Page 26 | Husband touched a kid to reprimand them on school trip

ToddlerIs2 · 2025-09-15T10:25:26+00:00

Husband went on school ltrip with yr 6 dc as our DC"s 121 so only responsible for him. Yr 4 girl in front was being annoying all journey. Husband asked her to stop several times. He dozed off and she banged the seats again (so banding onto her knee) and he lent over and tapped her on the head and told her to stop. Off the coach the teacher spoke to him and he said sorry, didn't think etc. now head wants to see him. What's the likely consequences? We have a lot going on and I'm not holding it all together very well so at home so don't know how irrational I am. He's never smacked out kids so I know it won't have been a smack to the head etc and it was only when she got off she told the teacher. I'm absolutely fuming because how did he forget to never touch someone else's child? And obviously there's an angry parent there that there's a grown man who's touched their daughter so school will probably have to make an example of him. Any ideas what's likely to happen?

Tkaequondo · 15/09/2025 15:53

Jesus wept.

Original poster

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 15:54

GinAndJuice99 · 15/09/2025 15:50

Was it a 'gentle tap' though? That's the one thing we've never really got to the bottom of.

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Well because I imagine it's hard to make an accurate measure of force lost eventually. DH intended it to be a gentle tap to get their attention. It was the only part of them he could safely touch. They disagree it was gentle, confounded by the fact they were surprised it happened and only knew DH as The Dad Of.... so there was an emotional side of the "force" too. School have pointed out that frankly it doesn't matter how hard it was because he shouldn't have done it.

OP posts:

TheGreatWesternShrew · 15/09/2025 15:55

He will be fine. The police aren’t going to charge him for a tap. He might just be asked not to supervise trips anymore (if parents are angry) or to mind his hands in future (if they’re not fussed).

Brindlegirl · 15/09/2025 15:55

I suppose it's too much to expect that the child also had to apologise for the behaviour which caused the incident in the first place.

XWKD · 15/09/2025 15:56

This reply has been deleted

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I was touched by music teachers. Sometimes it's necessary. It depends on the skill being taught.

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 15:56

Speckly · 15/09/2025 15:48

Can you post the link to these guidelines please (from a bemused teacher).

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Can you post a link to guidelines which shows that teachers ARE allowed to touch minors in secondary schools?

I wait for your links

Also is this real life? Are teachers actually saying this?

Original poster

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 15:57

neverbeenskiing · 15/09/2025 15:48

Suitably concerned that either parent are going to make life difficult at drop off / pick up esp given she hangs out with one of DS's peers mothers. My only concern now is that is doesn't impact on DS and he doesn't suffer any bullying from it.

OP, if this happens just email the HT. Any half decent HT would speak to the parents or children involved making clear that this is not appropriate, that the school has dealt with the matter and all parties now need to agree to draw a line under it and move on in the best interests of all the children involved.

TBF she would. She was upset I was so upset and I've left her today cos I could feel myself getting emotional again. Unfortunately I'm currently in my crying stage. Anger. Pain. Sadness. Happiness. Stress
It all ends in tears

OP posts:

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 15:57

XWKD · 15/09/2025 15:56

I was touched by music teachers. Sometimes it's necessary. It depends on the skill being taught.

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I disagree. There is no need at all.

CapriceDeDieux · 15/09/2025 15:58

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 15:56

Can you post a link to guidelines which shows that teachers ARE allowed to touch minors in secondary schools?

I wait for your links

Also is this real life? Are teachers actually saying this?

Edited

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Attempt no. 2
https://www.gov.uk/government/news/school-discipline-new-guidance-for-teachers

Schools should not have a ‘no touch’ policy. It is often necessary or desirable for a teacher to touch a child (e.g. dealing with accidents or teaching musical instruments).

School discipline: new guidance for teachers

The Department for Education publishes the final, clearer guidance for teachers on how they should deal with bad behaviour in schools.

https://www.gov.uk/government/news/school-discipline-new-guidance-for-teachers

JohnBullshit · 15/09/2025 15:59

OP, I've been that parent wondering if others are looking at me because of something my DH was alleged to have said to a child who was bullying ours. I was there, and he didn't say it, but he still had to go in to discuss it with the head, and it was the talk of the wash-house until everyone remembered the parent complaining was as lax as you could be without being hauled in for neglect. Maybe she was, I wouldn't know. Anyway. They talk, then they forget. If the details get out, you'll probably find as many supporters as detractors, but it's probably safer not to be drawn into discussion.

IdaGlossop · 15/09/2025 15:59

This reply has been deleted

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Please do not swear at me. It is offensive, weak, and unnecessary. The tone of most of your posts this afternoon is making me question whether you are capable of courtesy.

