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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband touched a kid to reprimand them on school trip

792 replies

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 11:25

Husband went on school ltrip with yr 6 dc as our DC"s 121 so only responsible for him. Yr 4 girl in front was being annoying all journey. Husband asked her to stop several times. He dozed off and she banged the seats again (so banding onto her knee) and he lent over and tapped her on the head and told her to stop. Off the coach the teacher spoke to him and he said sorry, didn't think etc. now head wants to see him. What's the likely consequences? We have a lot going on and I'm not holding it all together very well so at home so don't know how irrational I am. He's never smacked out kids so I know it won't have been a smack to the head etc and it was only when she got off she told the teacher. I'm absolutely fuming because how did he forget to never touch someone else's child? And obviously there's an angry parent there that there's a grown man who's touched their daughter so school will probably have to make an example of him. Any ideas what's likely to happen?

OP posts:
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MistressIggi · 15/09/2025 14:37

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 14:33

I am not a teacher.
Plenty of people, other than teachers, work in schools. Obviously you know this, from working in a school.

So you won't be in the same position as a teacher in terms of potential physical contact then, will you?
Primary schools are different, children are a lot less independent and the chance of some physical contact is higher. Of course we have to watch out for anything untoward so I suppose a blanket rule is one way to avoid this. If teachers have been fired for doing what the OP's dh did, I'm amazed the school hasn't ended up in tribunals.

CaptainMyCaptain · 15/09/2025 14:37

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 14:37

Yes we did.

So what is your problem?

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 14:38

DrPrunesqualer · 15/09/2025 14:34

Schools have just started back. Or are u in another country

I am in the UK. I can take annual leave at any time of the year.

MaidOfSteel · 15/09/2025 14:38

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 11:48

Would you push for the police to prosecute him for child abuse / assault or whatever the charge is?

I’m sorry, but anyone thinking this is abuse totally devalues actual abuse. What the hell is going on in this country that we’ve ended up like this.

Neemie · 15/09/2025 14:38

If it was genuinely a tap on the head then nothing will happen except he probably won’t be able to accompany any more trips because of all the hassle caused by this.

Lolapusht · 15/09/2025 14:39

A lot of people here need a MASSIVE “You ok hun?” 😳

What in the holy Hell is wrong with people?! He didn’t assault anyone. Tapping a child on the head with one finger to get their attention is not ideal (primarily because you’ll get the sort of hysterical accusations being ruled around here), but it’s not assault.

Has it occurred to any of you saying it’s a police matter and physical abuse, that this incident took place on a full bus so it’s highly likely that any behaviour meeting the legal requirements for “assault” would have been witnessed by one of the teachers on the trip and would have been stopped??

Nodding off while on a bus is entirely normal. Again, not ideal but understandable. I almost did it the last time I was on a school trip, but didn’t due to having to intervene in the appalling behaviour of the children next to me. Anyone want to take bets on how many times the girl had been banging her seat? Twice? 10 times? Incredibly irritating and shouldn’t have happened after one or two tellings.

OP, try not to spiral. You don’t know what is going to happen until you’ve spoken to the head but it absolutely won’t (or shouldn’t. If it does we are all lost!) result in police involvement.

CrispieCake · 15/09/2025 14:40

It was unwise of him. And he might think it's no big deal (and it isn't really) but unfamiliar adults are sometimes a bit intimidating to kids and so you really do need to take extra care in how you interact with other people's children. However, doesn't sound as if anything will come of it (apart from you maybe having to do the trips in future) and he'll know better going forward.

I'm not sure about this nonsense about never, ever touching other people's kids though. I've done lots of playdates for my DC and helped a lot with childcare for various children who we know, and of course while I'm not hugging them inappropriately or anything like that, a certain amount of physical contact is unavoidable. Holding the hands of children who are silly next to busy roads, catching them or helping them down when they climb too high at playgrounds, boosting them up when they want to walk on walls, holding their hands to help them balance, shepherding them on and off buses and trains, helping their parents carry them out at the end of playdates and, on one memorable occasion, physically taking a pair of scissors from a boy who decided that he wanted to cut his little sister's hair (who I was also looking after).

Sassylovesbooks · 15/09/2025 14:40

As a parent helper or an employee of a school, you can't tap a child on the head. I suspect the Head will tell your husband that he will no longer be allowed to chaperone your son, on any trips. At worst the parents of the child, could report your husband to the police. Working with children, means you have to be careful what you say and what you do. Your husband may have reacted on instinct, to someone being annoying, but I'm afraid 'having a lot on', isn't going to wash with the school. Be prepared to have to find an alternative person to accompany your son on future trips (if you aren't able too).

