Husband touched a kid to reprimand them on school trip

[ToddlerIs2]

Husband went on school ltrip with yr 6 dc as our DC"s 121 so only responsible for him. Yr 4 girl in front was being annoying all journey. Husband asked her to stop several times. He dozed off and she banged the seats again (so banding onto her knee) and he lent over and tapped her on the head and told her to stop. Off the coach the teacher spoke to him and he said sorry, didn't think etc. now head wants to see him. What's the likely consequences? We have a lot going on and I'm not holding it all together very well so at home so don't know how irrational I am. He's never smacked out kids so I know it won't have been a smack to the head etc and it was only when she got off she told the teacher. I'm absolutely fuming because how did he forget to never touch someone else's child? And obviously there's an angry parent there that there's a grown man who's touched their daughter so school will probably have to make an example of him. Any ideas what's likely to happen?

Agree
This is perfectly normal as any music teacher or parent of a Musical kid will know.
My kids aren’t dispraxic but were still shown how to hold etc an instrument. Piano, sax, viola, clarinet so not just one music teacher ….correct positioning of the hands is crucial ( arching for piano etc )
This also includes arm movement learning to swim, play golf, rifle practice and fencing etc.

I think the OP was worried that it could somehow get back to her husband’s employer and he would lose his job. I think she was catastrophising though.

I have had a lot of music lessons, my teachers have never touched me

Very weird

I would agree that's not good form, but you are continuing to post incorrect information on this thread.
Maybe you should report yourself?

Yes. I do. I'm a specialist paediatric nurse (so a 3 year degree with extensive safeguarding modules built in, on top of clinical practice wherein we saw a lot of safeguarding in different paediatric settings), and with additional, masters level training and extensive professional experience in working with children and families in all aspects of safeguarding and child protection policies, including working with and in schools.

To clarify, you can disagree with posters who quote references all you like, but it doesn't mean you're right. This is a direct quote from the Department for Educations "Keeping Children Safe in Education" document. (Just in case you didn't recognise the KCSIE acronym a PP used)

"164. The department believes that the adoption of a ‘no contact’ policy at a school
or college can leave staff unable to fully support and protect their pupils and
students. The department therefore encourages principals, governing bodies, and
proprietors to adopt sensible policies, which allow and support their staff to make
appropriate physical contact. The decision on whether or not to use ‘reasonable
force’ to control or restrain a child is down to the professional judgement of the staff
concerned within the context of the law and should always depend on individual
circumstances."

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/68add931969253904d155860/Keepingchildrensafeineducationfrom1September2025.pdf

Point 164. Page 46. Just to save you scrolling.

Feel free to share links to your blanket UK all school guidance that forbids you from touching any child in any school (secondary or otherwise), though.

Then I'm not sure why He, OP or anyone cares.

There is every need for the violin teacher to touch her daughter. It is recognised in music education that there is a particular challenge when it comes to safeguarding, precisely because in order to teach some instruments, including the violin, you need to touch the student. How ever could you possibly position a pupil's face and hands on the violin without touching their head and arms? NB I am a former safeguarding lead for a youth music education charity so I do know about this.

Tapped on the head? I think people say the word tapped to try underestimate what they did, which is hit. Because they think the word hit sounds too harsh. But tapped sounds less offensive. I’ve heard parents saying that before - I just tapped them.

If he did this naturally to someone else’s child, it sounds like he “taps” his own children.

How old is he that he finds that natural to do? Years ago it might have been natural, not so much now.

She might have been acting like a brat but to hit someone else’s child on the head is not on.

True!

It isn't weird atall. Perhaps it depends on the instrument but I know with wind and brass its common

'How ever could you possibly position a pupil's face and hands on the violin without touching their head and arms?"

By telling them.

As I already wrote, i did a lot of music lessons. My teachers never ONCE touched me.