The person who hasn't been reading the thread is you. I have asked you to explain how your expertise as a music student equips you to be better informed about how to teach instruments. Never have I said you are a music teacher.

You have been obtuse and provocative to numerous people on this thread, and are stonewalling when given opportunities to evidence your assertions. I have asked you a direct question. The ball is in your court to respond.

GlastoNinja · 15/09/2025 16:00

I think the point @Booneymil is that people have repeatedly posted links to safeguarding guidance which is more balanced than what you’re saying English (possibly British) schools are using and you’re saying it’s wrong. You’ve been asked repeatedly to post links to what you’re referring to, and haven’t / can’t.

UndoneProgress · 15/09/2025 16:00

CapriceDeDieux · 15/09/2025 15:58

Attempt no. 2
https://www.gov.uk/government/news/school-discipline-new-guidance-for-teachers

Schools should not have a ‘no touch’ policy. It is often necessary or desirable for a teacher to touch a child (e.g. dealing with accidents or teaching musical instruments).

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I suspect you are wasting your time. Many people have posted links. But that poster is unable to post a link to her ‘national guidance’ re no touching.

I don’t know why she just can’t graciously admit that the rules in her school are different to some other schools and leave it at that.

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 16:00

neverbeenskiing · 15/09/2025 15:41

Your side only makes sense if you ignore safeguarding legislation, multi-agency child protection processes and accepted definitions of language.

So are you ever going to link to the national guidance that you mentioned upthread which states all school staff are forbidden from making physical contact with pupils?

Also still really interested to know which training provider it was who told you that the way physical abuse is currently defined in UK law is wrong and that anyone who touches a child for any reason is guilt of abuse.

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You are completely wrong and this thread is sick and weird. I can't believe that i am one of the of the only adults on this thread saying that children should not be touched by adults.

It is disgusting

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/09/2025 16:01

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 15:45

We're back. Sorry to some posters but there were no police circling, no SS to haul away the children, he's not barred from the premises and isn't officially barred from school trips (although I would fully expect him to not be needed if he offered. He won't).
Mom was suitably furious, DH suitably sorry, Head Teacher suitably humiliating (not a criticism, I think it's a far better approach than direct antagonism). He apologised to the child with their mother and teacher present at the parents request (i wasnt sure if we should approach or not).
Obviously they could still report it to the Police but it seems unlikely given what has been said all around.

I'm suitably humiliated that I'm going to the THAT woman of THAT man who did THAT THING. Suitably concerned that either parent are going to make life difficult at drop off / pick up esp given she hangs out with one of DS's peers mothers.

My only concern now is that is doesn't impact on DS and he doesn't suffer any bullying from it.

Thank you for those who have offered a levelled response and understanding that sometimes people fuck up

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Hi OP

Whilst I’ve said I didn’t think it was appropriate for your husband to tap the child, I can’t think it’ll be remembered for more than 5 mins.

The head had to deal with it because it was an incident but everyone will move past it soon enough I’m sure

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 16:02

GlastoNinja · 15/09/2025 16:00

I think the point @Booneymil is that people have repeatedly posted links to safeguarding guidance which is more balanced than what you’re saying English (possibly British) schools are using and you’re saying it’s wrong. You’ve been asked repeatedly to post links to what you’re referring to, and haven’t / can’t.

I'm not posting links because i am on holiday this week
and i can't see any work/training materials from my holiday location

I cannot access the training materials. Ask me next week when i am back at work, and I will be able to.

Original poster

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 16:04

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 15:34

I would rather be on the side of
"children should NOT be touched by strange adults"

Then on the side of "children should be touched by strange adults".

My side makes more sense.

Edited

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But, my DH notwithstanding, we're talking about adults responsible for their care. The teacher, TA, Scout Leader etc. Not a stranger.

But even with strangers it needs context

I was at soft pla. Crying child. Clearly lost their adult. I spoke to them and held their hand so we could walk around looking for their adult. Found their adult. Had their adult started going on about me abusing their child is have assumed they needed MH support.

OP posts:

DrPrunesqualer · 15/09/2025 16:04

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 15:45

We're back. Sorry to some posters but there were no police circling, no SS to haul away the children, he's not barred from the premises and isn't officially barred from school trips (although I would fully expect him to not be needed if he offered. He won't).
Mom was suitably furious, DH suitably sorry, Head Teacher suitably humiliating (not a criticism, I think it's a far better approach than direct antagonism). He apologised to the child with their mother and teacher present at the parents request (i wasnt sure if we should approach or not).
Obviously they could still report it to the Police but it seems unlikely given what has been said all around.

