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AIBU?

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Husband touched a kid to reprimand them on school trip

792 replies

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 11:25

Husband went on school ltrip with yr 6 dc as our DC"s 121 so only responsible for him. Yr 4 girl in front was being annoying all journey. Husband asked her to stop several times. He dozed off and she banged the seats again (so banding onto her knee) and he lent over and tapped her on the head and told her to stop. Off the coach the teacher spoke to him and he said sorry, didn't think etc. now head wants to see him. What's the likely consequences? We have a lot going on and I'm not holding it all together very well so at home so don't know how irrational I am. He's never smacked out kids so I know it won't have been a smack to the head etc and it was only when she got off she told the teacher. I'm absolutely fuming because how did he forget to never touch someone else's child? And obviously there's an angry parent there that there's a grown man who's touched their daughter so school will probably have to make an example of him. Any ideas what's likely to happen?

OP posts:
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8
Dramatic · 15/09/2025 13:31

Bumblebee72 · 15/09/2025 13:27

Absolutely she should not.

I would feel sad for my kids if their teachers weren't ever allowed to show any sort of affection towards them.

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 13:32

Growlybear83 · 15/09/2025 13:28

I completely agree with you. Some of the reactions on this thread to how the OPs husband dealt with this brat are quite bonkers.

I think it is very immature to say it is "bonkers".

If you worked in a school you would know how seriously they take touching children.

People are at risk of losing their career, being fired and potentially being prosecuted if they touch a child in any way

Its taken extemely seriously in schools

Macaroni46 · 15/09/2025 13:32

Bumblebee72 · 15/09/2025 13:26

But it would be some parents reaction which is why only idiots volunteer with kids. Parent gave up a day to help a trip, some other child's little shit messes around, untraining adult then taps childs, then police involvement. No one in their right mind gets involved in this shit if their not paid to.

You make a good point @Bumblebee72 I’m certainly not sorry to have left the teaching profession.

Whatafustercluck · 15/09/2025 13:33

So your dh tapped a child on the head from behind to get their attention, not as a reprimand? If so, this sounds like quite a big storm in a teacup to me. Of course, you only have your dh's word for it, but if it happened as he said it did then I'd think a quick reminder of the rules would be sufficient.

Acafan · 15/09/2025 13:33

Ideally he wouldn't have touched her. But I imagine, the head is trying to get the full version of events, so they can tell the parents that he was touching her to get attention and while not ideal, it doesn't warrant further action.

All the posters saying, teachers cant touch children in schools - it happens all the time in my DCs primary school. Kids being gently steered out of the way, or touched on the arm to get their attention is totally normal. I agree tapping a child on the head wasn't a great choice from a parent on the trip, but it also wasn't unthinkable behaviour.

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 13:33

Dramatic · 15/09/2025 13:31

I would feel sad for my kids if their teachers weren't ever allowed to show any sort of affection towards them.

You are thinking of the kids. Again thats very naive.

The teacher would lose her job if she hugged the kids. Are you happy for her to lose her job?

StillTryingtoBuy · 15/09/2025 13:34

Whatafustercluck · 15/09/2025 13:33

So your dh tapped a child on the head from behind to get their attention, not as a reprimand? If so, this sounds like quite a big storm in a teacup to me. Of course, you only have your dh's word for it, but if it happened as he said it did then I'd think a quick reminder of the rules would be sufficient.

The OP said to reprimand in the first post. Nothing about getting her attention.

DrPrunesqualer · 15/09/2025 13:34

Bumblebee72 · 15/09/2025 13:05

Your husband has learnt the hard way why only idiots volunteer to do things involving other people's children. There is no upside and just risk. Next time the school needs to send a TA to be the 1-2-1 for your child.

I agree with this

CaptainMyCaptain · 15/09/2025 13:35

StillTryingtoBuy · 15/09/2025 13:31

I was replying to someone who called the child in question feral though: “As an adult, you keep the peace, you don't let the feral one ruining the trip for everyone else, literally your job.”

I agree that adults should be keeping the peace. The child in question was not “feral” and tapping someone to reprimand them, which is what OP said happened; is inappropriate.

He didn't tap to reprimand her he tapped to get her attention.

Growlybear83 · 15/09/2025 13:35

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 13:32

I think it is very immature to say it is "bonkers".

If you worked in a school you would know how seriously they take touching children.

People are at risk of losing their career, being fired and potentially being prosecuted if they touch a child in any way

Its taken extemely seriously in schools

I have worked in education for the last 35 years and understand very well the expectations on staff and also used to volunteer to go on several trips each year when my daughter was at primary school. From what the OP has said, her husband touched, not smacked, the head of a brat who was being continuously disruptive. For a previous poster to suggest that the police could be involved is, in my opinion, totally bonkers. The world has gone mad.

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 13:36

Acafan · 15/09/2025 13:33

Ideally he wouldn't have touched her. But I imagine, the head is trying to get the full version of events, so they can tell the parents that he was touching her to get attention and while not ideal, it doesn't warrant further action.

All the posters saying, teachers cant touch children in schools - it happens all the time in my DCs primary school. Kids being gently steered out of the way, or touched on the arm to get their attention is totally normal. I agree tapping a child on the head wasn't a great choice from a parent on the trip, but it also wasn't unthinkable behaviour.

I work with older kids. 12 -16. We are forbidden to touch them in any way. However i used to work in a primary school and we were also not allowed to touch any children.

I guess it depends on how strictly schopls enforce the rules. But best practice advises not to touch children unless it is an emergency

StillTryingtoBuy · 15/09/2025 13:36

CaptainMyCaptain · 15/09/2025 13:35

He didn't tap to reprimand her he tapped to get her attention.

