A second baby shower… WTF

[nursedae]

Been invited to a baby shower for a second baby. We had one for her first 18 months ago, all pitched in for some expensive presents, laid on tea and decor and games etc. Thought it was a bit silly but let it go, first baby, didn’t want to be overly cynical and nice to wish her well into motherhood.

Now I’ve just been added to a group to organise a shower for her 2nd baby. Similar amount of effort involved, suggestion we pitch in around £100 for presents plus the cost we’ll all end up spending for shower itself.

AIBU to gracefully bow out? Is this normal now? I thought the whole point was that a shower is for your first baby?? And more money and presents seems too much - bear in mind we also bought presents when baby was born and will do so again, and probably for the older child too so they’re not left out. It feels like too much now.

"Nah, cant make this - have fun"

Job done

Just say you have too much on and don't engage.

I'm so glad I don't have the type of friends who would want a baby shower. Yanbu

I think people who have baby showers have them for each baby they have.
I don't like them and prefer until the baby is born before giving gifts

This. Make it stop.

I’ve been to a few baby showers but none of them have had suggestions of £100 presents or costs for the shower itself. The ones iv been to have been paid for by the family and people have bought small presents, there’s been an afternoon tea and some drinks out in and a few games.

Baby showers are for the first baby not the reat. Just say you’re busy & can’t make it & leave the group.

I'd definitely have other plans. It's ridiculous.

A baby shower is for any baby, not just the first. But usually organised by a sister or mum or best friend and I wouldn’t expect to contribute to the actual party expenses, just bring a gift (at much less than £100).

What on earth do you need to buy if you had your first baby just 18 months ago? £100 gifts are insane first time around, let alone for a small age gap second.

Small keepsake and that's job done (once the baby is here, in my opinion).

i had 2, one for each baby 4 years apart. Both at my house, I put on the buffet and drinks etc. wouldn’t expect people to stump up the cost of putting the shower on!

I didn’t have one for either of mine but I don’t mind a shower and have been to a couple for second babies. None of them were expensive to attend or involved too much fuss, I guess it depends on what the friends involved are into.

I think in the US they are for any baby?

In the UK it just started as for your first and now...well!

I would tolerate one for a first baby but not a second. I think more people give gifts in general for a first baby than a second+ too (could be wrong, I only ever had one baby and definitely no baby shower).

I wouldn't go, unless I really wanted to. Pitching in about £100? Absolutely not. That would have me questioning the friendship not just my attendance at a baby shower. Horribly grabby.

I’d set out my stance on your first reply OP, save them asking for contributions even if you ‘can’t make it’

”Can’t make this, I will celebrate with X when the baby arrives, already have their gift! Have fun everyone”

then quickly leave the grp!

I’m so glad I had my children when baby showers weren’t a thing. Rock up after the baby’s born to have a little cuddle, simple gift, leave, job done.

Just don't go, it is a bit of an americanism. I also don't like how they are usually women only.

I have had two 'baby showers' for my children. Both times it was just dinner in a nice pub, open to all of our friends and family, regardless of gender. Everyone just paid for their own meal -this was all communicated in advance, we put some cash behind the bar and we had some cake. It was just an opportunity to see everyone we loved before we entered the newborn trenches. Both times we asked for no gifts, though we did get a few anyway.

I think in principle, seeing people you love all in one space before you have a baby is lovely, it's all the extras I don't really get.

If you want to go to see mum to be, then just say you're opting out of whatever gift thing they have planned and will do something on your own - or, meet her another time to wish her well.

This is actually the perfect reply and I have sent it almost word for word.

Im sure it will cause a few raised eyes. I really didn’t want to be a grumpy cow but this has made me feel my reaction is normal. The person organising also has clearly told the mother the present and value they should be expecting because she included a list of options from the mum - she hadn’t broached the gift with the givers yet! 😳

I’m not getting involved, I’ll see my friend a lot before she has the baby anyway so it’s not like I’m missing out. It’s all so silly!

never had them in my day 😆😆😆😆😆
just say you’re all booked up for that date, never give out details true or imaginary 😉

Do you know what, I think it’s more likely others in the group will think you’ve made the right call and follow your lead. I think the organisers are kidding themselves on to assume everyone has a free afternoon and a free £100 to spare. The baby showers I have been to are more along the lines of “bring a bottle of bubbles and put in a tenner for a massage voucher”.

This should be a baby sprinkle- parent will already have the big stuff for baby so will just be for the second baby so less cost!

Individually chip in £100? WTAF.

My girlfriends and I tend to go for lunch before one of us is due to have a baby, for an adult hangout before the onslaught begins.

No expectation of gifts though - most likely a big bag of relevant items from whoever previously was the most recent to have a baby.

Totally agree with this.
I wouldn't want to.know the type of people who shamelessly milk their friends for what they can get out of them.

I've heard these being called a sprinkle instead of a shower as they're smaller.

In any case I think they're a bit over the top. Some friends threw me one for my first but no huge gifts which honestly would have made me uncomfortable, but lovely thoughtful little gifts and fun games.
Definitely not planning one for my second.

I think you're right to bow out as you have.

I only had a shower for my third dc but i would not be expecting anyone to pay anything.

@Danikm151 yes a sprinkle. It is a latter day American invention. A chance to get together eat drink visit take some
pictures of/with (2nd) mom to be and very small gift often practical items like nappies. I think this culture of OTT showers are more and more about the “organizer” garnering favor with the bride or mum than the celebration of the wedding or baby. This was satirized in the movie “bridesmaids” where the character played by Rose Byrne gifts the bride a trip to Paris. I also personally despise being told an amount to give as a gift and being told how much I owe for “the party”. Showers/ sprinkles are meant to be hosted by a few who agree to the costs and then attended by the many who want to come. It sounds like you handled it graciously and rapidly and I doubt the money requests end at 100$