School refused to release my child until after parents’ meeting – is this allowed?

[Sofia14]

Today, I went to collect my child from his primary school (London), but was told I couldn’t take him until after a parents’ meeting. The children were kept waiting in the hall for about 20 minutes.
The school only emailed about the meeting at 10.30am for 3.15pm. The message didn’t say it was compulsory or that kids wouldn’t be released. Staff were abrupt and didn’t apologise. I was unwell and really needed to get home. In the end, the meeting wasn’t urgent at all; it was about who the teachers are, what uniform to wear, and reminders about being polite/etiquette. All of this could easily have been sent by email.

AIBU to think the school had no right to keep my child like this?

This is my situation. The taxi arrives sometimes minutes after we have rushed home as it is. If school had forced me to wait then my older child and everyone else in the minibus would have been left waiting outside my house for 15plus minutes. We also have after-school paid for classes that we would be late for, some people are still working at that time too so need to get back for that. I wouldn't be happy and would be emailing the head teacher a stern (but polite) message.

Don't be an arse. OP has explained multiple times that English isn't her first language and sometimes it seems over formal.

I would be shocked if this happened. Lots of people have things to do after pick up: work, medical appointments, clubs, other children to collect, buses and trains to catch.

Attending the meeting should be optional, and planned well in advance, and collecting your child should never be denied to you.

Hahaha, do you live in an alternative universe. Schools seem to regularly give little or no notice for things and just assume parents are able to be there at the drop of a hat.

I mean I know some Schools are better at it then others but it's not that uncommon.

I agree they can’t do this and similar to pp - I would have just insisted that my child be handed over if i wasn’t able to stay for the meeting. I’m afraid I’m always rather firm with schools or those in healthcare that try and say ‘you cannot do x or y’. I’d be emailing the head and the governors about it and getting their answer in writing - it’s always more difficult for them to justify ridiculous things in writing.

This isn’t something that would have happened at the primary school DS went to - albeit that’s because had the school done so, a large number of mums would have seen it as free childcare and shot off to the pub! The Head therefore was always wary about after school events which potentially indicated that the kids would be supervisors and the parents didn’t have to stay (ie PTA events).

I’m really surprised how many posters on here are ok with this. There are loads of reasons why parents can’t hang around after the usual school end time (and you know if there are a couple of parents who like to ask questions in the meeting it could run over by quite a bit).

I picked my son up from school today, I couldn’t have stayed an extra 20 mins because my other child had a club she needed to get to. Also, even if you turned up at any time to collect your child surely they can’t just refuse to release them?

What would your boss do if this happened once, reallly? C’mon, don’t drama lllama it. I do school pick up whilst wfh and sometimes yes it is mega stressful but I do expect there is a risk that I wouldn’t be able to whip my children away to my schedule all the time. It’s a risk I take really, and it’s pretty much on me to take it.

it’s either suck it up or cause a huge scene, storm in and drag your kids out, which I suggest most people would rather not do.

As a head myself, I would email and ask the legal basis on which they made the decision to withhold your child from you.

Exactly. All the posters commenting about it’s no issue don’t have very good imaginations if they can’t see how this would be really problematic for lots of parents.

I have huge sympathy for the OPs language skills and difficulty understanding school culture in a different country but tbh, I’m not sure the “rights including right to family life” translates as anything more casual in other countries, does it?!

Not everyone bothers to read emails. Letters can get lost. Some parents behave like absolute twats to school staff.

Some strange answers on here.

No, of course it isn't allowed.
I speak as a teacher and parent.
If it was exactly as the OP described, and the e-mail sent that morning was the first notification, many parents wouldn't even have read it by the end of the school day.
Even those who had, couldn't just change their arrangements at the last minute if at all.
If what the OP has reported is factual, then the school were being ridiculous.

However
I do agree with this
Look, it’s certainly irritating, and I’d have given them a piece of my mind, but calling it a ‘breach of my rights’ is a bit fucking dramatic and won’t get you anywhere. Blowing things out of proportion just makes you look silly and self-important.

