to not invite my sister for Christmas?

[NameChangedforThis3036]

Our mother died in late August of dementia. Our dad died about a decade ago. I have three kids of university age. My sister has no kids as she never really wanted them, and she married a horrible man who had an affair and then left her.

I feel completely and utterly shattered after my mum's illness and death. I long, long, long to have Christmas with just my husband and kids, and no one else. I am dead with exhaustion after this year. Sis did more care, as she had more time, but obvs the whole thing is/was awful for us both.

Would I be unreasonable not to invite my sister for Christmas? She'll be on her own otherwise or have to go to friends, as our parents are gone and she's getting divorced. I know it sounds awful but I'm just so strung out. And I love Christmas just us.

Help!

So true. Several of my friends were nurses.
Their in laws all thought they were sorted for future caring, having never ever extended a helping hand throughout the years of childcare, night duty etc. Nowhere to be seen when my friends were stuck at times.

Well they were in for a shock, not least their husbands. They were all put very staight. They helped their own parents and that was absolutely it. They had earned their retirement.

But she might if she had her own husband and child.

After all, they’d be entitled to their own little, nuclear, “three musketeers” Christmas.

And she might well feel she’s “not a caring person too” when you’re old. After all it wasn’t her choice that you only had one child, so why should she assume caring responsibilities for you, when you didn’t for your Mum?

wow, I thought "Our little family" was the peak of MN twee nuclear family vom-worthy smuggery but I was clearly wrong

I agree with this. It's like (at a much more trivial less all encompassing level) never ever putting anything in the bin and just leaving rubbish all over your house because you partner is a bin man! What someone does for work does not oblige them to doing more or less at home. It's ok if you couldn't do full time care is she felt she could and wanted to, but did you offer respite care to give her a break, or offer to pay for assistance, or contribute financially in other ways. And most importantly were you grateful for what she did. Because at the heart of it I think it's that which is getting people most annoyed. Not the lack of doing, but the pack of deep gratitude that to most people seems there should be - and in your case through your actions and words seems to be missing.

If you are widowed in future and your kids and their partners decide they like "own little family" Christmases, as long as you'd be fine with that then I guess it's OK to do the same to your sister.