I'm suitably humiliated that I'm going to the THAT woman of THAT man who did THAT THING. Suitably concerned that either parent are going to make life difficult at drop off / pick up esp given she hangs out with one of DS's peers mothers.

My only concern now is that is doesn't impact on DS and he doesn't suffer any bullying from it.

Thank you for those who have offered a levelled response and understanding that sometimes people fuck up

Show quote history

So we’ve heard how dh was dealt with
Was there any discussion on guidance for the kid in terms of appropriate behaviour on a school trip. Will the parents need to attend in future to keep them under control.
Or anything at all ??

GlastoNinja · 15/09/2025 16:04

What’s your response to the many links that people have shared, saying touching isn’t banned in the school setting? It’s not just random people saying this, it’s official documentation

Edited to say that’s to @ Booneymill

Ratafia · 15/09/2025 16:05

OnePinkButter · 15/09/2025 13:15

I’ve been on lots of school trips.
I’ve had to tell kids off when they’re misbehaving. Including kids right in front of me on the coach. I’ve swapped kids around cause they egg each other on and just better to separate.

I’ve never once touched a child to get their attention. I wouldn’t say there’s anything wrong with this, I’d touch their arm etc if I needed to get their attention and was struggling. A tap on the head is such a weird thing to do. I think it probably was a little slap - tapping on the head to get attention doesn’t even sound like a thing a person would do. Though slapping them is, though obviously wrong. It’s much more plausible. It’s just too weird to tap someone on head.

I’ve seen grandparents on trips and they manage not to fall asleep on the coach despite their old age. It all reflects very badly on him. It looks like in his very entitled manner he fell asleep, then woke with a start and slapped a girl on the head for being naughty / mucking around. It’s certainly the most plausible scenario.

I doubt they’ll ban you , but I expect he won’t be permitted on school trips or allowed on school grounds.

Edited

Must admit I'm laughing at the concept of someone falling asleep in a "very entitled manner". How can you be "entitled" about a normal physiological and largely involuntary reaction to being tired which happens to, well, virtually everyone? If I fall asleep next time I flog up on the 200 mile coach journey to my in-laws, will I be being entitled?

Original poster

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 16:08

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/09/2025 16:01

Hi OP

Whilst I’ve said I didn’t think it was appropriate for your husband to tap the child, I can’t think it’ll be remembered for more than 5 mins.

The head had to deal with it because it was an incident but everyone will move past it soon enough I’m sure

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My friend is in the child's class so hopefully if something is being said I'll know
Not to approach the Mom, DH is beyond unconfrintational which is why I guess I was worried about Dad turning up (I don't know the family but we do school in an area the mothers have certainly set-to in the school yard before) and I'm more likely to cry then anything else 🙄🙄 .

The whole day has just been so utterly humiliating

OP posts:

DrPrunesqualer · 15/09/2025 16:10

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 16:00

You are completely wrong and this thread is sick and weird. I can't believe that i am one of the of the only adults on this thread saying that children should not be touched by adults.

It is disgusting

Edited

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Your understanding is very black and white

Its clear from the many professionals who have posted here and the links that your understanding is incorrect

I hope you enjoy a good rest on your holiday and I’m sure @GlastoNinja will be back to remind you of that info that all the teachers on here,I’m sure, would love to see

StillTryingtoBuy · 15/09/2025 16:10

DrPrunesqualer · 15/09/2025 16:04

So we’ve heard how dh was dealt with
Was there any discussion on guidance for the kid in terms of appropriate behaviour on a school trip. Will the parents need to attend in future to keep them under control.
Or anything at all ??

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Of course not, the child’s behaviour was badly managed - the OP’s DH had to flag to a teacher so they could deal with it appropriately and failed to do so.

DramaLlamacchiato · 15/09/2025 16:12

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 12:24

And I'm thinking now what if she embellished and adds fabrication to what happened because frankly whilst most kids wouldn't, I work with kids. Some would. Fuck. If she's emotional and telling her parents and they're asking leading questions she could tell them anything and our lives would be ruined because he's an idiot.

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Come on now. Your lives aren’t going to be ruined because your husband (a parent so not there in a safeguarding role)tapped a child on the head on a school trip. Give over.

IdaGlossop · 15/09/2025 16:12

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 16:08

My friend is in the child's class so hopefully if something is being said I'll know
Not to approach the Mom, DH is beyond unconfrintational which is why I guess I was worried about Dad turning up (I don't know the family but we do school in an area the mothers have certainly set-to in the school yard before) and I'm more likely to cry then anything else 🙄🙄 .

The whole day has just been so utterly humiliating

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@ToddlerIs2 I am sure lots of us are imagining just how you feel at the moment. Remember schools are busy all the time. Tomorrow, this will seem much smaller than it does today and the head will be onto something new.