It was unfortunate that you were unwell, but really you should be showing your child that you are interested in the school they are attending and not dismiss it as being something they could have emailed you!

Really surprised at all those telling OP to suck it up. I work at a school and can't imagine the chaos this would cause. Parents/carers/childminders have other commitments and can't always just change things with less than 24 hours notice. I do think the school were wrong in this instance. I wouldn't necessarily charge in talking about legalities/breaches of rights but it would definitely lead to quite a few angry emails to HT and governors if we pulled this!

I have no access to my phone between 6am and 2:30pm so wouldn’t have seen that email at all due to my hour commute. I would have been absolutely furious.

Is it normal for schools to call meetings at under a day's notice which could cause the parent who doesn't get home when they expect to to lose their WFH job?

Given I work from home and sometimes have to rush home for a work task (that's set to begin at a certain time) I would have had to come home and log on and potentially have go back to get them later if that were the case. Or I'd be risking my income.

How ridiculous. This sort of thing really annoys me about primary schools. They are so outdated. What about the parents who were working and who couldn’t make a 3:15 meeting? They have no legal right whatsoever to not ‘release’ any child from school.

I’d have been pissed off too OP. I often have things to get to after pick up, and as I don’t drive I rely on the buses. Being her back for 20 minutes would mean missing our bus.

offering to look after the children so parents can attend a meeting = helpful. Refusing to release them at the usual time is not!

They have no right to keep your child beyond school hours!! I’d be very annoyed. I often have to go to appointments or pick up my other child.

So by that logic parents who are working are uninterested in their children because they wouldn’t be able to attend a 3:15 meeting either? All of this could easily have been communicated via an email

No they shouldn't have done that, they should've realised some kids might have had clubs, appointments, dentists etc or parents might have had other children to collect or commitments themselves. Normally if there's anything similar at our school (an activity that goes on later etc) someone (a ta or teacher) will be on the door and you just ask for xyz child and they'll fetch them for you. Ours is a small school though so they do know every parent and also it wouldn't be that many people in a rush. Ultimately it's not prison is it, whilst we legally have to ensure kids get an education, we do still have parental rights. I'd just pop an email over saying you felt it was strange and highly inconvenient that individual children couldn't be excused because you had a prior commitment and couldn't attend the meeting, so next time could they ensure that there will be a system to release children at the normal time please. I wouldn't get into rights/allowed, just explain to them why it was an issue for some parents.

OP, Mumsnet is not the place to ask about it. I find many Brits to be generally spineless/doormat-y re schools. They cower before teachers, pander to all the ridiculous rules, let school get away with murder and all this for 'not making a fuss', not being 'that parent' (what parent? With a spine?), keeping 'good relationship with school' (letting them do whatever the fuck they want).

What would you do in your home country? In mine, this situation wouldn't even arise. And not only because kids and not babied to death and parents are the ones who decide when their kid is able to walk alone to/from school and NOT the school.

If some teacher decided to hold kids for the fun of it, because of some bullshit dreamt up meeting, there'd be hell to pay. There would certainly be a scandal, parents would make sure of it.

So next time don't be meek, just march in and collect your child(ren). Don't let them take the piss, you're the parent, not them. And fuck the 'relationship with school', who actually cares? What they're going to do? Be 'frosty' with you? Ooooooh nooooo, quacking in me boots..

It is absolutely ridiculous that schools get to be utterly unorganised, rude and inconsiderate, and yet complain and YOU are the one seen to be the problem. They should be trying to build a relationship with parents, they could do with remembering that parents are not additional members of staff ready and waiting for instructions. I really do not see how anyone can defend the school staff in this situation.

Why do people keep talking about legal rights? How is is relevant, are you going to call the police? Can’t you get through difficult situations (welll, marginally difficult) without needing some legal framework to support you?