To not want my daughter near a little boy at school after what I saw this morning?

[Editormedi]

Am I being silly or is this worrying?

So at drop off this morning I saw something that really unsettled me. There’s a little boy in dd’s class (year 1) and when his parents brought him in he completely lost it. I mean properly lashing out. He was kicking his dad hard in the shins, screaming at his mum to “shut up” over and over, trying to smack her face. It went on for a good few minutes and everyone in the playground was watching. The parents looked mortified but also a bit helpless, like this wasn’t the first time.

I know kids can have meltdowns and off days, I’m not judging that. But I have to admit it really worried me. If he’s like that with his parents what’s he like with the other dc? Dd is quite quiet and gentle and I don’t want her to end up on the receiving end.

Part of me thinks I should just leave it, it’s none of my business. Another part of me feels like I should say something to the teacher, or at least try to make sure dd keeps her distance. But I don’t want to be unfair on a 6 year old either, maybe he has SEN or something going on at home.

I just can’t shake the image of him hitting out and the thought of him doing the same to my dd makes me feel protective.

AIBU? Should I just ignore and stop overthinking, or would you mention it to the teacher? Handhold please. Flame me if I’m being PFB/OTT, but I came away really unsettled.

But surely you can't blame a parent for not wanting their child to be around another child who is violent?

also nobody is thinking how unreasonable it is towards the teacher, if the children have never had an issue with eachother why give her the extra workload of keeping them apart over an incident that has nothing to with ops daughter.

To their child? Absolutely.

Due to one snap shot outside of school which had nothing to do with their child? Not really.

If you don't want to be seen as a busybody or judgemental just don't be a judgemental busybody. The parents of this little boy will be feeling much more unsettled than you. Make sure your DD knows she can talk to you about anything that bothers her at school but trust that her teacher knows more about the family than you have learned from a 'snapshot' one morning.

And that's why my advice to the OP was to monitor the situation and basically play it by ear.

I do agree with that.

It was just the assumption that one incident outside of school - violent thug who needs to be kept away from OP's child.

Of course, he could be incredibly violent to everyone and anyone but he could also be more violent to his parents because they are his safe space and/or he finds the morning transition to be difficult, especially when it's a new term after 6 weeks.

Surprised you didn’t write “your not an intelligent women” tbh

Ok I'm really confused have I missed a bit where this child is kicking off in class?! All I can see is the OP said she'd witnessed a one off incident with the child’s parents.

As lots of people have said children can behave very differently in the classroom to with their parents.

If OP was to go and speak to the teacher she can't share info about another child's needs or support.

I have taught kids with SEN who have lashed out and 99% of the time the TA and/or teacher have got them out of the classroom so quickly no child was hurt or even had more than 5 minutes of learning curtailed. It has sometimes led to the adults being hit unfortunately. But a good school should have very quick procedures for this. It might not even be relevant anyway as we only have this one off snapshot!

I think the SEN parent deserves more empathy whilst the rest count themselves lucky they don't have an SEN child.

Should they also count themselves "lucky" that someone else's child is causing major problems for their own child?
I do consider myself lucky to not have a child with SEN. Although I do think parenting is an issue in some of these cases.

Why do you think parenting is an issue in some cases with SEN children?

Heaven forfend little princess has to be in the company of an SEN child or a child who sometimes gets upset

I think many parents of children with SEN would benefit from attending parenting groups. Learning strategies on how to manage their child's behaviour would be massively beneficial for everyone involved. You only need to look on here to see how many parents are struggling and desperately need more support.

Never see girls behaving like that.
The consequences for the girl and her family would be dire, especially so socially.
But every excuse for a boy.
Hitting and kicking and what not, all excused.
6 isn't 2 or 3.

Violence must have been upsetting for those other children?
And your poor TAs who had to get them out??
It's extremely stressful for all to have a child like that in the classroom.

You think those parents aren't trying those things?

If he is doing that at six then obviously there are some issues like SEN at play as that isn't normal.

I don't believe they all are, no. I've witnessed some really inadequate parenting of children with SEN.

Sounds like you are judging actually.

I have hope that helps

"Never see girls behaving like that."

I know one that did.

My SEN daughter has slapped,pushed, kicked and shouted some pretty bad things at me, DH and her younger sister during meltdowns but never has any such issues with peers.
Just because he is letting it out at his parents doesn't mean he will be doing so to the staff and children at school.

Nobody wants their child to be harmed but I think you're being rather precious here and actually are being quite judgemental (despite you implying otherwise)
Unless your daughter comes home saying he has hurt/intimidated her specifically (then of course follow it up) i think you just need to leave it and definitely don't tell her not to go near him that's just presumptuous and mean and will only excabarate his feelings of negativity.

Plenty will have tried that. What then? It isn't always that simple.

Well yeah, those who are having an easier time are less likely to start threads about it. Not all involve SEN children either so why would it only benefit parents of children with SEN?

Am I missing something? Everyone has jumped on assuming special needs child. Is bad behaviour automatically now lumped in with children who are sen? Maybe the boy is bad or having a tantrum

Tantrums aren't typical at 6, especially as extreme as hitting and kicking parents so it's possible he is just badly behaved but it's also possible he has SEN.

It's an assumption either way because no one knows for sure.