husband that I decided to let it go. As a self made person from a very underprivileged background, it took so much grit and determination to get to where I am right now financially and I find it slightly challenging not to aim for the best for my child. But the value for money makes no sense with today’s fees and increasing costs, lifestyle creep etc…
what is the point of being successful as a professional if I need to hide it all the time? And before you say, yes my husband is very supportive of me otherwise…

Everyone’s kids deserve the best just as much as yours, because no doubt they’ve worked they’re bums off too, all their lives.

According to most posters on this thread state schools are better so they are getting ‘the best’. Also you disapprove of the op’s post and dislike rich people, but nonetheless to accuse them of being ‘delusional, childish and narcissistic’ and ‘on crack’ is unpleasant.

My honest opinion it doesn’t make much difference if you have a good local state school. What it makes a difference is a prestigious university! I come from a Mediterranean country and I went to a local public school and university (noone knows either of them in the UK). Once I finished, I did my MSc in one of the most prestigious universities in London (it was bloody expensive but super lucky my parents could afford it) and boom I immediately landed in one of the big 4 and my career has been great!

Haha! You’re so smug! Just wait until you’re in my shoes when your child is self harming as shaven headed Jayden is kicking their head in on a daily basis and the school just shrug their shoulders and tell you that Jayden has a really terrible home life. And the police charge Jayden with assault repeatedly but there are no consequences as this is Scotland.

If you don’t get your child to private school if you can afford it, well then you’d be failing them in the most terrible way.

Modesty they did not learn from their mother, then.

Where there's a will, there's a way

YABVU for describing disappointment as “grief”.

Don’t be so ridiculous.

And bullying and self harming doesn’t happen in private schools??

They really don't. Quite the opposite. It's much harder to get an interview if you go to a 'posh school'. I know dcs with straight A stars who didn't get interviews, whereas the current Oxford union president elect somehow got a place with ABB. So he obviously made the interview stage.

However the hoops parents jump through to get a grammar place. I'd guess a fair few of them are hoping for Oxbridge.

It’s a turn of phrase. I couldn’t give a toss how much it’s cost her. The point is spending 100’s of thousands on education doesn’t always mean your kids will be high flyers earning a fortune.

@Tangerinenets you are assuming that every person who sends their children is expecting them to end up earning a fortune.

a huge proportion of my private school became teachers! Very noble and vocational and certainly makes amazing use of their education but certainly not going to make them a fortune and pay back the amount invested in their education

Not at all in my experience as anyone who kicks off gets immediately shown the door. This is legally impossible to do in state schools in Scotland and makes a massive difference. I’m sure some bullying must happen in some places though. It would take a lot to get the rugby captain kicked out for instance.

I went to independent school. It really did absolutely nothing for me. I always struggled against my peers, and then found out I was dyslexic until I was 18 and at university. I did A levels because I felt pressured into it and hated it as it was too academic, should have gone to college really and done a more hands on course as that’s how I learn best, ended up failing my A levels and came out with 2 AS levels at grade E. Went to Uni, as I felt pressured into it again and did a diploma, I then dropped out of as I failed my first year and hated everything about it. I am now a police inspector, earn nearly £80K a year. I still now, at the age of 37, feel like the school’s disappointment because I didn’t go on to become a Doctor, Lawyer, Barrister, Author, Academic, Charity Director etc. I avoid their “Alumni” days like the plague.

I wouldn’t ever want that pressure on my DD who is now in year 10 and at a brilliant State School. She is absolutely thriving. They are so supportive and helped identify her ASD.

Each to their own and I know Independent can be Amazing for some children but you need to go off your child’s abilities and not yours or your husbands ego/wants.

I think she is proud of them more than anything, if my daughter achieved this I would also want to shout it from the roof tops!

That’s precisely what people do. Oxbridge takes 68% of students from private schools.

And time and time again parents have posted that getting a high flying job isn't the aim of sending their kids to private school.

Maybe the difference between private and state IS actually the parents. The state school parents end game is for their kids to earn a 'fortune' and think that spending money on the kids education is a complete waste unless they all achieve 'high flying jobs'. The private school parents end game is for happy, well rounded kids who will reach their potential.

That’s the biggest load of crap I’ve ever read.

If I had the money to send my kids to private school, me and DH would take a few weeks of unpaid leave and take our kids on a holiday. And back to their nice state school and me and DH's nice normal jobs and Nice normal life when we got home.

Actually, how much are we talking here? Would it pay off the mortgage? Or maybe just help my wee brother out with a deposit on a flat? If it's like 40k/ year, oh lord the things I'd do with that money - private school wouldn't get a look in 😂

Why do I need to be modest when answering a question about what private school can get you? I am giving my answer. Why do parents have to almost apologise for the fact their children have done well? I always celebrate my DC’s achievements as they work so hard for everything they achieve and haven’t been handed anything on a silver platter.

With respect, I think this is the worst post I’ve seen on Mumsnet. If you can afford it, why not let him go to private school?

It certainly doesn't suit your narrative.

Isn’t it funny how the OP throws in a grenade, lights the touch paper and retreats never to return 🤔

He’ll get into uni with lower grades from a state school.

If your dc is primary age a good state primary will be fine for him. Gs will be starting school next year and his parents will probably send him to a local state school. There is a family trust on sil's side to pay for education so he'll probably go private for secondary. Save your money for extracurriculars and university fees.

Yes indeed. It really is the strangest thread 🫠

Just because Oxbridge take a high proportion of people from private, doesn’t mean that most people send to private to get their kids into Oxbridge though does it…