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 14:41

CaptainMyCaptain · 15/09/2025 14:37

So what is your problem?

Jesus fucking christ
I was replying to the people who were attacking me
I wrote that i work in a secondary school.

They said to me "its fine to give hugs in school." They know i work in a secondary school. I said , "no.its not. Were you hugged in secondary school".

What is your problem?

DrPrunesqualer · 15/09/2025 14:41

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 14:38

I am in the UK. I can take annual leave at any time of the year.

Are you at a college / university or something and work through the summer because it’s unusual not to have to take your leave when the school is closed

just noticed you work in a secondary school.

Bumblebee72 · 15/09/2025 14:42

Sassylovesbooks · 15/09/2025 14:40

As a parent helper or an employee of a school, you can't tap a child on the head. I suspect the Head will tell your husband that he will no longer be allowed to chaperone your son, on any trips. At worst the parents of the child, could report your husband to the police. Working with children, means you have to be careful what you say and what you do. Your husband may have reacted on instinct, to someone being annoying, but I'm afraid 'having a lot on', isn't going to wash with the school. Be prepared to have to find an alternative person to accompany your son on future trips (if you aren't able too).

Finding people to act as 1-2-1 for children that need it is the schools responsibility. They will need to send at TA.

MistressIggi · 15/09/2025 14:44

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 14:38

I am in the UK. I can take annual leave at any time of the year.

Bet you're wishing you're just gone into work today! 💐

MsHavisham2025 · 15/09/2025 14:45

You are lucky it wasn’t my child OP…

Firstly I’d have reported your DH to the school, then social services and the police.

Next I’d report him to the DVLA to have his driving licence revoked, then I’d contact the RSPCA so you could never own any pets.

I’d report you to the BBC for not having tv licence and report any Facebook or other social media accounts both you and your DH have.

After I’d finished my reporting spree I’d put a spell on your DH and sell my poor distraught victim child’s story to the media. When I’d done all this I’d probably feel this was a proportional response to his crime for the time being but I can’t guarantee I’d just let it drop.

It was terrible behaviour for your DH to fall asleep supervising children in a moving vehicle then beating one just for looking at him. I’m sure you know that and that’s why you are reacting the way you are, I hope you LTB.

I feel like this is the reply this thread was building up to with some of these dramatic comments 😂.

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 14:45

DrPrunesqualer · 15/09/2025 14:41

Are you at a college / university or something and work through the summer because it’s unusual not to have to take your leave when the school is closed

just noticed you work in a secondary school.

Edited

What?

It is not unusual at all to take annual leave throughout the school year.

Our Student services officer is gone on holiday to Spain this week.

Our Head of Boarding is going on holiday to italy next month.

Our Finance assistant is going on holiday to croatia next month

There are many non - teaching roles working in schools. Im sure you know that

MistressIggi · 15/09/2025 14:45

I wonder who reported it - did the teacher who spoke to him see it themselves, or did the child pass this on? If the teacher, you'd kind of wonder why they didn't step in about the behaviour themselves...

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 15/09/2025 14:46

I can't believe people are actually suggesting that police or social services may be involved. Really?

Do you think they have nothing better to do that get involved with someone who tapped a child on the head with a finger when she was misbehaving?
What kind of insane world do you think this is?

Lolapusht · 15/09/2025 14:47

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 14:31

"Absolute twaddle that there are national guidelines that teachers should be sacked for hugging a child"

Are you for real? I am actually worried that you do not know this.

Even though teachera have come on this thread and said that there is a no touch policy in their school.

You are still saying that they are wrong?

I am absolutely for real.

Your comprehension may be getting you into difficulties here as there is a difference between having a no touch policy and a school sacking a teacher for hugging a child, which is what you said would happen.

What on earth did your 3 ex-colleagues do that was better than tapping a child on th head with one finger that got them sacked?? Hope they took them to an employment tribunal.

Do you understand how difficult it is to sack a teacher and the level of misconduct there would have to be before that happened? Nevermind the disciplinary procedures that would have to be followed.

StillTryingtoBuy · 15/09/2025 14:47

MistressIggi · 15/09/2025 14:45

I wonder who reported it - did the teacher who spoke to him see it themselves, or did the child pass this on? If the teacher, you'd kind of wonder why they didn't step in about the behaviour themselves...

Maybe because the “behaviour” was minor or at the very least quiet so only those immediately around the child were aware? A teacher did speak to the OPs DH about it though, when they got off the bus.

Change2banon · 15/09/2025 14:48

notacooldad · 15/09/2025 14:29

Change2banon

notacooldad · Today 14:24
*nocoolnamesleft · Today 11:28
So he went as a supervisor, went to sleep instead of supervising, then hit another child on the head?
No. However that is such an amazing spin that Alistair Campbell would have been proud of it back in the day!!!

