A second baby shower… WTF

[nursedae]

Been invited to a baby shower for a second baby. We had one for her first 18 months ago, all pitched in for some expensive presents, laid on tea and decor and games etc. Thought it was a bit silly but let it go, first baby, didn’t want to be overly cynical and nice to wish her well into motherhood.

Now I’ve just been added to a group to organise a shower for her 2nd baby. Similar amount of effort involved, suggestion we pitch in around £100 for presents plus the cost we’ll all end up spending for shower itself.

AIBU to gracefully bow out? Is this normal now? I thought the whole point was that a shower is for your first baby?? And more money and presents seems too much - bear in mind we also bought presents when baby was born and will do so again, and probably for the older child too so they’re not left out. It feels like too much now.

Just out of interest, are they American??? It’s way more normal in the Us and quite cringey everywhere else. That’s a big ask for a second baby.. I would send that message too and quickly disappear 😂😂

I’ve never heard of them only being for first babies.
I think if the mum wants one, she can have one, and if people want to attend/contribute they can do, but no one should feel obliged. £100 is insane, I’ve never known anything like that before! I wouldn’t go if I were you. There’ll be plenty of other people there who are happy to go!

I don’t hate the idea of baby showers or sprinkles though thank goodness am too old to have actually been to any. The idea of a group being dragooned into paying £100 each and committing to a date way in advance is crackers.

I told my team at work that I didn’t think it was reasonable to even put round a collection when I went on mat leave with my second dc. That was three years after my first. id rather not be the centre of any attention and we had all the baby bits from my first so didn’t need anything.
As PP suggested, reply ‘thanks. No can do but have fun ‘

never had a shower but why wouldn't you need things for a second baby? I needed: another cot, double buggy, some different clothing since babies were born at different seasons even though they were the same gender. Plus some people gave toys to the big sister. Obvioulsy not as many things we but we needed some.

Baby shower is a US tradition for starters, as with gender reveal parties.

The place to discuss that is Netmums, the US version of Mumsnet!

A baby shower is usually for each baby

what I don’t understand though is why you need to spend £100 to make it happen. A small gift should be enough. The organiser should be footing all other costs (food/games/drinks/decorations etc)

I also think with a baby shower no gift is needed when the baby arrives or 2 small gift that’s what I’ve always done anyway. I get them a gift at the shower and then just a card when baby arrives

£100 each? Fuck that!

I think this is silly when they have everything already. It should be called a sprinkle if anything. I would attend if I was being hosted (ie someone else is providing food and drink and decor) with a token pressie under £20, but I have turned down the only invite for something similar to what your friend is doing

I had a baby shower for my son, but I organised it, and there was absolutely no expectation for anyone invited to spend £100 on a present or to even give one!! I also paid for the afternoon tea for everyone too!! I think whoever is organising this baby shower, is taking the piss! I certainly wouldn't be attending. I don't think baby showers are exclusively for 'first babies'.

I have no issue with going to baby showers etc. (I’m in my 30s so peak attendance of these things) but I was never asked at any to put money towards it. The girls mums or sister planned them and we just turned up for tea and cake and some silly games. It was cute!
All that was suggested to us was to bring some nappies for a raffle which I thought was nice.

I’m also a bit superstitious so I much prefer buying their proper gift when they arrive.

I don't see anything wrong in having a baby shower for a second child, but I disagree with being forced to pay a certain amount. Obviously I would be happy if attending to pay the amount for an afternoon tea, meal out what ever was decided and to contribute to a shared gift or to bring my own, but I wouldn't expect it to cost this amount.

Just say, "Sorry, I can't make it, I will sort my own gift out once the baby is here. Have fun!"

A second baby shower is fine, but asking to pitch in £100 is absolutely ridiculous. Nobody does this!
It's like throwing a birthday party but then telling everyone you have to bring a gift of a minimum value to attend.
Just politely opt out

Thankfully this wasn’t a thing when I had my two 20 years ago. People just gave presents once the baby had safely arrived.

I once witnessed one of these horrible showers at a nice local restaurant and bar. They had a big table, with an awful looking over the top giant blue cake and proceeded to play these really loud games, questions and raucous over the top laughter more befitting a hen night. What would James do if and when baby wakes up in the night etc? They even had a microphone. It was awful, noisy, unnecessary and totally over the top.

Agree with just say sorry can’t make it enjoy and leave the chat.

PS expecting £100 for a present is total Cheeky Fuckery.

I couldn't associate with such vulgar people.
A very inexpensive token would be all I would give at all.
Too tacky.

👍🤣

To be honest, after baby no.1 I really wouldn't want any more gifts - we've got most things already, house full of toys, garage full of outgrown baby stuff.

It's not in our culture to celebrate anything baby before baby arrives healthily, barely preparing, but I can understand why a baby shower would be nice no matter which baby you're on - just sans gifts. Perhaps a nice tea (put on by mother-to-be), a few games, maybe someone comes to give pedicures...

But the situation you're in sounds quite unreasonable.

Baby showers are so boring, as is listening to conversations about baby related equipment etc. I hate all the twee baby shower games too. Also, it’s so annoying that men are never expected to endure these baby showers, why do they get away with it?

£100. What a cheek! No way would I do that.

I agree, if you have one foot the first with photos and gifts you can't really not for the second I suppose. I've never been to a baby shower but my cousin is pregnant with her first and I think her friends have had them, so I might get the chance to see what actually happens.
Is the mum organising it or her friends?

“ sorry can’t come this time as I have a previous appointment , I will send her a gift myself “

sorry but 18 months apart it means she should still be reusing most stuff anyway

I can understand baby showers for first time mums. Having them for subsequent babies just seems a bit grabby.

Duplicate post.

Who made the suggestion of £100 each for presents? If it was the mother of the baby that’s a new level of CFery I’ve not encountered before! Baby showers smack of money-grabbing and attention-seeking anyway so it would be a firm no from me.