The title of the thread is “Husband touched a kid to reprimand them on school trip” and the original post doesn’t say anything about getting her attention.

FrippEnos · 15/09/2025 13:36

CaptainMyCaptain · 15/09/2025 13:06

Complete nonsense. I taught in School Nurseries and Reception.

Edited

Its not nonsense,
Others have had their careers ruined by complaints for exactly this.

In the 'good old days' when Headteachers had sense they would just give the teacher a telling off, nowadays it is entirely plausible for the HT to escalate is up through the DSL and LADO for inappropriate touching of a child, and yes it could cost the teacher their job.

Catpiece · 15/09/2025 13:36

BeLilacSloth · 15/09/2025 11:40

Hopefully School would have called the Police, absolutely discusting of him to touch another child while supervising.

The police? Don’t you think they’ve got better things to be doing?? It’s spelt disgusting, by the way. HTH

DrPrunesqualer · 15/09/2025 13:37

Macaroni46 · 15/09/2025 13:32

You make a good point @Bumblebee72 I’m certainly not sorry to have left the teaching profession.

I don’t blame you @Macaroni46 it all sounds such a nightmare.

CustardySergeant · 15/09/2025 13:37

StillTryingtoBuy "I agree that adults should be keeping the peace. The child in question was not “feral” and tapping someone to reprimand them, which is what OP said happened; is inappropriate."

I know what the title says, but it looks to me, having read the details, as if that was the abbreviated version of:- 'He tapped her on the head to get her attention before he verbally reprimanded her.'

Dramatic · 15/09/2025 13:37

OctopusFriend · 15/09/2025 13:31

Why do they do that? Sorry, I've never heard of this before.

Really? I thought they were a fairly common thing. It's just a bit of fun for the end of summer term

TheLivelyViper · 15/09/2025 13:37

CaptainMyCaptain · 15/09/2025 12:36

A security guard (in a school?) Shouldn't be socialising with students or be on pupils' Social media so the heart emoji thing shouldnt happen. Teachers shouldn't give lifts to pupils, it would invalidate their insurance apart from anything else.

These examples are quite different to the example in the OP.

Teachers can give students lifts if they are with another member of staff, it doesn't happen often but it can and the rules are just that it has to be 2 members of staff. Emoji reactions cam be on emails too, they are on outlook etc, just saying it's not always social media. Yes happens more with 6th form etc, and female teachers have more leeway, but you can heart a kids email, if it's funny or whatever or it's just them thanking you.

Different schools have different policies, most of the time it's just use judgement, avoid touching but teachers can read social situations, and if a kid is genuinely crying or something, and they hug them, if the student wants that, nothing will happen. Yes be open, but i think teachers can use situational judgement, some schools may have no touching as a rule, even if students are fine with it but some don't. On leavers day etc if a kid is close with a teacher they'll hug them, leave cards etc. You can be professional with judgement and still have friendly emails, nothing wrong with saying your proud of them or will miss them etc obviously some SLTs will set different tones etc, some heads hug students, they are sensible with situations. Well in schools I have had experience eith these are the policies, I know some have different ones which I personally think are OTT, but if within the school OP's children go to those rules work then, then those are their rules.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/09/2025 13:38

I don’t think he should be dozing off on a school trip even if he’s only there as 121 for your own child. It’s just not appropriate.

If the kid was in front of him, she was presumably only making contact with her own seat? The fact that his knee was in contact with her seat was on him - she didn’t have a responsibility to sit still because a grown man wanted to doze undisturbed. Perhaps he should have tried sitting up straight? Perhaps his knee was digging into her back!

Tapping her on the head was wildly inappropriate. Surely every parent knows you don’t make physical contact with other people’s kids on a school trip? Especially as he was only responsible for his own child - so nothing to do with him if she was sitting still or not. I cannot imagine a world where this would be ok. Little girls on a school trip should not have to fear a grown man reaching round and tapping them on the head.

OctopusFriend · 15/09/2025 13:38

Dramatic · 15/09/2025 13:37

Really? I thought they were a fairly common thing. It's just a bit of fun for the end of summer term

Ok. Perhaps it became a thing after mine left primary.

SushiForMe · 15/09/2025 13:38

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 12:44

I don't think he thought oh look, he's a girl, let's abuse her hahahah. And he didn't intend it as a reprimand, he tapped her to get her attention, not to punish her. I accept that doesn't change the fact he touched her but I think it's important for context that he wasn't looking for little girls to hit to get his rocks off.

What I meant was: do you think he would have done the same « tap on head » to an adult male
e, ie someone who could easily turn around and punch him?

LlamaNoDrama · 15/09/2025 13:38

He shouldn't have touched her. However why was he on the trip? If your child needed 1:1 the school should have provided this and if they haven't then this is their own fault really.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 15/09/2025 13:39

Isn't it ridiculous that he can't just touch her head to get her full attention and tell her to stop her nonsense.
The world's gone mad!

FrippEnos · 15/09/2025 13:39

Catpiece · 15/09/2025 13:36

The police? Don’t you think they’ve got better things to be doing?? It’s spelt disgusting, by the way. HTH

It normally goes to the police liaison officer, whose job is to sit on panels to discuss things like this.

TeddySchnauzer · 15/09/2025 13:40

I would imagine social services will be called to investigate how things are at home. Schools are mandatorily required to report any suggestions that there might be violence at home. This is a very clear suggestion of it, regardless of whether he is or not!