Page 22 | Husband touched a kid to reprimand them on school trip

ToddlerIs2 · 2025-09-15T10:25:26+00:00

Husband went on school ltrip with yr 6 dc as our DC"s 121 so only responsible for him. Yr 4 girl in front was being annoying all journey. Husband asked her to stop several times. He dozed off and she banged the seats again (so banding onto her knee) and he lent over and tapped her on the head and told her to stop. Off the coach the teacher spoke to him and he said sorry, didn't think etc. now head wants to see him. What's the likely consequences? We have a lot going on and I'm not holding it all together very well so at home so don't know how irrational I am. He's never smacked out kids so I know it won't have been a smack to the head etc and it was only when she got off she told the teacher. I'm absolutely fuming because how did he forget to never touch someone else's child? And obviously there's an angry parent there that there's a grown man who's touched their daughter so school will probably have to make an example of him. Any ideas what's likely to happen?

neverbeenskiing · 15/09/2025 14:49

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 14:31

"Absolute twaddle that there are national guidelines that teachers should be sacked for hugging a child"

Are you for real? I am actually worried that you do not know this.

Even though teachera have come on this thread and said that there is a no touch policy in their school.

You are still saying that they are wrong?

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There may be a no touch policy at their individual schools, but there is no such thing as a national statutory guideline stating that school staff must not make any physical contact with children.

I work with EYFS and primary age children and such a blanket policy would be completely unworkable in our settings. We have children who need assistance with all aspects of their personal care, children who need to be taken by the hand when moving around school or they will run off, not to mention children who constantly need help with buttons, zips, shoes, tying hair back etc. We also have children who become so emotionally dysregulated due to their additional needs that sometimes, as a last resort we have to use Team Teach 'postive handling' techniques in order to keep them safe. Safety considerations aside, our staff will absolutely accept a hug or a high 5 from a child who initiates it, as long as there is someone else in the room at the time. This is not even remotely unusual in early years and primary settings, and it does not contravene any guidance I have ever seen either from our LA or nationally.

What is not acceptable is any form of physical chastisement (physical contact used to reprimand the child or correct behaviour) even if it is just a "tap".

MistressIggi · 15/09/2025 14:50

StillTryingtoBuy · 15/09/2025 14:47

Maybe because the “behaviour” was minor or at the very least quiet so only those immediately around the child were aware? A teacher did speak to the OPs DH about it though, when they got off the bus.

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Bit late though!

Lolapusht · 15/09/2025 14:50

MsHavisham2025 · 15/09/2025 14:45

You are lucky it wasn’t my child OP…

Firstly I’d have reported your DH to the school, then social services and the police.

Next I’d report him to the DVLA to have his driving licence revoked, then I’d contact the RSPCA so you could never own any pets.

I’d report you to the BBC for not having tv licence and report any Facebook or other social media accounts both you and your DH have.

After I’d finished my reporting spree I’d put a spell on your DH and sell my poor distraught victim child’s story to the media. When I’d done all this I’d probably feel this was a proportional response to his crime for the time being but I can’t guarantee I’d just let it drop.

It was terrible behaviour for your DH to fall asleep supervising children in a moving vehicle then beating one just for looking at him. I’m sure you know that and that’s why you are reacting the way you are, I hope you LTB.

I feel like this is the reply this thread was building up to with some of these dramatic comments 😂.

Thank GOD you said what we were all thinking!

😂😂😂

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 14:50

Qwickwit · 15/09/2025 14:48

Granted, others mentioned prosecution, but you did explicitly state "why else would the head call him in if it wasn't abuse". But it's not abuse, not even remotely close. It's not even a grey area. It wasn't necessarily a good idea, or perhaps even necessary, but to call it abuse is frankly, utterly Batshit.

I know you work in a school, and have done your course, as you've told us, but it's laughable that you think you can detect who hasn't had safeguarding training based on who agrees or disagrees with you. I can guarantee I have had more safeguarding training and direct experience with genuine abuse and safeguarding cases than you have, and I still think you're wrong.

And all your comments about being fired if you were to hug a distressed child are either hyperbole or reflective of a school/DSL writing policies to cover their own back rather than prioritising child safety. The primary aim of safeguarding is to protect children from harm, including psychological and emotional harm. Denying a distressed reception/KS1 child from a reassuring arm around the shoulder/side hug if that is their preference is going to do them far more harm than a measured, considered approach to physical contact, and such policy would only be written in such a way if the schools priority was protecting themselves. It's perfectly possible to write a "safe touch" policy, and indeed most schools I have come across have done so. Obviously physical comfort becomes less as they get older, as part of school education is learning what is and isn't appropriate in professional settings as they prepare to enter the working world, but to suggest once they cross the threshold from nursery into school, or reach compulsory school age that it's automatically unacceptable to touch them discredits any legitimate points you may have raised, tbh 🤷🏼‍♀️

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It IS abuse.

