School refused to release my child until after parents’ meeting – is this allowed?

[Sofia14]

Today, I went to collect my child from his primary school (London), but was told I couldn’t take him until after a parents’ meeting. The children were kept waiting in the hall for about 20 minutes.
The school only emailed about the meeting at 10.30am for 3.15pm. The message didn’t say it was compulsory or that kids wouldn’t be released. Staff were abrupt and didn’t apologise. I was unwell and really needed to get home. In the end, the meeting wasn’t urgent at all; it was about who the teachers are, what uniform to wear, and reminders about being polite/etiquette. All of this could easily have been sent by email.

AIBU to think the school had no right to keep my child like this?

This is bonkers and I can't imagine anyone here has actually experienced this.

All I can think is that the meeting had been scheduled for A Long Time and you'd missed the memo and then mistook what happened afterwards.

Plenty of people have places to be, children aren't just "held hostage" on a whim.

Google suggests this could be a breach of parental rights, safeguarding and even family life rights

Google is not always your friend. Have a sense of proportion! Annoying and perhaps badly handled by the school but not worthy of much more than a passive aggressive message to the HT if you're that put out.

I would not be happy.

It might 'only' be 20 minutes, but if it were me, I would have another child to go and pick up from school 6 miles away, then get home, get a third child sorted and dropped off at football training 45 minutes later. A 20 min meeting - which never lasts 20 mins because there's always someone asking questions- would make us late for all of this. I'd also have another child with me for the meeting who'd not want to sit still and quiet for another 20 minutes after her school day.

In my 14 years of parenting and many years of primary school teaching, I have never heard of a school doing this. Meetings, yes, but not mandatory.

The school day has finished, you have parental responsibility, so effectively holding your child hostage - absolutely not.

However, I do struggle to believe that the first you heard of it was at 10.30am on the day. I imagine it has been in newsletter/school app etc.

But wouldn’t you just insist on your children being excused from the meeting? I find it really hard to imagine the OP was firm (in the way I would’ve been) and they still refused to hand the child over.

although maybe they were being racist and found the foreigner easier to ignore, I have to confess I’ve seen this happen at my DC primary schools.

If you're just trying to understand your rights, googling it and concluding that the school asking you to stay where you hadn't explained you felt unwell is a breach of safeguarding is a ridiculous degree of overkill.

As far as I'm aware they can only hold a child if on safeguarding issues or have been instructed to by social services etc.

It’s a way of ensuring parents attend these meetings. It sets the tone for the year. You can’t meet your child’s teacher via a email. The fact that you say it’s not urgent and could be sent by email is exactly why they did it. The parent school partnership is important. Too many parents don’t understand this.

No. It is not allowed after the school day. Many parents, myself included had many other commitments such as other siblings and children’s activities which had been paid for as well as work when I handed them over to someone to look after.
I’d complain to the governors of the school. Once they’ve done it once, they’ll try it again.
Disgraceful.

I can’t believe the posts people have requested deletion of and that MN were spineless enough to actually delete them. Give your head a wobble, they weren’t rude or unkind.

Yes its important but its a two way thing.

Oh they are going to love you

No, schools are not allowed to refuse to hand over a child to someone with parental responsibility (even in the middle of the day) unless they have a very serious and immediate safeguarding concern, usually where they would need to call the police or have the child examined by a child protection specialist doctor.

My kid would have missed her swimming assessment, so it wouldn't be "nothing" for everyone.

A better way of ensuring parents attend meetings is to give them more than a few hours' notice.
Most people could comprehend that.

Eh

I'd be fuming. My kids often have a music lesson or other commitment after school that i pay a lot for and no way would they be telling me they wouldn't release them. They are also collected by a childminder two days a week who has to collect from a local preschool as well and she simply wouldn't be able to wait, so if they refused to allow the children to go at 3.15 they'd have to keep mine till I finished work at 6.30pm....

As a teacher I know this is not allowed!

That's pretty shocking, what if you had a dentist appointment or they had a music or swimming lesson? I've never heard of this happening in a school OP and I can't imagine for one minute that they can force you to attend a meeting and not allow you to pick up your child.

It sounds like a bonkers school to me and you're not being unreasonable at all.

It’s a way of ensuring parents attend these meetings. It sets the tone for the year.

Schools do need to understand that it is 2025 and the parents are not naughty children needing to be kept in line. They are working adults, who are entitled to not attend, and the school cannot control them. It is when teachers/school administrators do this sort of patronising thing that it really damages engagement with parents.

The better approach to increase attendance is to ask parents to vote on suitable timing but also make it easy for parents to access the information other ways - send it by email or offer a teams meet. For most parents it is not that they won't attend it's that they can't. Schools need to understand this.

Our school has a number of teachers who are parents themselves and know how hard they find it to attend these things themselves, and are fabulous at offering accessible ways to engage with working parents.

Yes, I'd be firm and be taking my child, and kicking up a fuss if they still refused. However, I'm confident, know my rights in regards to my children and not afraid to kick up a fuss if needs be. Not everyone is like that though.

In my 25 years of primary-aged teaching, I can think of...zero occasions where we did this. Our parents were a feisty lot and would have given us hell, and rightly so.
Pain in the bum, yes. Breach of parental rights? If it happens again I'd make a fuss, but probably not this time (I'm not as forthright as some though).

It's actually pretty manipulative and upsetting to be told "you can't have your child until you attend this meeting". Even if a parent doesn't have a "good" reason and just doesn't want to attend the meeting, you can't use people's children to blackmail them.

Some schools are so unbelievably controlling and, like a pp said, treat parents like naughty toddlers.

Arguably it's false imprisonment. I know that sounds dramatic, but who else is allowed to hold onto children without parental permission?

Ex teacher, ex school governor here and, in my opinion, it is not OK and totally wrong of the school to do so.

When my own children were in Years 6 and 7, I had 15 minutes to get from the primary to the secondary, and it was 15 minutes drive. Neither would have been able to get home alone (too far and they didn’t normally take travel cards/ money to school).

I must admit I would have insisted on my right to have my child brought to me and, if not, escalated a complaint very quickly. Schools cannot know parents’ schedules and anything after school has to be voluntary. Even compulsory detentions (which lost primaries don’t have anyway) can be rescheduled in case of need.

This would absolutely snooker my day, I pick DD up and then rush back to log back in at work. What about if the parent had you her children or older children? I bet the hall was packed!