Husband touched a kid to reprimand them on school trip

[ToddlerIs2]

Husband went on school ltrip with yr 6 dc as our DC"s 121 so only responsible for him. Yr 4 girl in front was being annoying all journey. Husband asked her to stop several times. He dozed off and she banged the seats again (so banding onto her knee) and he lent over and tapped her on the head and told her to stop. Off the coach the teacher spoke to him and he said sorry, didn't think etc. now head wants to see him. What's the likely consequences? We have a lot going on and I'm not holding it all together very well so at home so don't know how irrational I am. He's never smacked out kids so I know it won't have been a smack to the head etc and it was only when she got off she told the teacher. I'm absolutely fuming because how did he forget to never touch someone else's child? And obviously there's an angry parent there that there's a grown man who's touched their daughter so school will probably have to make an example of him. Any ideas what's likely to happen?

4 hours on a coach is quite a lot for children to sit in one place, I would cramp up, so I’d expect the children to get bored and fidgety.
Also if he was there just for your child not as a class helper then he shouldn’t have intervened with the other children tbh.
Not sure how I’d feel about someone tapping my child in the head, I don’t think I’d like it but I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. It’s not like he slapped the child.

Because it isn't the behaviour that he wants on his school trips, perhaps isn't in line witg school values/policies, and they will want to be able to document that he has had the opportunity to give his side of the story, been told clearly what is/isn't acceptable on future trips, or to clarify that he won't be able to attend future trips. Especially if parents have made a complaint, the head will need to document proportionate action has been taken to satisfy governors/Ofsted etc if parents chose to escalate.

Surely you can see there is a world of wiggle room between "completely acceptable behaviour" and "assault /abuse that meets threshold for criminal prosecution"?!

Would you like to be touched on the head by a man sitting behind you on a bus

When the OP's husband is prosecuted for child abuse, I will indeed admit I am naïve.

So what do you do when a child is upset and wants a hug? When they need their hand holding to go into school? When they're just saying goodbye and fling their arms around you? Genuine question totally aside from my idiot husband. That HARDEST thing for DS going back after COVID was no contact. He couldn't hold his teachers hand and jump up and down (he was 5!) and it broke him. Silly to us adults but to him a vital part of the day.

A man who is irritated by your behaviour also, he’s not pointing out something nice to look at out the window. It’s a not a nice thing to do, to a young child in particular.

I never said he should be criminally prosecuted.

In my opinion, he will be banned from future school trips. Thats what will probably happen

Why on earth do you think that social services would get called in for your children?
Honestly OP you’re over reacting to a ridiculous extent imagining your DH getting arrested, prosecuted, losing his job, you losing your friends and being ostracised at school and by the community.

If he was only supporting his own son then who was supervising the girl in front of him her behaviour was clearly annoying. She was deliberately turning around to wind. Whoever was behind her. Was there another adult in the vicinity? There should’ve been I’ve been on many school trips and that would be cracked down on kids do that all the time it’s nasty. They want a reaction and then play innocent so where was the other people you’re supposed to be supervising that particular girl and I wonder if he was told what to do if he saw a child being particularly annoying I think the school has gotten themselves in a tangle here taking on volunteers without giving them adequate instructions.

Apparently she was banging her seat into the person sitting behind and then peering around to see the reaction. Sounds like a little brat! Sorry I forgot children are all little princes and princesses these days and can do whatever they like with no consequences or we might hurt the poor little angels feelings.

He is a grown man and a parent.

He was a complete idiot to try to fall asleep on the bus when he was there to keep an eye on the kids and to touch one of the kids that way when there were much better ways to try to deal with their behaviour.

Now he has added a lot of stress to your life.

Frankly OP I would take a step back and let him deal with the consequences and learn from it.

Personally I would not want to be stuck with a man child who can' t behave responsibly.

It’s a moving coach full of kids. How many adults would you expect to be stalking up and down killing any annoying behaviour instantly?

What do i do when a child is upset and needs a hug?

I do not hug them. I talk to them and listen to them and calm them down.

We are firmly not allowed to hug children in my school. I would be fired if I did.

No child has ever asked me for a hug, now I think of it. They have cried and talked to me, and that is fine for them and me.

Teacher 101, never touch the children. Let them run wild, throw stuff at each etc but never touch them.

I think you're being a bit hyperbolic talking about calling the police and throwing around terms like "discusting". It was ill-judged, possibly as he had been sleeping, but hardly disgusting behaviour.

And for posters saying a parental supervisor shouldn't be sleeping, I remember several school trips where the teachers dozed off on the coach. Maybe not ideal, but I wouldn't get too het up about it.

My mother doesn’t drive so coaches and buses have been my primary mode of transportation all my life and this has never happened because…. my mother ensured I know how to behave in a coach.

Okay, so what punishment would be the right one then do you think? Genuinely curious.

Does bus have cctv?

So when one young child starts hitting, kicking and violently assaulting another, you'll just stand back and watch it rather than touching them to stop it?

Personal answer:

depends.
i taught teenagers. I hugged one, once in my whole career of twenty years.

if they accuse you it will end your whole career. I know people it has happened to. I hate not being able to comfort crying kids but I’d hate to go through a police investigation more.

it’s safer to do in situations where there are lots of witnesses but even then…

Totally unacceptable behaviour from his part. Adults role model how to behave. Excited 10 year olds on school trips are annoying. He should know how to keep his cool.

Why was a grown man dozing off on a school bus?!! The worst part is that he got angry at a child for waking him up on a trip where he was supposed to be supervising.

The title is also misleading because "reprimand" sounds like he was disciplining her for something important, or had to touch her to save her from a dangerous situation. He basically hit a child for interrupting his nap on a bus where he was the responsible adult.

Jesus, I’m glad my kids are grown-if my kid was misbehaving and an adult tapped them
on the head and said stop it, I wouldn’t have a problem with it-especially if it were another parent.

It's what you have to do these days. Otherwise the parent who raised the violent little shit will complain and you lose your job. The world's gone mad but it's not my rules.

@GlastoNinja I agree with you & they wonder why nobody wants to teach! I don’t know why he can’t have a nap if his child is sitting sensibly. The other child sounds like a pain. To be fair teachers would know not to tap on the head, but he’s not a teacher.