Husband touched a kid to reprimand them on school trip

[ToddlerIs2]

Husband went on school ltrip with yr 6 dc as our DC"s 121 so only responsible for him. Yr 4 girl in front was being annoying all journey. Husband asked her to stop several times. He dozed off and she banged the seats again (so banding onto her knee) and he lent over and tapped her on the head and told her to stop. Off the coach the teacher spoke to him and he said sorry, didn't think etc. now head wants to see him. What's the likely consequences? We have a lot going on and I'm not holding it all together very well so at home so don't know how irrational I am. He's never smacked out kids so I know it won't have been a smack to the head etc and it was only when she got off she told the teacher. I'm absolutely fuming because how did he forget to never touch someone else's child? And obviously there's an angry parent there that there's a grown man who's touched their daughter so school will probably have to make an example of him. Any ideas what's likely to happen?

And I'm thinking now what if she embellished and adds fabrication to what happened because frankly whilst most kids wouldn't, I work with kids. Some would. Fuck. If she's emotional and telling her parents and they're asking leading questions she could tell them anything and our lives would be ruined because he's an idiot.

I’m not saying it’s ok. I’m saying if my child was being a dick and a parent tapped her lightly to say please stop I wouldn’t be outraged like so many on here.

@ToddlerIs2 OP I run a public protection department, multi agency including police and social care, kindly please take a breath and step away from the craziness on here. If he just tapped her on the head from the seat behind when she was banging her chair into his knees repeatedly and said hey Jessica stop that. There is absolutely no way this meets the threshold for any police or social care involvement. He's not going to get arrested or lose his job and there won't be any social care involvement with your children. I think he will probably be turned down if he volunteers again or advised not to bother volunteering for trips again by the school.

Tapping for attention is different to tapping a child you’re annoyed with to tell them to stop, I think? That’s why it’s a problem, not literally because he made contact with another child but because he let his irritation get the better of him and “tapped” her on the head when verbal reminders weren’t working.

Were there credible witnesses around when the tap happened? Ideally another adult?

Why did she need to have her finger in your grandchilds face?

Or touch them at all? Let drown? Fall out of a tree etc? I am reminded of the T. Pratchett novel 'The Fifth Elephant' in which it is recounted that numerous dwarfs allowed the Low King to drown because touching the king was not allowed - and everyone agreed they did the right thing.

Male adult to female child is even worse, as the child is going to be scared

I would expect Lance Corporal Punishment to not be allowed on any further trips or indeed in DC's school again.

He's not going to be prosecuted for assault. It was a tap on the head made in poor judgement with no real harm done and which can be entirely mitigated by him staying away from the school. There is zero public interest in prosecution when the matter can be handled far more pragmatically.

That said, I'd be massively unimpressed if he wasn't trying to come up with his own way of Smoothing this over instead of just carrying on woth the usual man's view that you and your child will be the ones getting the cold shoulder from parents and other kids from the gossip.

Imo he should at least try and follow the school policy for kids for dealing with this sort of thing. Write a letter of apology, offer to meet with school and or parents and face the music. Even if they say no, at least he's tried to face the music in a positive matter instead of hiding behind his wife and job and hoping noone calls the police.

I have no issue about him accidentally dozing next to our 10 year old on a coach full of people. He certainly isn't the first parent and won't be the last. I mean I wouldn't say "make sure you get your head down for a nap babe" but it also isn't reprimand territory. If he'd got other kids with him, I'd feel different I've certainly dozed off sitting at home with my 10 year old and wouldn't expect him to come in and tell me off.

But lots of people on the bus would have seen what happened, he wasn’t alone with the child.

Of course if it is an emergency and they are going to save the child's life - then they can touch the child.

That is the only circumstance it is ok. No other circumstance is ok.

I work in a school. We just did safeguarding refreshing training. We were told we are not allowed to tap, hug a child ever.

100% this. It wasn't the best advised way to deal with it, but the fact that there are so many parents here who think it's a SS or police matter and totally unacceptable that a kid acting like a brat should be quietly reprimanded (and the parent never allowed round kids again is totally, completely bonkers).

I am very glad my kids are adults and I don't have grandchildren growing up in this country.

The whole reason why any physical contact to a child became inappropriate to start with was purely to cover adults backs because of all the crazy accusations it can - and sometimes did - lead to.

Assuming it really was just a tap it's not great but it's not the end of the world.

School won't tell us who the kids is, so he can't apologise. DS prob wont know either. I expect the grape vine could be squeezed for who but I don't think him approaching the parents is necessarily helpful. How else other than being genuinely contrite in the meeting can he help resolve this? I mean he could write a letter of apology to pass on I guess but would a parent actually care about the letter?

FGS the world's gone mad, he tapped the head of a misbehaving child, good for him. Honestly.

Really? Bloody hell This thread is descending into a very dark place....

Do you really teach your kids all men are scary??

Highlights the need for more male primary teachers or nursery practitioners.

I absolutely didn't mean to imply anything beyond what actually happened... all I meant was that an adult who falls asleep and then is annoyed enough when waking up to be unable to think clearly and then instinctively touch another child - in any sense - is not one I would want on a school trip with my own children. I volunteer to supervise my children's classes often and never, ever touch any of them. I took them swimming last week and it was very clear exactly what we could do (we had to help them with their swimming hats but only touch the hats)

I think it's really unlikely that anything will happen further but I would not be surprised if he was not invited to supervise again - at least for a while. And I'd think he should promise to stay awake if he's surrounded by children anyway.

I would suggest following the school’s lead on this, he can ask at the meeting? They will have been in similar situations before. I imagine they won’t recommend any contact or follow up with the other child’s family but probably will pass on an apology and explain that he knows it was the wrong thing to do etc.

What did I just read?!

Some people need to switch internet off and go out to get some fresh air, this is ridiculous.

I will say that it can be difficult working with under 18s. You have to be so cateful what you do.

In my school, one security guard got fired because he was too friendly with a teenager.

Another security guard got fired because in his words he made the mistake of putting a heart emoji on a teenagers comment instead of a thumbs up.

One teacher got fired for giving a student a car ride in the rain. Car rides are a no no except if the child is in danger apparantly

You know who else embellishes and adds fabrication....

Seriously does it even matter he taped them on the head not assaulted them.

Ok

I imagine it will depend on the girls version of events and how angry and/or crazy her parents are and if any witnesses can coorberate your husbands story.
It could all blow over in one cknversation if everyone is reasonable and thing happened as tour husband said they did. I imagine it could escalate if the girl has said it was more than a tap and also if her parents are angry and more so if they are unreasonable types.
I do think if a male parent hit my daughter in the head I would be furious and I am a reasonable person who doesnt usually make a big deal of things and also knows my kids arent perfect.
How long was this journey? Because if it was only a few hours then he can't really say he was trying to sleep. Its a school trip not first class long haul. But an overnight trip then possibly has an excuse.