Touching a child is abuse. And you are naiive to think it isnt

The training that i received is not school specific. I was sent on national training that covers schools in all of England

UndoneProgress · 15/09/2025 14:50

I have tried to research hugging in schools. There has never been any blanket England ban it seems. That poster is incorrectly extrapolating her school’s rules (if true) to the whole country.

Looks like there is some more guidance coming up about reasonable force and contact.

schoolsweek.co.uk/reasonable-force-reporting-requirement-what-schools-need-to-know/

Examples of where contact is “generally” appropriate include giving first aid, guiding or escorting pupils, comforting those in distress, praising them with a pat on the back or a handshake, demonstrating the use of musical instruments or exercises during PE.

Whatafustercluck · 15/09/2025 14:51

StillTryingtoBuy · 15/09/2025 14:13

Language is important, and revealing. People don’t tap other people’s heads to get their attention. People, sadly, do “tap” children’s heads to reprimand them. I’m not at all suggesting any type of violet assault but think it likely that it wasn’t a very kind action from OP’s DH, and when irritated with a child, one should be even more careful about “tapping” them to get their attention.

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They may do if they're sitting behind the child in a vehicle and don't know their name by virtue that they're not the child's teacher or TA. In fact, I can picture it happening in that way in these circumstances. Which the op appears to have clarified was the case.

IdaGlossop · 15/09/2025 14:51

MsHavisham2025 · 15/09/2025 14:45

You are lucky it wasn’t my child OP…

Firstly I’d have reported your DH to the school, then social services and the police.

Next I’d report him to the DVLA to have his driving licence revoked, then I’d contact the RSPCA so you could never own any pets.

I’d report you to the BBC for not having tv licence and report any Facebook or other social media accounts both you and your DH have.

After I’d finished my reporting spree I’d put a spell on your DH and sell my poor distraught victim child’s story to the media. When I’d done all this I’d probably feel this was a proportional response to his crime for the time being but I can’t guarantee I’d just let it drop.

It was terrible behaviour for your DH to fall asleep supervising children in a moving vehicle then beating one just for looking at him. I’m sure you know that and that’s why you are reacting the way you are, I hope you LTB.

I feel like this is the reply this thread was building up to with some of these dramatic comments 😂.

You've forgotten about his passport. Confiscate it! Why should a criminal like this be allowed out of the country?

UndoneProgress · 15/09/2025 14:52

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 14:50

It IS abuse.

Touching a child is abuse. And you are naiive to think it isnt

The training that i received is not school specific. I was sent on national training that covers schools in all of England

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You are a classic example of someone who has had a bit of knowledge and training and is acting like an expert. Generally some humility is useful. I find that the more experienced and educated people are, the more they will admit to doubt and grey areas.

Notabikerchick · 15/09/2025 14:54

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 12:01

It's an hour to work. If I made him do drop off at 850 he'd be in work for 10, and leave at 2 for 3pm pick up. Unfortunately I'm going to have to face school alone and hope I don't lose friends. I think there's posters on here who would definitely not association with me again if they knew who I was.

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What a ‘me, me, me’, ridiculous overreaction!

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 14:54

UndoneProgress · 15/09/2025 14:52

You are a classic example of someone who has had a bit of knowledge and training and is acting like an expert. Generally some humility is useful. I find that the more experienced and educated people are, the more they will admit to doubt and grey areas.

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Do you work with young people?

What is your training and expertise?

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 14:55

UndoneProgress · 15/09/2025 14:52

You are a classic example of someone who has had a bit of knowledge and training and is acting like an expert. Generally some humility is useful. I find that the more experienced and educated people are, the more they will admit to doubt and grey areas.

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You can't have a grey area in a school. You will be fired! There is no grey area!

I cant believe some people on here

MistressIggi · 15/09/2025 14:56

Every single reception teacher would be fired then

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/09/2025 14:56

DrPrunesqualer · 15/09/2025 14:00

Read OPs posts.
She wasn’t just looking at him. She was being disruptive deliberately and looking back for a reaction.
She sounds like she’s the sort of kid that needs an adult their to stop her being deliberately disruptive
If I was the head I’d insist on that in future trips

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Sometimes I think people on here hate children! Or just little girls perhaps?

