School refused to release my child until after parents’ meeting – is this allowed?

[Sofia14]

Today, I went to collect my child from his primary school (London), but was told I couldn’t take him until after a parents’ meeting. The children were kept waiting in the hall for about 20 minutes.
The school only emailed about the meeting at 10.30am for 3.15pm. The message didn’t say it was compulsory or that kids wouldn’t be released. Staff were abrupt and didn’t apologise. I was unwell and really needed to get home. In the end, the meeting wasn’t urgent at all; it was about who the teachers are, what uniform to wear, and reminders about being polite/etiquette. All of this could easily have been sent by email.

AIBU to think the school had no right to keep my child like this?

It's a big deal if you have other places to be, or other children to pick up! 5 minutes ok, but 20? What if it was a childminder picking up the child? Or a parent who then had to pick up another child, or get to work, etc? Not everyone has tons of free time to just stand outside schools for 20 minutes!

I'm a primary teacher, no it shouldn't be compulsory and they can't refuse to give you your child if you asked. If they are holding an after-school meeting children should be collected first and then those who want to attend go round to the meeting. You could have had an appointment or club you needed to get to.

I would suggest emailing the office saying it was not convenient for you to stay at that time and that if they choose to hold meetings out of school time they should allow children to be collected first. Parents then decide whether or not they are able to attend. Be polite but question their policy on this.

Op thats bonkers for a school to think like that. I bet half the teachers are parents too.

There are a zillion reasons why its not a great idea from the school.
Kids collected by wrap around care, nannies, childminders, informal wrap around Grandparents, friends, the teen next door.

The kids going to other things, music lessons, dance, football etc etc
And more serious doctors, dentists etc.

Then throw into the mix parents doing multiple pick ups or wfh.

What about kids who make their own way home?

I don’t get the this is fine either. No it isn’t and no it isn’t compulsory and yes you can collect your child indeed there are only very specific extenuating circumstances they can stop you

safeguarding and court ordered/custody disputes

this is none of the above

I think the school were wrong if they genuinely only told parents this morning about the meeting and wouldn't let anyone collect their child and miss the meeting. Is it possible there was a misunderstanding and the teacher who closed the door meant that children didn't need to go to the meeting, only parents? I can imagine several situations where the person collecting a child has to leave immediately (to get back to work, to get to another appointment, to collect another child) but I would email the school asking for clarification before accusing them of breaching any rights.

I personally want my children to know that people very often make up rules and regulations that are not written down, no one has signed up for, and are unenforceable, because unfortunately people being put on the spot and just lying about things being “rules” is very common. And I want them to know that passivity isn’t the only appropriate option. I have a husband who needs me to return things for him and complain on his behalf due to fear of confrontation, and we both agree that we’re not trying to raise adults who put up and shut up in the face of everything.

What about the children? My son would have been upset to have been kept beyond school hours to the point of melt down, especially as it was unexpected. He knows what time he should be picked up.

It actually doesn’t matter when parents were informed that there was going to be a meeting. Schools do not have rights over children to withhold them from their legal guardians. That just isn’t the role of a school, and I would like to think that if a school made it clear that they were becoming third parent when you enrolled your children there, people would go elsewhere!

It's one of those threads where the first few responses want to disagree with the OP just for the sake of it, and then nearly everyone esle piles on.

These are obviously not the same people who start threads about managing school pick up when they have children at different schools or clubs that start at a certain time, or have had to leave a meeting early (despite agreed working hours) and rushed to get to pick up on time.

I thought this was going to be a post about a major safeguarding issue. That's the only time that a school is within their rights to keep an adult from collecting their child.

I would be angry about this.

Teacher here. I'd be REALLY pissed off if this happened to me (as a parent) and I cannot believe my school/Head would ever do it. It surely can't be allowed?

I only saw one mum try to collect her child. Other parents were stopped outside and directed straight into the hall, so they didn’t get to the classroom. I thought the meeting was optional (it was short notice, I had a project and a doctor’s call) and managed to slip past the staff who were stopping people and went straight to the classroom. There isn’t really a parents’ community at this school, no WhatsApp group, and many parents have limited English, so we can’t even talk things through properly. It’s just an ordinary London primary school, nothing “mental”.

You can be aware of your legal rights without suing everyone around you. Of course OP should write a polite, calm letter to the head pointing out that the school had no basis to withhold children from their parents. This gives the head the opportunity to point it out to the teachers and avoids it happening again.

Children 'kept waiting for 20 minutes'? So what - does everything have to be about them? Some things are more important.

I'd say school is very much centred around the needs of the child.

I can't work out what this means.

Are you agreeing with the OP that they shouldn't have been prevented from going home, or disgreeing because you don't think school children or their parents should need to be somewhere at a certain time?

Why didn’t you just say you’re sorry but you feel really ill and you really can’t stay as you feel like you might pass out or be sick. They would be like right here’s Johnny, see ya

stop wanging on about human rights you sound like a right drama llama

I feel sorry for teachers trying to manage a cohort of kids where none of the parents can even communicate in English and need a special meeting arranged after term starts to remind them of etiquette and wearing uniform. Reading between the lines I think this must be a quite a challenging type of school to work in.

‘There isn’t really a parents’ community at this school, no WhatsApp group, and many parents have limited English, so we can’t even talk things through properly. It’s just an ordinary London primary school’

I feel for the teachers if this is the case.

Sorry but they don’t have custody of your kid. You can do what you want. There’s no law saying you can’t pick up a kid at the end of the school day if the school decides on a meeting.
they can report you if they have concerns, they can kick you out the school, they can mark it as unauthorised pickup, but they cannot deny your access to your kid

Yanbu OP, meetings like that should take place either during school hours or after hours with prior notice and should be optional. The school overstepped here.

YANBU I used to run into school to pick my DC and then rush back to work.

I also had a childminder who used to go to different schools.

I used to get after school detention on most days in secondary school and they would keep me on the same day but I don’t think they’re allowed to keep a child longer if the parents say no.

In fact, you have every right to walk in at the middle of the day and tell them you’re removing your child.

I would complain to the governors.

This is crazy, what is you have another child to collect with tight timing or swimming class / activity after school? Sounds very strange

Right, as a school governor of 30+ years, I would be very unhappy about this and tomorrow, when you go into school ask the reception desk for a copy of the school complaints policy.

Next go to the class teacher who refused to release your child and tell them you are not happy with what happened yesterday, if you do not get a fulsome apology, then say, "I am unhappy with your response and I am now making a formal complaint." At this point the clock starts running... you now have two options, if you feel your written English is not 100% ask the front desk for a mtg with the HT as you wish to raise a formal complaint about what happened today. If they ask for it in writing, remind them that a complaint can be raised both verbally and in writing.

Then when you see the HT, explain what you have told us here:

• You were ill;
• You did not wish to discuss this in front of other parents;
• It was wrong of the school to detain your child.

You need to decide what you think is acceptable... for me, it would be a full apology to all parents and a promise to give at least 48 hrs notice for any future meetings.

Hope that this is helpful.

I think this might be the issue.
Many parents having limited English.

The school are struggling to communicate with parents. Emails are being miss understood, or ignored so someone has decided to try an in person meeting thinking oral English might be easier understood than written English

Doesn't make it right but they can only try.