School refused to release my child until after parents’ meeting – is this allowed?

[Sofia14]

Today, I went to collect my child from his primary school (London), but was told I couldn’t take him until after a parents’ meeting. The children were kept waiting in the hall for about 20 minutes.
The school only emailed about the meeting at 10.30am for 3.15pm. The message didn’t say it was compulsory or that kids wouldn’t be released. Staff were abrupt and didn’t apologise. I was unwell and really needed to get home. In the end, the meeting wasn’t urgent at all; it was about who the teachers are, what uniform to wear, and reminders about being polite/etiquette. All of this could easily have been sent by email.

AIBU to think the school had no right to keep my child like this?

I would probably have said - I can either take them now, or come back in an hour. Which would you prefer?

Which would hopefully work, but brinkmanship at the start of a long relationship isn’t ideal. They are setting an abysmal tone for the parent school partnership, though, so may not matter much.

‘My rights’ 🙄

Stop making a mountain out of a molehill. You were mildly inconvenienced, that’s all.

I'm really surprised how many people think this is acceptable

Loads of valid reasons why OP might not be able to attend the meeting.

Including that she might just not wish to. It's not compulsory

Strictly speaking ,I guess it might be a deprivation of liberty, contrary to article 5 of ECHR but I really wouldn't recommend that as an approach

I'm a retired school middle manager. The school didn't deal with this in a reasonable manner, in my opinion. A notification on the actual day isn't time enough when you consider that parents might have multiple commitments.

I would be really annoyed about this and I’m not surprised other parents complained. Less than 24hrs notice is pretty rubbish and surely there are lots of parents that wouldn’t have even read that email by 3.15

20 minutes is a bit annoying if you’ve got nowhere else to be but if you’ve got a dentist/dr/hospital appointment, other kids to collect, after school club, music lesson, train to catch etc. etc. then it’s actually a big inconvenience

She just didn’t want to.

More concerned with her supposed rights than her responsibility to make sure the child starts off the school year on the right foot…

I work in a school and, if this happened as OP is reporting, then this is completely unacceptable. There is no way we would do something like this.

Yes, parental engagement is very important. But you don't achieve that by refusing to release people's children to them unless they attend a meeting! You achieve engagement by working with parents. This means giving them adequate notice of meetings and events, making the presentation slides available to those who can't attend or (if it's genuinely that important) offering two sessions on different days.
Also, in what universe is it acceptable to give parents less than a days notice to attend an afterschool event? People have jobs and caring responsibilities, they need to be able to plan their lives accordingly.

Those saying it's only 20 minutes are massively missing the point. OP could have had a GP or dentist appointment to get to, she could have children at other settings who need collecting, she could have any number of reasons why she wasn't able to stay afterschool. It's not for the school to decide how she or her children spend their time out of school hours!

Legally, a person with Parental Responsibility has a right to collect their child whenever they choose. The only way schools can override this is if there is an immediate risk of harm, for example if we'd had to initiate lockdown procedures or we'd been told by the Police and Children's Services not to release the child due to an urgent child protection issue. Forcing parents to attend a meeting is not sufficient grounds for refusing someone with PR the right to collect their child.

I agree with those who suggest contacting the school, asking for more notice and being able not to attend.

I have not heard of such a meeting before, if you get this happening again, then make a formal complaint to the school governors.

Your point about English being an additional language is a valid one and you will probably be one of many parents in that situation.

I can’t imagine any mums I know accepting NO for an answer when asking to take their children home.

I would definitely have told them I couldn’t spare the time for and perhaps they could email,a précis of the meeting afterwards.

Sounds like you need to push back a bit with this school so they don’t take any more liberties.

That was something she unearthed when she googled, and she asked if it was relevant as she doesn't know our systems, being new to the country.

That's bizarre! What if you needed to get to work or collect another child from another school or had an appointment? I think you could have insisted on taking your child. Schools don't have the power to hold children against a parent's will. I would write to the Head and possibly to the council too.

Surprising and very, very annoying. Very unusual.

Breach of rights? Who are you going to sue? Or you want to go to the police? A bit dramatic.

I wouldn't waste time writing to the council, we don't even know if this is a local authority maintained school. I think an email to the Head would be entirely appropriate though.

I wouldn't be able to do that. I get one at 3.15 and one at 3.25. Then drive to college for 4pm. I get to each by the skin of my teeth daily.
Then a MTW clubs at 5pm Thurs 6pm

However if given a weeks notice then I can arrange for a family member to do the pick ups but this has to be pre arranged due to their workload.

OP is talking about the rights she has- and the rights the school doesn’t- from her first post. That’s what she’s googled- “does a school have a right to keep my child for x”
or similar. Google didn’t lead her there unprompted

No they can’t refuse to give you your child back at the allotted time. Even if they’d given you weeks notice, they still cannot make it compulsory for your child to stay for 20 minutes after the school day has ended. I’m astonished they did it. There should be details of the complaints policy on the school website.

I’m surprised by people implying this didn’t happen. This sort of short notice was really common when my DC were in primary. For example, we were once told on a Monday that there was going to be a parent’s evening on the Thursday, but that it would be in the afternoon, so we would have to pick our kids up at 12pm. Cue loads of stressed parents trying to get time off work at short notice.

Personally I’d be inclined to email the school a) asking for more notice next time and b) querying why you weren’t allowed to collect your kids at pick up time. But I wouldn’t use words such as legal rights or human rights, just message in a polite way.

The OP was questioning the legality of it as she wasn't sure of her rights in this situation. If she understood her rights then she would probably have been more forceful in making sure that one of the teachers went to get her child so that they could return home. Schools have no right to keep your child from you at any point in the school day unless they have significant safeguarding concerns. Very rarely would I be able to hang around after school for a meeting. I have work commitments, clubs to get children to, personal appointments, etc. The school has behaved outrageously and I would be writing a complaint and expecting an apology.

OP, you mention 2 parents: you, and one other, had the door shut in their face. Can you tell us about all the other parents? There must have been 100 or so others at least waiting in the playground? What did they say / do? Surely you're not the only one who found this mad (and rightly so)?

If this had happened at my school (inner city, mixed bunch) there would just be 200 parents going bonkers insisting on retrieving their child, please.

The amount of toddlers / baby siblings. Dogs tied up outside. Cars trying to avoid a ticket. Buses to catch. Swimming lessons to get to. Work to log back on. Dinner to start.

On what planet do a school just say to an entire cohort of adults that you must attend a meeting, right now, and we won't give you your child until you do.

Is your child at some utterly mental school?

Yanbu. No way would anyone I know be alright being told no to taking their child at home time especially for a meeting that should have been an email.

My thoughts exactly.

They should give more notice if children aren't allowed to leave at the normal time.

I was thinking the same! If I eg needed to get ds to the dentist or something after school I'd absolutely open the door and tell him to come with me!

Schools moan about disrespectful kids and parents, but it really does work both ways.

Wouldn't have worked for me when DS was at Primary School. I absolutely would have needed DS to be released at normal school finishing time. I had to get back home in time for DD, who was dropped off at our house by school transport from her SEN school. Absolutely no way I couldn't be there when she got home.

@saraclara How about YOU don't be an arse and swallow everything you read wholesale? Jeez. Right to family life because of a 20 minute school meeting

What if the child or parent has an appointment or an arrangement such as dropping a child at Grandma to get to work.

My workplace doesn't allow late finishes for those reasons unless volunteers or pre-planned. I'm astounded schools think they are the most important people in the room.