No child needs a man sat behind them tapping them on the head.

UndoneProgress · 15/09/2025 14:59

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 14:54

Do you work with young people?

What is your training and expertise?

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No, I do not work directly with young people. I do however liaise with social services and child and adolescent mental health services. I am a consultant psychiatrist in the NHS and know about issues pertaining to mental health. Though I am always learning and guidelines are always changing.

I don’t pretend to be an expert in school safeguarding. I have however spent some time looking online at government guidelines, and cannot find the blanket national ban on touching children of which you speak so confidently. Perhaps it’s time for you to link to the national guidance.

neverbeenskiing · 15/09/2025 15:00

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 14:50

It IS abuse.

Touching a child is abuse. And you are naiive to think it isnt

The training that i received is not school specific. I was sent on national training that covers schools in all of England

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Who on earth was the training provider? What is this "national training that covers all schools in england" and who delivers it?

KCSIE 2025 defines physical abuse as "the intentional use of force that causes a child to suffer injury or trauma. This can include a range of actions, such as hitting, pinching, slapping, shaking, throwing, burning, poisoning, drowning, or suffocating a child. "
It is categorically untrue that anyone who touches a child for any reason is automatically guilty of abuse. Whoever delivered your safeguarding, if they honestly told you that, then they are not fit for purpose and it is very concerning.

MistressIggi · 15/09/2025 15:00

Admittedly this school principal is in America, but someone needs to report him
High fiving principal

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DF8mYVCSQ--/?igsh=MXFtOGR2aDRmZTllNA==

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/09/2025 15:00

PS I’m not saying it’s abuse or that anything extreme should or will happen

I’m just saying it wasn’t appropriate and someone at the school should have a word. Which it sounds like is what’s going to happen.

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 15:00

MistressIggi · 15/09/2025 14:56

Every single reception teacher would be fired then

I work in secondary. Early years and nursery have different guidlines to secondary. You should know this

bruffin · 15/09/2025 15:01

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/09/2025 14:56

Sometimes I think people on here hate children! Or just little girls perhaps?

No child needs a man sat behind them tapping them on the head.

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No person needs a child deliberately bouncing the chair into their knees, especially when they have been told several times to stop.

DrPrunesqualer · 15/09/2025 15:01

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/09/2025 14:56

Sometimes I think people on here hate children! Or just little girls perhaps?

No child needs a man sat behind them tapping them on the head.

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That’s not hating children that’s just recognising that some are disruptive and need closer monitoring.

Qwickwit · 15/09/2025 15:02

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 14:50

It IS abuse.

Touching a child is abuse. And you are naiive to think it isnt

The training that i received is not school specific. I was sent on national training that covers schools in all of England

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I genuinely can't work out if you genuinely believe what you are saying or just trying to provoke outrage now.

"Touching a child is abuse" ?! Have a word with yourself. And then maybe ask your schools DSL to send you on your "national training for all schools in England" again, and pay a bit more attention this time.

UndoneProgress · 15/09/2025 15:02

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 15:00

I work in secondary. Early years and nursery have different guidlines to secondary. You should know this

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Honestly, you are embarrassing yourself now.

MistressIggi · 15/09/2025 15:02

You've just made the blanket statement that touching is abuse. I didn't notice any caveats.
Plus, you work in a boarding school (private?) so again not everyone's situation.
And definitely not the situation of the OP

Mumstheword1983 · 15/09/2025 15:03

Can't believe some of the posts on here. I work in a school and I have 4 children in school. My youngest daughter hugs her teacher and PA at the end of every term. I also take a distressed child's hand if needs be to calm them down etc to say you can never touch a child is insane. Common sense and experience is all that is required. I realise I'm derailing here but I've had more safeguarding training that I can remember and there are some extreme responses on here. I also on a regular basis fix ponytails, tend to injuries (not first aid just in general).

OP I hope this results in a positive and sensible outcome for all.

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 15:03

neverbeenskiing · 15/09/2025 15:00

Who on earth was the training provider? What is this "national training that covers all schools in england" and who delivers it?

KCSIE 2025 defines physical abuse as "the intentional use of force that causes a child to suffer injury or trauma. This can include a range of actions, such as hitting, pinching, slapping, shaking, throwing, burning, poisoning, drowning, or suffocating a child. "
It is categorically untrue that anyone who touches a child for any reason is automatically guilty of abuse. Whoever delivered your safeguarding, if they honestly told you that, then they are not fit for purpose and it is very concerning.

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No. You are very, very wrong.

Do you work with young people?