Curfew for live-in nanny?

[NotableI]

A is a live in nanny, she works several evenings for the family but also has several nights off a week. On her nights off, she often goes out to dinner or to the pub with friends, and might not get back home til 10 or 11pm.

B is A’s employer. She finds A arriving back late inappropriate and disruptive given there are small children in the house, as it risks waking them up, and disturbs the parents who have to get up early. She’s asked A to ensure she’s home by dinner time.

In A’s view, her nights off should hers to do with as she pleases, as they are her only opportunities to see her friends, and she shouldn’t be held to a curfew when she’s not working, or being paid by B.

In B’s view, A is treating the house like a young adult house share and not adjusting in line with living in a family home. She still has the right to set rules about living in her home, even if they’re not within the scope of the job.

Who IBU?

(I am neither A nor B and this isn’t something that’s happening in my own life, but inspired by a recent discussion)

Never had a nanny or been a nanny or known a nanny but my understanding is that good ones are very much in demand so if the employer thinks she has a good one should treat her well. You get out what you put in. Nanny should of course be quiet, probably is, but her time is her time, ridiculous expecting a young person to be home by dinner🙄p

This is a bit bonkers. No adult should have a curfew...but it would be totally reasonable of the employer to say 'if you are out late, please try to be quiet when you come in so as not to wake the kids.'

However, if the nanny was rolling in after midnight all the time, I'd totally be questioning if she was up to the job of looking after small kids during the day!

I don't think she should be imprisoned in your home after dinner time no. She needs to make an effort to come in quietly and not disturb everyone. Like if she was coming in, banging round in the kitchen, on the phone to her friends then yeah this is our of order, she needs to come in, sneak up to her room and doomscroll on her phone in bed or something

Do the parents never have an evening out and return at 10 or 11? Of course they're being ridiculous but it's their house, their rules so if A doesn't like it, she should leave and find another job. I would imagine the parents are going to find it quite difficult to keep a nanny!

Depends if A is a binge drinker? If you are A has anyone else said anything about your drinking?

I suspect it's not a nanny, but an au pair. That scenario is so unlikely otherwise, terms and conditions would have been agreed beforehand.

It would be completely unreasonable to set a curfew. Fucking hell. Her time is her own. It should be an issue IF she is actually disrupting anyone or unable to do her job, and even then the solution is not a curfew.

I was wondering if this was the case as well.
But the OP used the word nanny which means they get a salary....and a contract.

B is far too uptight to have a live-in nanny.

Imo having a live-in nanny only really works if there's some degree of separation between the family bedrooms and the nanny's room so the nanny can come and go freely. My SIL has a live-in nanny who has a bedroom downstairs off the utility room, which sounds dreadful but is actually great as they can't hear each other, the nanny doesn't have to walk through the house to get to her room so has more privacy and can use kitchen/washing-machine/downstairs bathroom at night without feeling like she's bothering anyone.

I think it depends how she's being paid. If living in is a 'perk' and she's otherwise paid a fair hourly rate, I think a curfew is fair and she can find other accommodation for her nights off. If the live-in arrangement makes up part of her pay she should be able to live how she pleases (with consideration for the rest of the household of course)

Yes

I had a curfew but I asked for one as easier to tell my then boyfriend I had to be home by a set time.

Seems B wants to control every night of A's life. Awful.

A should not have any curfew

It does not matter if she comes home at 5am.

The issue is her making noise.

I wonder how much noise she can possibly be making though - do they live in a small flat, have a yappy dog?

There shouldn’t be any curfew. She’s the nanny not a child!

B is unreasonable. Asking an adult to come home at dinner time?
equally A should be quiet when she comes home. 10 or 11 is not particularly late, even on a school night.

10PM would be an utterly ludicrous curfew for a grown woman, just madness.

And, having someone getting in at say 11PM or later and stomping past my room up the stairs might potentially annoy me a little as a middle aged person, if this childcare by the sound of things regularly works evenings it is understandable that they might often want to go out on their nights off...

I don't understand why you've started a thread about a hypothetical situation that isn't actually happening, apparently to ANYONE (since the topic was merely 'inspired' by a discussion with a friend)?

I mean, I may as well start a thread about whether it would be reasonable for me to attach myself to a home-built rocket and launch it off my roof in the first attempt to send a total idiot to Mars. 🚀🚀🚀

10/11pm is not late, sorry. A is not property of B, she is her own person. If it was 2am/3am I’d have a little sympathy but B is vvvvvvv unreasonable, and controlling at that. Au pairs are not slaves.

We never had any issues with ours but her living quarters were in a different part of the house. She shared an entrance hall with us but our area was to the right and hers was to the left (both with lockable doors).

Would an annexe be an option for you?

I can see both sides of the argument. Ofcourse, you don't want to unsettle the children's routine. On the other hand, when she is not under the clock then it's her life to live as she chooses. Did you not establish ground rules before hiring her? We were all in our early 20s once, and wanting to enjoy the nightlife - work hard, play hard.

Could you move her to a downstairs room (if upstairs) and have an entrance door fitted to that room, separate to the main one, so that she can gain access?

B is clearly for bitch.

A needs to escape and find herself a new job.

Please do 😂😂😂

”Inspired by a recent thread I’ve been on…

AIBU for wanting to attach myself to a homemade rocket?

Just as the title says really… hypothetically speaking, would it be unreasonable to launch it off my room in the first attempt to send a total idiot to Mars?”

The nanny can come and go as she pleases as long as she’s not making excessive noise. I bet when the parents go out on an evening they don’t worry about waking the children up

Ha ha. How true. As the nanny i would not expect to be told when to get home in my free time. Unless she is being inconsiderate when coming home, B has not got a leg to stand on.

Obviously B (the employer if I’ve got it right) is being unreasonable. She’s an adult and 10-11 pm really isn’t late.

However, nanny should come in quietly and try not to wake anyone.

she should be able to go out and use her time how she pleases. however should be quiet when arriving home and respectful of the noise levels