Change2banon
Really no need to twist the story🤷‍♀️*
Im assuming you are addressing 'nocoolnamesleft' and not me!!

Apologies, yes! 😳

Sassylovesbooks · 15/09/2025 14:48

Bumblebee72 · 15/09/2025 14:42

Finding people to act as 1-2-1 for children that need it is the schools responsibility. They will need to send at TA.

Yes, it is, in most circumstances. However, a child in my son's secondary school wasn't allowed to go on a school trip, unless either his Mum or Dad went too. I also had to attend school trips with my ex's son, because he had a bowel condition. It depends on why the Dad needed to chaperone his son, and if there's a reason why a TA wasn't suitable.

Rainbows41 · 15/09/2025 14:48

Your husband physically reprimanded someone else's child whilst he was meant to be chaperoning his son.
You say your son needs to be chaperoned for physical reasons, but you don't explain what these are. Does your son have behavioural issues?

With your son's chaperone being asleep, how can he believe that your son wasn't antagonising the girl in front?
A child bouncing their chair does not warrant a telling off. Your husband sounds like he has a short temper. His reaction suggests he is used to physically reprimanding children, regardless of you saying he doesn't hit your kids.
The school can only do so much. They will act on behalf of the school and not allow your husband to chaperone again. The parents on Tue other hand may wish to take the matter further. The ball is completely in their court.

If I was the girls parent, I would be furious. I would be expecting a personal apology, and I would be paying close attention to the children's friendship for any subsequent behaviour issues that may arise between them, as a result of this.

What an idiot he was. I feel for you OP.

Qwickwit · 15/09/2025 14:48

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 12:55

I never said he should be criminally prosecuted.

In my opinion, he will be banned from future school trips. Thats what will probably happen

Granted, others mentioned prosecution, but you did explicitly state "why else would the head call him in if it wasn't abuse". But it's not abuse, not even remotely close. It's not even a grey area. It wasn't necessarily a good idea, or perhaps even necessary, but to call it abuse is frankly, utterly Batshit.

I know you work in a school, and have done your course, as you've told us, but it's laughable that you think you can detect who hasn't had safeguarding training based on who agrees or disagrees with you. I can guarantee I have had more safeguarding training and direct experience with genuine abuse and safeguarding cases than you have, and I still think you're wrong.

And all your comments about being fired if you were to hug a distressed child are either hyperbole or reflective of a school/DSL writing policies to cover their own back rather than prioritising child safety. The primary aim of safeguarding is to protect children from harm, including psychological and emotional harm. Denying a distressed reception/KS1 child from a reassuring arm around the shoulder/side hug if that is their preference is going to do them far more harm than a measured, considered approach to physical contact, and such policy would only be written in such a way if the schools priority was protecting themselves. It's perfectly possible to write a "safe touch" policy, and indeed most schools I have come across have done so. Obviously physical comfort becomes less as they get older, as part of school education is learning what is and isn't appropriate in professional settings as they prepare to enter the working world, but to suggest once they cross the threshold from nursery into school, or reach compulsory school age that it's automatically unacceptable to touch them discredits any legitimate points you may have raised, tbh 🤷🏼‍♀️

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 14:49

Lolapusht · 15/09/2025 14:47

I am absolutely for real.

Your comprehension may be getting you into difficulties here as there is a difference between having a no touch policy and a school sacking a teacher for hugging a child, which is what you said would happen.

What on earth did your 3 ex-colleagues do that was better than tapping a child on th head with one finger that got them sacked?? Hope they took them to an employment tribunal.

Do you understand how difficult it is to sack a teacher and the level of misconduct there would have to be before that happened? Nevermind the disciplinary procedures that would have to be followed.

I already wrote what my three colleagues were sacked for
Go and read the thread

MissMoneyFairy · 15/09/2025 14:49

CaptainMyCaptain · 15/09/2025 14:37

I think the chances of him ever volunteering again are zero.

I'm sure he'll be totally heartbroken

DrPrunesqualer · 15/09/2025 14:49

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 14:45

What?

It is not unusual at all to take annual leave throughout the school year.

Our Student services officer is gone on holiday to Spain this week.

Our Head of Boarding is going on holiday to italy next month.

Our Finance assistant is going on holiday to croatia next month

There are many non - teaching roles working in schools. Im sure you know that

Edited

Yes I do but our schools didn’t allow holidays outside of term time and I see ( after checking) it is not generally accepted unless in exceptional circumstances.

I do see however that as schools are struggling to retain staff some can now do this.

Finance staff at our schools were the exception as they worked through the summer, for example