It’s very easy for me to say calm down and stop overthinking because in the circumstances I’d be exactly the same as you. However, I’m a teacher and my experience would be the teacher speaking to him would have been the end of it, had parents not then complained. I imagine the head has placated them by saying she’ll have a stern word with your husband. BUT there’s no way this meets the threshold for police or social services so nobody is losing their job etc! If either of these services were being called, they’d be on your doorstep by now, they wouldn’t be pre-warning him through a meeting with the head teacher. Your husband will just have to go in, suck it up, agree he was in the wrong and apologise.
Whilst I understand he shouldn’t have touched her, it does seem to be a mountain out of a molehill if all he did was tap her head to get her attention… where was the adult who was supposed to be supervising her while she was ramming her seat into his knees? Not doing their job obviously. Are they being spoken to because I doubt it? I also wonder what ‘training’ your husband given as a parent helper? Perhaps the school should be looking at that too.
I’m not making any excuses for your husband. He shouldn’t have touched her but he knows that. This does all seem to be a bit OTT to me but as I said, I’d guess it’s to placate the other parents. Not a nice situation for you but please don’t stress too much.

It's you who are unreal.

The kid wasn't bothered about the tapping on the head. She was bothered about being told off for her behaviour and knew she'd get a huge reaction by telling on him for the head tapping.
This is how shit behaviour wins so often ffs.

Ah yes, you aren’t meant to cross reference info. Hopefully they will delete the comment. Apologies for that.

I would rather be on the side of
"children should NOT be touched by strange adults"

Then on the side of "children should be touched by strange adults".

My side makes more sense.

Yes agree with you. Jeez, people nowadays. I'd be angry with my own child too. A light tap when sitting behind on a coach is not that strange, I don't think, if a verbal warning has not helped.

You are obviously determined to be right about this too, aren't you? Now here's another question for you. How come, if you can teach music without touching pupils, do hundreds of music teachers across the country touch their pupils when teaching positioning, rather than adopting your approach, as a non music teacher, of describing to them how to position themselves?

I know someone who had been a primary school teacher for 35 years. She was trying to get a recalcitrant boy to line up, and put her hands on his shoulders and went “choo choo!!” (train noise) guiding him along. The next thing she knew was being summoned to the head as the boys’ parents were claiming assault and had called the police. She just quit. She said it was a horrible end to a career she had loved.

This!

I’m a teacher, we definitely aren’t fired for touching children! Hugs, high fives, holding hands for certain children to move between areas etc are all normal, particularly with the younger year groups. I have had multiple children in my class over the year where “positive touch” is written in their EHCPs as a calming technique.

I wouldn’t expect the police to be interested in this. The head will likely gather a statement from your husband for their records. It is possible he may be given a school site ban and will not be allowed on future trips.

At home of course not, but he was there 1 to 1 with your DS so presumably there’s a need? Not the point of my post anyway.
I’m saying don’t get into a panic reading some of these responses. People get a bit hysterical.

You are have repeatedly stated that any teacher (not a stranger) who touches any child would be instantly sacked. You have been told by working teachers that that is patently untrue but continue to insist it is.

I am completely non-plussed by all of this. I have a child younger than Y4 and if their teacher called me with this story, my reaction would be to tell my child off for deliberately (physically) annoying someone to try to get a reaction. It's silly kids stuff, of course, but not nice or polite and needs nipping in the bud.

The phrase, "well, you were looking for a reaction and you got one (and you're lucky that was the only reaction you got)" would probably be used.

What a fuss about nothing.

Never had an SEN child under your care try to stab another with a pair of scissors, do a runner, or stab their own hand with a pencil to see what happens? That's fucking lucky for you!

If you were walking next to a child having a horseriding lesson, and the child wobbled towards you, would you step out of the way so that they can fall without touching you?

I can only assume that you work somewhere where other adults are always the ones actually in charge of the children, and that you've had such sweeping statement safeguarding advice because your role is in fact to stay the hell away from children.